RT Scenario... thoughts and opinions please....

[Guest]

Here is the situation:

Couple A with Man 1 and Woman 1
No children together

Couple B with Man 2 and Woman 2
three children together

Man 2 and Woman 1 meet, they become friends and have sex. They know fairly immediately that it is not simply sex. Man 2 tells Woman 1 that he loves her and is in love with her.

Both couples are having problems. Neither Woman 1 nor Man 2 are in love with their spouses. They love them yes but are not in love with them. Man 2 says that Woman 2 will always have a piece of his heart because of their shared children.

They want to be together.
All of Man 2's family knows about his feelings for Woman 1 and all of Woman 1's family knows about her feelings for Man 2.

Woman 2 because of this and other issues starts divorce proceedings with Man 1.

Man 2... is having a problem....

His dad left his mom with he and his brother and sister....
He worries that divorcing Woman 2 will result in a nasty fight and that he will lose his children. He worries that they will hate him.

He wants to be with Woman 1....
Woman 1 wants to be with him....

Thoughts?...
What would you do?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Hey Lizzy, how you be?

Run around in circles and scream a lot!

Sorry, I have no answer for you, just wanted to say hi!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Lizzie, you are in the most heartbreaking situation.

My only advice is to tell you to get the hell out of a losing situation, and I know that's worthless advice.

My only other thought is to give you as many hugs as I can, and wish they could actually make some difference to you.

 

[Guest]

He is terrified of losing his kids....

but what does that teach them about dreams, love, and fantasies.... ignore them? dont follow your heart... your soul?

And is it in anyway start to stay in relationships that mean nothing?
to lie by omission

 

[Pixelsized]

He is terrified of losing his kids....

but what does that teach them about dreams, love, and fantasies.... ignore them? dont follow your heart... your soul?

And is it in anyway start to stay in relationships that mean nothing?
to lie by omission

I don't have an answer but I wanted to wish you the best

 

[TxRad]

He is terrified of losing his kids....

but what does that teach them about dreams, love, and fantasies.... ignore them? dont follow your heart... your soul?

And is it in anyway start to stay in relationships that mean nothing?
to lie by omission

Lizzy.... I've missed you...

I'm kind of in the same boat with Stella.... It's a no win situation.... either he will or he won't and then there may be the point down the road where you get blamed because of the kids problems...

*sigh* I wish there was some good news but there ain't... Been there, done that, got the bloody tee shirts to prove it...

I'll add mu HUSG to everyone elses and pray they help....

Ya

 

[Kev H]

Not enough info to offer any creative scenarios--to state the obvious (called: emphasis), human interactions are infinitely complex, meaning there are innumerable ways to have problems, especially when it involves 3+ hearts/egos/idiocyncracies.

Can man2 and woman1 be happy with a condoned affair? Of course more important is the follow-up question: can man1 and woman2? Can everyone keep the security and nurturing environment of their marriage (like happy roomies without the emotional baggage of history)? Probably expecting too much.

Maybe the four of them could sit down (like treaty talks between nations...sorta), and all propose options with their pros/cons without wanting to fight? Or is that a formula for homicide?

Children do tend to be far more flexible and adaptable than adults; are the adults willing to take the honesty to the extreme? Are they able to answer the question: what's more important for the children--a strained family or a broken family?

I know plenty of counter-examples to the scenario man2 imagines, where the kids got the best of both worlds, everyone cooperated and the kids grew into healthy, normal adults who still loved both their parents (even more so as they got old enough to see how much relationships can suck despite the best intentions). In my mind, honesty with all involved (including the self) is king--it's the only chance to find true peace and avoid the pitfalls of self-deception.

Anyway you slice it, it's a brutal amount of work, and though I do not know any of these people, I wish them best as they find their way.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Despite recent distance from you, I still feel bad about your situation and that you're dealing with yet more heartache (though thankfully from my point of view, it's not my fault this time). I wish you the best resolution to this situation and hope that you can be happy in your life. I never meant to hurt you and I hope that he doesn't hurt you, intentionally or otherwise. I wish the best for everyone in this mess.

 

[Guest]

Update:

Woman 2 decided to pull the "you can't see your kids because of her" card.
Man 2 LIVES for his children.... there is nothing in his world that means more.
Man 2 has left, Woman 1 is dealing with it.... and Woman 2 gets her way through manipulation and shitty back-handed things.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Not to discount the feelings these people have for one another, but in my experience, the longest lasting relationship you'll EVER have is with your children. It is also the relationship that defines you in so many ways. I don't advocate giving up on dreams, but I also sympathize with the man that stands to lose so much, regardless of how much he stands to gain. I believe it's possible to make such things happen. It just depends on how hard he intends to fight for all of the things he loves, for in the end, they will all make an impact upon his happiness or the lack thereof.

 

[Guest]

Not to discount the feelings these people have for one another, but in my experience, the longest lasting relationship you'll EVER have is with your children. It is also the relationship that defines you in so many ways. I don't advocate giving up on dreams, but I also sympathize with the man that stands to lose so much, regardless of how much he stands to gain. I believe it's possible to make such things happen. It just depends on how hard he intends to fight for all of the things he loves, for in the end, they will all make an impact upon his happiness or the lack thereof.

I guess that is the stumbling block right there....

How hard do you fight for something that you want and love.... how hard do you fight for someone that you say "I am in love with you" to.... yes the children are and will always be the number one concern.... but why is it that the children could not be loved by more people....

I guess it does not matter anymore truly....

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I guess that is the stumbling block right there....

How hard do you fight for something that you want and love.... how hard do you fight for someone that you say "I am in love with you" to.... yes the children are and will always be the number one concern.... but why is it that the children could not be loved by more people....

I guess it does not matter anymore truly....

It's not a matter of how many people stand to love the children. It's a matter of feelings and letting go. He may well be ready to let go of her, maintain presence in the children's lives, and promise himself to another woman, but the burden falls on his shoulders to make things happen in a positive manner for all, if he's the one wanting to make the changes. I do not believe it's impossible, merely that it takes a lot of finesse, some time, and some sacrifice on everyone's part. My ex was not all that happy with our marriage during the last year and a half, but he was much happier with the idea of not changing than he was with all the work that had to be done in order to change. Additionally, he had to deal with the feelings of failure that came with ending the marriage, though there really was no failure at all. It simply wasn't something meant to last a lifetime. In the end, we were able to make arrangements that suited everyone, and we're all much happier now. It wasn't easy. It wasn't quick. It was gut-wrenching at times, but in the end it all worked out. If this situation is meant to be, things will wind around in a manner that allows for a happy ending. If not, I hope all parties are able to take away from it some bit of knowledge of themselves that will better serve them in the future.

 

[Guest]

It's not a matter of how many people stand to love the children. It's a matter of feelings and letting go. He may well be ready to let go of her, maintain presence in the children's lives, and promise himself to another woman, but the burden falls on his shoulders to make things happen in a positive manner for all, if he's the one wanting to make the changes. I do not believe it's impossible, merely that it takes a lot of finesse, some time, and some sacrifice on everyone's part. My ex was not all that happy with our marriage during the last year and a half, but he was much happier with the idea of not changing than he was with all the work that had to be done in order to change. Additionally, he had to deal with the feelings of failure that came with ending the marriage, though there really was no failure at all. It simply wasn't something meant to last a lifetime. In the end, we were able to make arrangements that suited everyone, and we're all much happier now. It wasn't easy. It wasn't quick. It was gut-wrenching at times, but in the end it all worked out. If this situation is meant to be, things will wind around in a manner that allows for a happy ending. If not, I hope all parties are able to take away from it some bit of knowledge of themselves that will better serve them in the future.

He made his choice.... and that is all that matters.
No one can really do something to help him or the situation until he decides that he is okay with going forward......telling her "I love you because you gave me my children but have no other feelings for you" apparently was not enough of a start. *shrug*
Life will continue on.... the bruises and the cuts that everyone has endured from this will be there for a long time.