Romance

[seXieleXie]

is there room for romance in BDSM? what are some ways you incorporate romance into BDSM play? is it reserved for aftercare?

i'm curious

 

[CarolineOh]

is there room for romance in BDSM? what are some ways you incorporate romance into BDSM play? is it reserved for aftercare?

i'm curious

The impression many people have of bdsm interactions, of the stern, demanding master or mistress commanding a cowering submissive to submit or serve them, is false in our relationship, and I think it's fair to say, to most people who practice bdsm.
When we play, Sam commands me, but he does so with tenderness. He touches me lovingly while he ties me up, mixes caresses among the spanks, and praises and compliments me throughout. We usually play soft jazz while we play, and I always light the room with candles. It is very definitely romantic.

 

[cellis]

Oh Lexie, I have missed your thought provoking questions around here.

I think romance is in the eye of the beholder. Is it romantic if he brings flowers to my office, has the receptionist give them to me and then calls me and asks me to come?

Is it romance when he just calls in the afternoon and asks me to come home and I walk in to find candles lit and him in my bathtub waiting for me? (It's a good thing I only live 2 blocks from work and have flexible hours!)

Is it romance when he brings me that wonderful soft, white nylon rope I love so much instead of flowers? (I'd say this is a definite yes!)

Is it romance when he spends an hour out of his busy workday playing on the computer with me?

Is it romance when he calls for no reason other than he cannot get through the day without hearing the sound of my voice?

So many things make up our relationship outside the bedroom, outside the Master/slub(my word for sub/slut) roles we take on there.

Romance is a part of our everyday life.

 

[WriterDom]

There is plenty of room for romance. But how many men (in general) are romantic past the seduction phase? I've had people seem to almost get upset at the fact that I have a Dom side and a romantic side. Things like "How can you be a Dom and write all that romantic stuff?"

Interestingly, I only get that question from the guys.

 

[Cirrus]

I think it hit it lucky...my Dom is more of a romantic than I am, as though that were somehow possible. He shows he cares outside the bedroom by buying me small things that I've casually mentioned I want...a CD, a certain food, showing he's listened carefully to what I say. I don't expect him to do this, and I never ask him for these things.

In conversations with friends, he'll use an "inside phrase" of ours that won't raise any eyebrows if you don't know what it means to us to show me he's thinking of us and our times together.

He'll sneak a little hug or a pat on the butt when no one is looking to let me know he desires me and likes being close to me.

In the bedroom, well...he shows he cares simply by being my Dom while being safe and considerate, respecting my limits while we explore this together. He shows he cares by realizing that my submission is a gift to him, one of trust and love, and never abusing it.

 

[WillowPuss]

There is plenty of room for romance in a BDSM relationship.

In our relationship it is not only shown in aftercare.

It is shown in so many different ways ...
the way he hugs me close before he goes to work, and again when he returns
the way he will phone just to say hello
the way he will hold my hand when walking out in public
the way he will casualy pat my bottom or squeeze my arm
the way he will leave messages for me in my inbox

there are probably dozens of others that will spring to mind directly I press the 'submit reply' button.

 

[patient1]

consider this an unqualified outside perspective

Hi leXie-

To me, Romance is an approach, not nescessarily candy, flowers, photos & poetry .

It's stuff like-

paying close attention & remembering

imagining & planning

communicating & demonstrating that an individual, rather than merely the role they play in your life, is wanted & needed & appreciated.

sensuality & intimacy.

(& romance is sentimental, too)


These things should sound pretty familiar on this board. Once I get passed my knee-jerk reactions, I marvel at the beauty I see in an effective BDSM relationship.

The level of trust, obviously.
The communication & attention levels are incredible,both during the encounters( safety demands it) & during the day. The intimacy.Two people meeting each others needs, not using or abusing each other as it might appear. Sure, usually, the sensuality isn't calibrated to my preferences, but there is so much variety in it all- textures, temperatures, intensities, scents.

I think it's becomimg attuned to an individual & expressing & reminding them of that, whether you're apart or together is what romance is all about. I guess that doesn't exactly answer your question. Emphasize the romantic skills

I think that's why I have so many friends over here, I recognize them as fellow romantics.

 

[cellis]

Oh patient1, what a beautiful post and to capture the essence of who we are so succinctly.

Thank you...

 

[seXieleXie]

people seem to be responding to my question as though it were a veiled criticism or something. i know that romance is more than flowers and cards, i know that BDSM is not always about harsh master-slave relations.

i was just asking how romance is manifested in your relationships.

 

[Quint]

I didn't take your post to be accusatory or ignorant at all, Lexie. I think that most people just wanted an opportunity to show off their deep and meaningful relationships. That was teasing, not malicious, guys! I love reading happily-ever-afters, or at least good-while-it-lasteds.

Anyway, I agreed entirely with the posts above, and add my story of happy BDSM, although with my fondness for humiliation, romance isn't always apparent DURING the session. I suppose the mere fact that Hunny is willing to cater to my quirks and kinks, which he doesn't inherently share, shows his consideration and love for me. ::gets a goofy grin on her face, decides that now is a good point to stop talking::

 

[Guest]

Oh yes, Lexie.
For me, romance is a part of the lure and seduction. And, boy, can you incorporate such ideas within BDSM play.
Great question, my lovely.

 

[cellis]

people seem to be responding to my question as though it were a veiled criticism or something. i know that romance is more than flowers and cards, i know that BDSM is not always about harsh master-slave relations.

i was just asking how romance is manifested in your relationships.

I hope that is not true.

I think about the relationship that I have with Himself. There are times when we just cannot get enough of each other... and we are both in our mid 40's. I never envisioned that I would have someone who cares as much for me as he does in my life.

 

[CarolineOh]

people seem to be responding to my question as though it were a veiled criticism or something. i know that romance is more than flowers and cards, i know that BDSM is not always about harsh master-slave relations.

i was just asking how romance is manifested in your relationships.

You know what, Lexie, you are right. I did respond to your question in a defensive manner, and there was no call for it, because I know you to be a kind and thoughtful poster. I apologize for not giving you full credit for your good will.

 

[pierced_boy]

Romance can be borne out of d/s

A couple of us briefly discussed this in another thread

http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85457

I wrote

"D/s can be very romantic in nature and can have very significant realignment of emotional boundaries and responsiblities. There can be significantly more "peace" in ones life when moving into D/s and coming into one's self(s). "

look up the very charming response for your selves.

For a couple embracing aspects of D/s there are certainly many opportunities to embrace a more romantic life because (opinion here) you are moving from "something" to new ground with new awarness. This newness seems to promote romantic situations and thoughts and there is seems to be room for giving and taking that is not often there in mainstream relationships. The D/s offers more opportunities, kindles desire....

for those who have been in it (D/s) a long time, well only they can say

H

 

[mishkin]

I started my current relationship not as BSDM but have moved to it because it intensifies the romance. There's something more loving, more absolute, more committed, more all-day-long about it. It's moved more into its own special room and place in life, is less contaminated with the everyday. It's so very accepting, to take and give whatever the other wants. I passionatly adore my sub as I spank her or whatever, and she does whatever to me, and the feelings are mutual.

 

[cymbidia]

is there room for romance in BDSM? what are some ways you incorporate romance into BDSM play? is it reserved for aftercare?

All of the important BDSM relationships i've had included a lot of tenderness and eye-to-eye gazing and soul-deep declarations of love, that which compromises romance, woven into the time we spent together.

So it is now.

I think i'm unable to have a meaningful BDSM relationship without that wide and deep river of soft and warm emotion cradeling the hard and harsh parts of the touching. I'm not a bottom. To me, the emotion is the reason i'm there. I think of myself as an emotional vampire, a bit, and in the very best of ways. I offer back what comes to me. I mirror and reflect the love and ache and want and tenderness and caring i am given, magnified and multiplied through the prism of my own feelings.

A gentle touch to the face...

Momentary whispered softness in the heat of a moment...

The strength to hold me still and make me face fears with patience and concern and love...

The wanting to hold hands, just hold hands...

Kissing tenderly, with love, without a need for more, just to kiss...

Stopping in the middle, taking a breather, and having it go all soft and tender, and then flash into wild heat again, as if we were reading each other's minds...

For me, the utter abandon of harshly edgy play cannot exist without the complementary joyful softness of romance.

 

[petrel]

Romance is:
the ability to see past the ordinary and into the extra-ordinary
pleasure in a beautiful day, a rainy afternoon, a single rose unfurling
the unasked for and unexpected gestures
lighting a freshly laid wood fire
arranging to go out for a meal and then cooking beans on toast served with champagne and candellight for you both
showing emotion
holding out for what you believe in
beleiving there is soemthing worth holding out for
walking in the woods
taking pleasure in creating another persons delight
reading poetry
being who you are, where you are with no trumpets but no apologies


any relationship that will last should encompas this feeling; a BDSM relationshp 'can' give greater opportunity for expressing it - maybe because we have already made that step which defines us as individuals rather than part of the amorphous mass, and we have admitted to having needs and desires

 

[Ebonyfire]

Good questions

"is there room for romance in BDSM?"

Yes, in our case, cause bdsm is not confined to the bedroom or sex. I am the dominant, and he is the slave. but I am also a woman and he is a man. We love and arein love with each other. Our relationship is more than "play" so tavish makes it his business to make sure he pleases me, and I make sure he is rewarded.

We have vanilla moments when we are just another loving couple.




"what are some ways you incorporate romance into BDSM play? "

I do not incorporate romance into "play". tavish serves cause that is his job as my slave.

Romance is romance, which is a function of our love relationship.




"is it reserved for aftercare? "


Nope.


Ebony <Mistress to tavish>

 

[patient1]

is there room for romance in BDSM? what are some ways you incorporate romance into BDSM play? is it reserved for aftercare?

i'm curious

So maybe you were looking for examples of things like
reciting certain poetry in the process, or making a scrapbook, or some sort of charm bracelet, or finding new uses for roses?

 

[cymbidia]

There's always room for poetry in my life.

Sometimes it's the sweetest kind, the tender aching-desire kind - and sometimes it's harsher, filled with discarded promises and dreams tossed aside. Sometimes it's sensual and playful, and sometimes drivingly sexual and insistent. Sometimes it wander and sometimes it hurries.

But there's always room for poetry, both felt and read, recited and remembered.

Isn't it so for all of us?

 

[mskittykatt]

Re: There's always room for poetry in my life.

Sometimes it's the sweetest kind, the tender aching-desire kind - and sometimes it's harsher, filled with discarded promises and dreams tossed aside. Sometimes it's sensual and playful, and sometimes drivingly sexual and insistent. Sometimes it wander and sometimes it hurries.

But there's always room for poetry, both felt and read, recited and remembered.

Isn't it so for all of us?

i wasn't sure exactly what i had to add to this discussion until this.

i **love** writing, language, expression.
passion, love, fear, excitement, anger.... all the things that move us into action, thought or word - sometimes leave even the most expressive person without word. Sometimes it's only the action that can speak for itself when those words get lost inside.

 

[AnonymousSlave]

Good, thought provoking question!!



If going to the kids toy department, buying glow in the dark stars and putting them on the ceiling is romantic, then yes.

If feeling, touching, hearing and not seeing... If the unknown anticipations of being blindfolded is romantic, then yes.

If falling asleep at His knees, or rather between His thighs, from pure exhaustion is romantic, then yes.

If caring for Him, loving Him, and tending to Him, are romantic, then yes.

If enjoying the warmth of His hand, whether it's spanking my ass, or caressing it; whether it's pinching my nipple or caressing it is romantic, then yes.

If just seeing His face or hearing His voice makes me smile is romantic, then yes.

i could go on and on but... i think it all depends on your personal vision of romance.

 

[RisiaSkye]

True intimacy is the greatest expression of Romance.

 

[pierced_boy]

So true

Risia

you're seldom more poignant, accurate or



brief


duck the flying pen

h

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: So true

Risia

you're seldom more poignant, accurate or



brief

I can't really bitch too loud; I know I ramble.