Rules to submit to

[Shadowsdream]

Rules compliment Rituals in a long term BDSM lifestyle and like rituals they should be built slowly so that each can become second nature...but never mundane.

When I see that My toys perform by routine with little concious thought I know without a doubt it is time to add a new rule to keep the potion brewing.

I will post a few but would also be very interested in a lot of participation in this thread about Rules you must follow or rules You create.

thread dedicated to PBW in his quest for knowledge and good humour!

 

[Shadowsdream]

RULES



It is My contention that rules are essential components of a D/s relationship when it is lived in a 24/7 format. These rules are created and adhered to, to strengthen the bond of submission and Domination.
Firm guidelines give structure and show commitment. Rules make day-to-day life flow more easily since the submissive does not have to spend their time trying to read the mind of the Dominant and the Dominant does not need to spend every waking moment directing every move of the ones She has chosen as Hers. There is safety in rules, less chance of misunderstandings.
When misunderstandings are kept to a minimum there will be far less problems to over come in a complicated relationship. A BDSM relationship brings its own complexities and anything that can simplify it is a good thing.
Each Dominant will create rules that are fine tuned to Her own needs and environment. Her rules will take into consideration the weaknesses and the strength of Her submissive. A good Dominant will find the benefit of helping the one She owns to become more efficient and to learn to appreciate the small pleasures they once took for granted.
Rules should not be formulated to cause humiliation in My opinion; they should create a comfort zone that the submissive can rely on to be able to attain. Rules that are unreachable can completely undermine a submissives sense of self-esteem. Once self-esteem is undermined self respect goes right out the window. Without these two attributes a submisive has little to offer a Domme.
If Her Domination has been the catalyst to his emotional destruction She does not deserve the gift of his submission. I believe that rules should not be complex. They should be simple to remember. They also should not remain stagnant month after month until they are completely routine. Once the rules have become second nature and a natural flow in the relationship a new rule should be introduced when it is least expected.
I am a firm believer that in a BDSM relationship there needs to be constant change. Even the smallest details should have a big meaning to both the Dominant and the submissive. Such is the way with adding a new rule. A simple revision that has the submissive wearing blue socks rather than black can take on a new meaning. he will be thinking of his Mistress every time he changes his socks. Mundane? Yes but also memorable. Simple, yet it causes a new focus with absolutely no additional work to either party.

 

[artful]

Shadows

Art is in his copy and paste mode.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Art..

open a large document ~~~grin~~

 

[WillowPuss]

I have a few rules that I would like to offer up for sharing.


The first rule that Master gave me was - NO panties whilst in his presence. This rule has a two fold reason. The first is that my body is availiable to Him whenever and wherever He wishes. The second is that I can enjoy the feeling of vunerability (sp?) and yet freedom at the same time. It has now got to the stage where I do not feel comfortable wearing panties.

I will not post the other rules in any particular order ....

Greeting rituals The private ones are to be followed no matter what! No excuses, no tardiness ... I know that if, for some reason I fail (because I overselpt, for example) I will be punished. The other rituals we have ... they may be modified by me if there are others (vanilla) present - but I will be expected to address the balance at the first opportunity.

Internet I am free to visit any site I care to - including chat rooms - but must never play. I am free to speak with whom I care to, but am expected to share the gist of such conversations with Him. That doesn't mean I have to tell Him every word or exchange ... just something like 'I chatted with ... today. We were discussing ...'s birthday'




Hmmmmmmm ... how odd.
I am sure there are more rules, but I think they are such second nature to me now that I no longer see them as rules - more a natural way of life.
Does that make sense?

 

[Shadowsdream]

WHY I GIVE RULES

My submissives have rules simply because I love them enough to create structure for them. It would be a misconception to think that rules only control the time and emotions of one of the partners in this D/s relationship. Not true!
If a Domme initiates rules that She expects to be adhered to then She also is tied to them Herself. She must always be aware whether they are being followed or broken. She has an obligation to praise good behaviour and discipline for bad behaviour. If She slacks off too much in this department She is showing that Her interest is at a low level or misguided.
If She does not notice that rules are being broken then what is the point of Her submissive obeying them? If She is not aware that they are being followed what is the point of following them? So in My opinion following rules should not be a senseless exercise.
The submissive also has a huge responsibility. If his Mistress takes the time to establish rules that will be for his own good and developement, he should do his best to honour Her and obey to the best of his ability. This is part of the fantasy that brought him to Her in the first place. Don't start something you can't finish boys and girls.

 

[Shadowsdream]

thank you willow.

you are always so quick to share your reality and it is a reality that holds much beauty and love.

 

[P. B. Walker]

thread dedicated to PBW in his quest for knowledge and good humour!

Oh my... I'm truely honored. Thank you.

I hope that someday I will have a chance to use some of this knowledge

PBW "It's too early in the morning to come up with something"

 

[Desdemona]

I always learn so much from this type of thread

I'll sit here quietly soaking up knowledge. Thank you.

 

[P. B. Walker]

You are so right Desdemona....

sometimes I just sit here after reading a thread like this and just say to myself... whoa.

PBW "I'm a sponge... no not that *kind*... that's just ewww" lol

 

[Desdemona]

You are so right Desdemona....

sometimes I just sit here after reading a thread like this and just say to myself... whoa.

PBW "I'm a sponge... no not that *kind*... that's just ewww" lol

eewww. LOL. BTW, please call me des.

 

[MissTaken]

Rules

Rules give the sub a sense of structure, but also a sense of togetherness. When abiding by a rule, the sub feels connected to the Dom/me and is pleased with a job well done, in servitude.


Rules also feed the Dom/me's need for respect and overt shows of devotion.

Some little ones:

1. Wait for His/Her permission to begin eating.

2. Never touch one's self in a sexual manner without permission.

3. Requiring permission to orgasm. This rule is weighty and comes close to being a ritualistic in it's symbolism. Pleasure and release comes only from Him/Her.

 

[Shadowsdream]

MissT

Very well stated..thank you for adding to the value of this thread.

 

[Shadowsdream]

RULE SAMPLE IN MY HOME

My submissive likes to smoke cigarettes and I control how many he is allowed to smoke in a given day and when or if he will be allowed that small pleasure. Before we met he simply took his seven cigarettes a day for granted. Now he enjoys every second of each and everyone he is allowed. Since I am such a kind Domme I allow him to exceed this limit when he is having a day that alcohol is being consumed. Whether it is a day with or without alcohol he must ask for each and every one he wishes to enjoy.
I enjoy this power over him. I am proud that he can submit this deeply to Me.
When I refuse him a cigarette he gets a shocked look on his face that I adore seeing. I do this simply because I can, and to watch the look of surprise that comes into his eyes.
He never questions My decisions but this is the one time I can really watch him squirm.
When he asks a second time I may or may not say yes. I also enjoy surprising him out of the blue by telling him he may have a cigarette when it was the last thing on his mind. A strange concept to Domination perhaps but it is usually those strange unexpected off the wall things that create memories.
My submissive has become so accustomed to asking for his cigarettes that it is now second nature to him. His happiness when I say yes is just as sincere as the first day he was told this would be one of his lifetime rules. When I felt that this rule was becoming too comfortable and second nature to him I added a little spice to make it interesting for Me.
Remember it is all about My pleasure after all. A simple addition of a simple rule that he still is struggling with. I have demanded that he begins each day with a clean ashtray and that he shows Me that ashtray at the end of the day with no more than seven cigarettes in it. It sounds so easy and I am sure he thought, no problem when I added it several months ago.
But it has proven to be a difficult one to remember if his mind is focused on other things. This is one of the rules that he has struggled with more than others but I have no doubt that he will master it and move onto another. his sincerity in his desire to obey ensures that I do not question his submission.
I know that he hurts emotionally when he fails these small daily tests and I realize that I created this test and in the end it is My obligation and My need to take the responsibility for his success. When My submissive and I go out together this rule becomes flexible depending if we are in a D/s environment, amongst friends and family that are aware of our lifestyle, or in vanilla settings that do not demand strict adherence to anonymous behaviour.
In these situations I get and expect his respect for My wishes. In an environment that could not understand it or is work related I do not ask more of him than he can give. I do not need to control situations that do not merit control. I am completely confident in My Domination.
If the unexpected happens and My boy puts a cigarette between his lips without thinking I will have it in My hand before he knows what happened. I am constantly alert for these small transgressions that occur so seldom. I must admit I love it when he makes these small mistake from time to time simply because it gives Me an opportunity to show him that I am always in control. The speechless shock that greets Me is worth it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Number one rule

for my boys is that they are always naked when we are alone.

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Number one rule

for my boys is that they are always naked when we are alone(with a red ass too!)

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

RULE SAMPLE IN MY HOME

My submissive likes to smoke cigarettes and I control how many he is allowed to smoke in a given day and when or if he will be allowed that small pleasure. Before we met he simply took his seven cigarettes a day for granted. Now he enjoys every second of each and everyone he is allowed. Since I am such a kind Domme I allow him to exceed this limit when he is having a day that alcohol is being consumed. Whether it is a day with or without alcohol he must ask for each and every one he wishes to enjoy.
I enjoy this power over him. I am proud that he can submit this deeply to Me.
When I refuse him a cigarette he gets a shocked look on his face that I adore seeing. I do this simply because I can, and to watch the look of surprise that comes into his eyes.
He never questions My decisions but this is the one time I can really watch him squirm.
When he asks a second time I may or may not say yes. I also enjoy surprising him out of the blue by telling him he may have a cigarette when it was the last thing on his mind. A strange concept to Domination perhaps but it is usually those strange unexpected off the wall things that create memories.
My submissive has become so accustomed to asking for his cigarettes that it is now second nature to him. His happiness when I say yes is just as sincere as the first day he was told this would be one of his lifetime rules. When I felt that this rule was becoming too comfortable and second nature to him I added a little spice to make it interesting for Me.
Remember it is all about My pleasure after all. A simple addition of a simple rule that he still is struggling with. I have demanded that he begins each day with a clean ashtray and that he shows Me that ashtray at the end of the day with no more than seven cigarettes in it. It sounds so easy and I am sure he thought, no problem when I added it several months ago.
But it has proven to be a difficult one to remember if his mind is focused on other things. This is one of the rules that he has struggled with more than others but I have no doubt that he will master it and move onto another. his sincerity in his desire to obey ensures that I do not question his submission.
I know that he hurts emotionally when he fails these small daily tests and I realize that I created this test and in the end it is My obligation and My need to take the responsibility for his success. When My submissive and I go out together this rule becomes flexible depending if we are in a D/s environment, amongst friends and family that are aware of our lifestyle, or in vanilla settings that do not demand strict adherence to anonymous behaviour.
In these situations I get and expect his respect for My wishes. In an environment that could not understand it or is work related I do not ask more of him than he can give. I do not need to control situations that do not merit control. I am completely confident in My Domination.
If the unexpected happens and My boy puts a cigarette between his lips without thinking I will have it in My hand before he knows what happened. I am constantly alert for these small transgressions that occur so seldom. I must admit I love it when he makes these small mistake from time to time simply because it gives Me an opportunity to show him that I am always in control. The speechless shock that greets Me is worth it.

I love it!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

rule number two

No male underwear when we go out, especially if it is a vanilla atmosphere.

I make them wear My panties (or ones I have bought them) under their clothing ( the tighter the better).

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Rules

Rules give the sub a sense of structure, but also a sense of togetherness. When abiding by a rule, the sub feels connected to the Dom/me and is pleased with a job well done, in servitude.


Rules also feed the Dom/me's need for respect and overt shows of devotion.

Some little ones:

1. Wait for His/Her permission to begin eating.

2. Never touch one's self in a sexual manner without permission.

3. Requiring permission to orgasm. This rule is weighty and comes close to being a ritualistic in it's symbolism. Pleasure and release comes only from Him/Her.

Great post MissT

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have a few rules that I would like to offer up for sharing.


The first rule that Master gave me was - NO panties whilst in his presence. This rule has a two fold reason. The first is that my body is availiable to Him whenever and wherever He wishes. The second is that I can enjoy the feeling of vunerability (sp?) and yet freedom at the same time. It has now got to the stage where I do not feel comfortable wearing panties.

I will not post the other rules in any particular order ....

Greeting rituals The private ones are to be followed no matter what! No excuses, no tardiness ... I know that if, for some reason I fail (because I overselpt, for example) I will be punished. The other rituals we have ... they may be modified by me if there are others (vanilla) present - but I will be expected to address the balance at the first opportunity.

Internet I am free to visit any site I care to - including chat rooms - but must never play. I am free to speak with whom I care to, but am expected to share the gist of such conversations with Him. That doesn't mean I have to tell Him every word or exchange ... just something like 'I chatted with ... today. We were discussing ...'s birthday'




Hmmmmmmm ... how odd.
I am sure there are more rules, but I think they are such second nature to me now that I no longer see them as rules - more a natural way of life.
Does that make sense?

Another great post! I like it!

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

rule three

this is for bitch boy. I approve of his attire (all of it , even down to the shoes on his feet) for the entire time we are together. He wears his clothing to please no one but Me.

he also is required to have a recent enema, so I do not have to be around a stinky butt. he also shaves to my specifications.

Eb

 

[WillowPuss]

I knew there were more rules I had!

Like MissT:

No self pleasure
I am not allowed to touch His property at all! Full stop, end of story. He alone decides when I am allowed any type of sexual release.
I also have to ask permission to orgasm (unless gagged, of course) ... and this can prove really difficult if I am 'almost gone' and at the stage where any vocalisation other than a whimper is possible. I somehow managed to stammer out a p p p p lease ...

And Eb reminded me:

Body hair
I am responsible for keeping my body bare (except for my head). I must never go more than three days without a shave.



ohhh ... and one more just came to mind:

Sleep
I must only wear silk nightshirts that unbutton all the way down the front. The top few button are to be left undone so that when He throws his arm over me, His hand can rest/play on a nipple.
This is the way I now fall asleep ... with me on my right side and His arm around me cupping a breast (or errrrrr something else), and I find that I have trouble in getting off to sleep if I am not in this position.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Rules to submit to

Oh my... I'm truely honored. Thank you.

I hope that someday I will have a chance to use some of this knowledge

PBW "It's too early in the morning to come up with something"

Now that you have been honored, bend over!

LOL

Eb <sorry it was too tempting to pass up!>

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: rule three

this is for bitch boy. I approve of his attire (all of it , even down to the shoes on his feet) for the entire time we are together. He wears his clothing to please no one but Me.

he also is required to have a recent enema, so I do not have to be around a stinky butt. he also shaves to my specifications.

Eb

What are your shaving requirements? Just wondering. I don't like to shave *down there* but I'm a firm believer in keeping myself trimmed short. I hear about so few men that actually take the time to manage that jungle down there. Course, I don't know many sub men in a 24/7 relationship or even a part time relationship... so I'm probably pretty sheltered

PBW "An enema does a body good"

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: Re: Re: Rules to submit to

Now that you have been honored, bend over!

LOL

Eb <sorry it was too tempting to pass up!>

ACCccckkk... isn't it too early in the day to bend over? I swear I remember a rule about no bending over until later.... much much later... LOL.

Besides... I have to ride home... I can't be riding home with any sort of a sore bum...

But anything else in my power is at the discretion of Shadowsdream for the honor

PBW "Ohhh that nasty talk gets me soo hot"