Rules for Being the Rebound

[Christopher2012]

I'm not really sure if this is "erotic" or not, but I think it's important for men out there. And I guess this goes both ways. I'm not sure, but this post is from a man's point of view... because... well... I'm a man.

But regardless, I've been curious as to how to handle girls just coming out of a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I don't prey on the weak... well, I don't prey on anyone, but that's beside the point.

You see, me and a friend of mine are both going through a similar situation. We both have recently met really cool girls. The problem is that they're both fresh out of relationships. Now, I'm not actually pursuing the girl I met, though we have become friends. And she's really letting me know she's available - going as far as saying if she doesn't have kids within the next 3 years, she'll probably never have the chance. But my friend is going full pursuit on his discovery. He's giving her what seems to be everything.

So what's the rule here? What should I do? How can I tell if it's a dangerous situation? And not just in this situation, but in general when meeting women. Because a lot of times, it can't be helped. Women go from relationship to relationship all the time.

Oh and btw, I'm not really a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. So the answer "just have fun with her" isn't really what I'm looking for.

 

[satindesire]

I'm not really sure if this is "erotic" or not, but I think it's important for men out there. And I guess this goes both ways. I'm not sure, but this post is from a man's point of view... because... well... I'm a man.

But regardless, I've been curious as to how to handle girls just coming out of a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I don't prey on the weak... well, I don't prey on anyone, but that's beside the point.

You see, me and a friend of mine are both going through a similar situation. We both have recently met really cool girls. The problem is that they're both fresh out of relationships. Now, I'm not actually pursuing the girl I met, though we have become friends. And she's really letting me know she's available - going as far as saying if she doesn't have kids within the next 3 years, she'll probably never have the chance. But my friend is going full pursuit on his discovery. He's giving her what seems to be everything.

So what's the rule here? What should I do? How can I tell if it's a dangerous situation? And not just in this situation, but in general when meeting women. Because a lot of times, it can't be helped. Women go from relationship to relationship all the time.

Oh and btw, I'm not really a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. So the answer "just have fun with her" isn't really what I'm looking for.

First off, love the topic. And just because the name of the site is "LitEROTICA" doesn't mean everything on here -HAS- to be about sex, porn and erotic stuff, sweetie.

I would say in my opinion, there are no set 'rules' regarding women coming fresh out of relationships. It depends on the woman, the relationship, and the circumstances of the ending of that relationship.

Myself, I'm the kind of girl that once I'm done with a guy, I'm fucking DONE. I did my mourning period long before the breakup, and once the breakup is complete, I'm ready for a new relationship already. Not every girl is like me, so honestly, you have to look at what kind of chick you're interested in. Is she truly DONE with her ex, or does she need mourning time?

If she does, don't get trapped in the 'friend zone'. If you're too 'there for her' during her mourning period, she'll see you as platonic and won't keep you in the boyfriend material category. Tell her that you'll help her if she needs anything and to call you every once in a while to check up, but you're going to give her some space to cry it out. Once she's ready to get involved, you'd like to be her first choice for a new man.

I would say this is a touch-and-go situation where you have to truly examine the girl and see where she's at emotionally before you make a choice. If she's still in mourning, then leave her alone to mourn. But if she's done, go for it.

 

[NomadLady]

I'm not really sure if this is "erotic" or not, but I think it's important for men out there. And I guess this goes both ways. I'm not sure, but this post is from a man's point of view... because... well... I'm a man.

But regardless, I've been curious as to how to handle girls just coming out of a relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I don't prey on the weak... well, I don't prey on anyone, but that's beside the point.

You see, me and a friend of mine are both going through a similar situation. We both have recently met really cool girls. The problem is that they're both fresh out of relationships. Now, I'm not actually pursuing the girl I met, though we have become friends. And she's really letting me know she's available - going as far as saying if she doesn't have kids within the next 3 years, she'll probably never have the chance. But my friend is going full pursuit on his discovery. He's giving her what seems to be everything.

So what's the rule here? What should I do? How can I tell if it's a dangerous situation? And not just in this situation, but in general when meeting women. Because a lot of times, it can't be helped. Women go from relationship to relationship all the time.

Oh and btw, I'm not really a hit-it-and-quit-it kind of guy. So the answer "just have fun with her" isn't really what I'm looking for.

I does sound as though having children is a priority for her....if that isn't what you want, I'd back off and let her find someone who does want kids.

But I do say that from a perspective of someone who stayed in a relationship WAY too long with someone who didn't want kids...and now all I have is regret.

 

[Christopher2012]

First off, love the topic. And just because the name of the site is "LitEROTICA" doesn't mean everything on here -HAS- to be about sex, porn and erotic stuff, sweetie.

I would say in my opinion, there are no set 'rules' regarding women coming fresh out of relationships. It depends on the woman, the relationship, and the circumstances of the ending of that relationship.

Myself, I'm the kind of girl that once I'm done with a guy, I'm fucking DONE. I did my mourning period long before the breakup, and once the breakup is complete, I'm ready for a new relationship already. Not every girl is like me, so honestly, you have to look at what kind of chick you're interested in. Is she truly DONE with her ex, or does she need mourning time?

If she does, don't get trapped in the 'friend zone'. If you're too 'there for her' during her mourning period, she'll see you as platonic and won't keep you in the boyfriend material category. Tell her that you'll help her if she needs anything and to call you every once in a while to check up, but you're going to give her some space to cry it out. Once she's ready to get involved, you'd like to be her first choice for a new man.

I would say this is a touch-and-go situation where you have to truly examine the girl and see where she's at emotionally before you make a choice. If she's still in mourning, then leave her alone to mourn. But if she's done, go for it.

You're right. I never thought about that. The friend zone never even crossed my mind. So now it seems as though there's a fine line to walk between being hurt and being set aside as the good friend. I guess the best option here is simply to not let my heart get caught up in it. Because that line isn't easy to be seen...

Damn, well that just makes things way more compliacted. haha But I do appreciate you telling me.

I does sound as though having children is a priority for her....if that isn't what you want, I'd back off and let her find someone who does want kids.

But I do say that from a perspective of someone who stayed in a relationship WAY too long with someone who didn't want kids...and now all I have is regret.

Yeah, that's another problem. I never really needed that problem addressed, though, so I didn't pinpoint it.

I'll go ahead and elaborate since you brought it up. She's 25 and I'm 22. Normally, I wouldn't think she'd see me as a potential candidate but I'm in a higher place of power than she is. We work together. I'm an intern, and I think that's the only reason she likes me... or even respects me. When I was simply a tech, no girls even found me remotely interesting.

Now, with that being said, I don't want kids until later. I never intended on going for her, or for that matter, even giving her the sense that I was available for her. It doesn't matter anyway, though - she's really attractive and popular. So, I'm just another guy to her.

But thinking about it brought up this question about being the rebound. I just didn't want to explain it all. The question is still there, you know? So in conclusion, I'm not going to ask her out, go for her, or try to get pleasure from the attention I get from her. I understand the severity of that and how that could hurt her. I would hate to think I was the reason she was held back an extra year from having kids.

 

[MsGoodBody]

.....

 

[Epmd607]

Every person over the age of sixteen has past relationship baggage. No matter how long you wait, the first couple guys a girl dates after she breaks up with her anticipated husband are rebound guys. Unless she's ready to be in a committed relationship with you, then you'll be moved from rebound status to potential husband status. You've just met these girls, so worrying about best friend status is irrelevant, as you're most likely just an acquaintance at this point. You should be able to navigate acquaintance to lover status if you don't have a history with her, by just making yourself available then jumping on it when she shows interest. Also, men trying to get women always resembles men preying on women.

 

[lyinaboutitall]

Even though, girls mourn early, they also tend to shop for things that want in the new realtionship or stay from things they didnt like in the last relationship. Sounds like you are already in the "friend zone" now. Cut bait and get out now. You are fighting a losing battle.

 

[Honed_Hunger]

If one's skills are on point, they can fuck their way out of the ''friends zone''

 

[fgarvb1]

Dude.

Them there ladies are ALWAYS in some phase of a relationship...It's in their jeans.

They are either starting a new one (with out necessarily completely closing out some old ones!) Going crazy doing sunset flips over the one they are in now,or freaking out over the one they messed up, or trying to crank up some new ones.

Not that most are going to tell you that, most of them are vague on purpose.

But, on the other hand a honest straight forward woman, while refreshing, is damned dangerous! and somewhat hard to deal with.

Hell, run Forest, RUN!

 

[newlegz]

This is honestly something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I just very recently broke up w a boyfriend and thats definitely been rough. I cant help but analyze. Was I the rebound? The next guy I'm with, will it be a rebound? Will it even be soon enough to be a rebound? How much of the past will factor into it? Its normally not an issue for me, but this last relationship was pretty damaging to my ability to trust.

If I could give the next guy advice, it would be to realize that by treating me like I'm special it will help me move on. Being very open and honest would help me deal with the fact I was lied to and the other baggage from the past relationship. Truly, if its a "good" match, it will go beyond a rebound. I think that its different for everyone and some people may never have a "rebound" relationship.

"So, I'm just another guy to her." This and the advice the others are giving you about the friend zone is tricky. Obviously, we dont know every detail of your interaction. But dont let stuff like that keep you from making a move. Especially the first part! Now I am not disputing the friend zone exists, but you should be Absolutely sure that you're just a friend before you fail to make a move.

 

[samanthamom]

'on the rebound' is definitely a mindset. It's not just about being freshly out of a relationship, but it's the kind of place where a person needs something new. Usually, someone on the rebound doesn't need something lasting, just something to take their mind off what was. That's why many rebounds work out badly. The person ends up with the first friendly, or sexy, or whatever person they meet. And after the period of needing something new ends, the new relationship ends too.

Like some of the other respondents, by the time I'm 'done' with a relationship, I'm beyond the rebound. I did the post relationship rebound a few times when I was younger. But now, I look at the end more objectively and see it for what it is, and when I move on, I'm really moving on, not needing something to help me through it.