Rock Star Sees Old Flame Backstage

[SEVERUSMAX]

Charles Sanders, aka Blackjack Chuck of the Blackjack Aces, took a double take and had to catch his breath before singing the next hit single "Devil May Care" to the crowd of hardcore fans. There she was....damn that girl.....the girl who tore his heart into pieces ages ago.

Vicki. Damn her. Vicki was in the crowd. Vicki with her short, frosted hair and gray-green eyes. She didn't look a day older than she did eight years ago, the last time he saw her. She had to be forty, but he didn't care. She could still put a lump in his throat and butterflies in his stomach.

Charles buckled down and went ahead into his song. Only "Crazy Ivan", his drummer and best friend, caught on to it. Ivan cared too much about Charles not to see the pain and he remembered what Charles told him about Vicki. He knew the whole damn story.

Charles had a decision to make. To give her a backstage pass or not. Not for the usual, "groupie" stuff necessarily, though sex with Vicki would beat the normal groupie sex by a country mile. No, he WOULD give her a backstage pass, if for no better reason than to talk to her again and see what happened to her. Not to rub it in. That wasn't his style. He didn't want to hurt Vicki. He couldn't hurt her.

Even she hadn't hurt him on purpose. She just couldn't go with him where he wanted to go. They were too different and they wanted too many different things, but he still hungered for her....fiercely. He still loved her, damn it.

Yeah, I'll see her again, just this once. Nothing will come of it but another memory. She couldn't do it before. She can't now. I still don't really know how she feels about me, all these years later. She just turned me down for her own reasons. The timing was wrong, she said. The circumstances. It wasn't against me in principle. Or so she said. It still stung. It still hurt me. But I can't stay mad at her. I never could. She never meant me harm. Of course, if she knew the real me, she'd have other reasons to say "no". Reasons founded in what mothers told their daughters that "nice girls don't do" and social conventions insisting that "respectable" women must expect of men. Either way, nothing would come of this. We would walk away from each other as before. Yeah, that's what will happen.

 

[AngelofyourNighmares]

Vicki had no idea why she was even there in the first place, other then one a friend had dragged her along, and two she needed to see him.. needed to know he was okay. She had never meant to hurt Charles, but she had her reasons and he seemed to understand why she had done what she had done.

Seeing him only brought up feelings she thought had long ago vanished. He looked good up there. So good she thought to herself. She looked around wondering if he had noticed she was there yet, part of her hoped he did the other part of her wanted to flee the venue. He still looked amazing.. how could a man still look so good she wondered. They had both aged, but neither of them had really changed in there looks. He still brought out feelings she had long since hidden away.

Why the hell did I decide it was a smart thing to come here she pondered to herself. She tucked a piece of imaginary hair behind her ear. Fuck I am a stupid broad she thought to herself. Vicki felt like a idiot she should have just told her friend no she couldn't come, but she felt she had to see him.

Vicki felt like a heel being there, she had no right to be there, but there she was, watching him do what he did best. She bit her lip and looked at her friend who was having the time of her life while she was dealing with her own inner turmoil. She had to regain control of herself and these feelings. She knew she had hurt him by leaving, but what other choice did she have back then. She did what she thought was best. He was doing well and she could tell. She felt happy yet sad all at the same time. Ridiculous she thought.. she was being utterly ridicoulous.

She still felt guilty for leaving him. It just wasn't the right time for them to be together though that was all she ever wanted. They were two very different people heading in two very different directions, did that mean she didn't love him, hell no, Charles was the only man she had ever really loved. And to this day, though she hated to admit it she still loved him.

Thats why she was there today, cause she still loved him. She sighed to herself, why couldn't love just be love she thought... uncomplicated.. every thing was complicated. The love between them had always been complicated but it was also very real... and she still loved him she probably always would. She needed to talk to him. She needed to know he was okay. She needed to tell him she would always love him.. no that was the last thing she needed to tell him... she couldn't let him know her feelings.. that would only complicate there lives even more and neither one of them needed that at the moment, plus he looked as if he was doing well and the last thing she wwanted to do was to ruin that.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Blackjack Chuck/Charles Sanders

Charles went through several more songs as the concert wound down, pouring his heart and soul into the music. Even so, he kept staring at Vicki. His eyes were never that far from her. Other girls might show up on his radar, sure, especially the really pretty ones, he was only human.....but none of them were as beautiful as Vicki. At forty years of age, she still had them beat by a country mile.

Charles did his best not to dwell on Vicki, to focus and all, and the work certainly helped him clear his head for a time, but it was useless to keep her totally off his mind now. She was the heart-shaped hole in his soul, and more than a few of his songs over the years had to do with the pain of his heartache. He wondered if she knew or even guessed what she had done to him, though she hadn't meant to hurt him, of course.

The lyrics of the first verse especially fit him and his feelings toward Vicki, if anyone bothered to read or listen to them.


The Devil May Care, but, babe, do you?
I don't bleed too much like I used to.
My heart's ripped out, but it's got a scab.
My spirit's dead, now on the slab.
Don't kiss me now and tell me it's okay.
It will never again be that way.


As with much of grunge rock, it was perhaps at times tough for some folks to notice or understand all of the lyrics, but close examination would make it clear that Charles had turned his pain into profit quite a bit over the past eight years. He had to admit that he hadn't been the perfect boyfriend for her, given the groupies and cheating, but he had been otherwise a great guy. He had treated her very well, been attentive, loving, even romantic toward her....but yes, he'd been unfaithful, too, and part of him wondered for years if that had been the real reason that they hadn't worked out. He was human, monogamy wasn't really all that natural for him, but he had tried it a few times over the years, only to have it break down on him.

In the end, though, Vicki was still the girl who haunted his dreams, the girl who got away. The woman that he loved and cared for, had given his heart, only to lose it to whatever reason she had for it. Then again, she had her needs. She had a different path to take. He had gone his way and done well, made it big, but the price for that fame was a wound in his heart and soul that had barely scabbed, and never fully healed.

As the last song petered out, Charles turned to his bodyguard and told them, "See the girl with the dirty blonde hair and the gray-green eyes. Yes, that one. Give her a backstage pass, VIP, if you will. I have something to say to her. If she'll speak to me again."

He wondered what Milos thought of his taste in women, but he could guess. Milos liked them a lot younger. Oh, well, let Milos think he wanted. Charles wasn't ashamed of his feelings for Vicki, or else he wouldn't have had offered the pass. To each their own. He just had to see her again, one last time....one last time.

Milos did think that it was odd that Charles went for a cougar, but to be fair, Vicki was a beauty at any age and even the Hungarian immigrant bodyguard could admit that. Charles just had different tastes in women, that's all. The man often went for the older groupies, leaving the younger ones to the band, much to their relief, as he could have any of them that he wanted.

Anyway, there she was, and he hurried to get to her before she could leave the concert.

"Hey, ma'am, boss man says to give you this. Backstage pass. VIP. Only one VIP guest per band member, you know. He wants to see you again, I guess. Says that he has something to tell you. You coming? There's girls who'd give their right tit to go backstage with Chuck. Your call," Milos asked her in his slight accent (having been in the US for thirty years now), pushing back his receding grey hair.

 

[AngelofyourNighmares]

Vicki watched Charles with fire in her eyes, she knew he was good at his music, but she had forgotten just how good he really was, hearing him, and the crowd made her realize giving him up might have been not only good for her, but might have been the best thing for him as well. She could feel his eyes on her, but she didn't think to much of it, she thought she was just a face in the crowd that he knew and he was focusing on that or so she assumed. She took a deep breath, she should have never agreed to come here. Vicki knew he was going to be there, she still followed his music, hell to be honest she still followed him, she couldn't help it she knew deep down a part of her would always love and follow him. Stupid woman she thought to herself.

It wasn't as if she had not tried to move on cause she surely had, but in her defense no man was as good as Charles, and she wasn't just talking about as a man... but noone could match up to her in bed quite like Charles had been able to. She shook her head, what a hell of a thing to think of right at this moment... but sex with Charles had always been dynamic and they matched each other so well, shake it off Vicki she told herself. She still thought of the break up often, it was always there right in the back of her mind.. even when she tried to think of anything but that.

Most people chose to just listen to the music but Vicki was smarter then that she lived for words... and the words in the next song hit her all at once. Well fuck she thought to herself, she looked over at her friend who was really into the music and debated on saying hey that guy up there... that's my ex.. but her friend was having a great time and the last thing she wanted was to ruin her drama with a ex from her past.

What a song she thought.. she sighed to herself.. she knew she had hurt him when she walked out but had she really even meant that much to Charles.. she was older then him for one... two he never stayed faithful and that was a big deal for her, it was honestly one of the driving forces that made her want to leave.. but that was another story all together.

He had done well for himself, and she was truly happy for him... and if her leaving was a reason for her success then she would know she had done the right thing, but wait didn't she already know that, sure she did. He wasn't a bad man, actually other then the traveling and the groupies, and the cheating he was the best man and best friend she had ever had.. and thats what really broke her, was that if he had just been faitful she could have looked past the groupies, the traveling, and the age difference, but that was then and this was now and she just couldn't dwell on the past. She hated that she could never really move on cause she always thought well what if he didn't cheat would things be different maybe.. but then again who knew.. Vicki was older now and she didn't have time for games.. or cheating in her life.. she didn't then she didn't now. She sighed to herself, what if he changed... no Vicki no.. she could not allow herself to think that way.

She couldn't help herself seeing Charles on that stage after all this time, made her heart race, her palms sweaty, and her knees weak. She felt angry at herself for a reason, if she wouldn't have came she would not be feeling any of this, although she followed his career and him, she never allowed herself to go see him play until now.. she had to be a damn good friend to put herself through this. She wondered what life would have been like had she went with him, or followed him like one of the groupies.. but she just didn't know, at the moment she didn't know much of anything except the fact she could not take her eyes off of him. She was grateful he was a success thats all she ever really wanted for him, even if that meant they had to be apart for him to do so.

The concert was soon to be over, and she looked at her friend who was still rocking out and having a great time... don't ruin her night she thought. What could she say, can we leave, I don't want to run into my ex, no she couldn't do that. Why did everything always have to be so damn complicated. She looked around the room and then looked towards the stage and watched Charles with invested interest. Stop staring she told herself. It wasn't polite.

Besides Vicki never admitted to her friends her taste in younger men, what would they think of her, not that Vicki was the type that gave a damn what people thought of her after all. After Charles she started dating men her own age, but again they never ever matched up to him. She knew noone ever would. She should just tell her friend.. yeah she would. She shrugged and looked at Lisa... but Lisa was way to lost in the music to hear her at least for the time being.. she laughed a little at that, but she was Lisa a long time ago as well.. she would be now if circumstances were different.

She looked at Charles and then away, the last she wanted was for him to catch her staring at him, but she just could not help herself, he had always been the best looking man in the room well at least in her opinion away. She looked at the stage and noticed a flock of groupies around the men and found herself frowning.. no it would never work.. she was a jealous woman and she was already feeling that way just seeing the groupies there. Fuck me she thought to herself.. why did I come? She knew why deep down she knew.

She fiddled with the necklace that she wore, before she noticed a man walking over towards her.. she shook her head.. this was not happening.

She looked up as the man started to speak to her, and she listened with interest. She looked in his hand and knew what it was a backstage pass... vip.. usually that meant one thing, but Charles giving her one didn't mean that no she knew him alot better then that, he would have just came over to her and told her he wanted to hook up. She looked at her friend whom was watching the conversation. She looked at the man then her friend. Time to fess up. ''The lead singer is my ex, and he wants me to come back stage.. I owe him that much.'' She said to Lisa and then looked at the man, as Lisa looked stunned and shocked all at the same time but told her to go. ''Okay lead the way.'' She said to the man taking a very long deep breath.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Blackjack Chuck/Charles Sanders

Charles waited nervously, a shot of Jack in his hand as he did so, for Vicki to arrive. He didn't typically drink after a show, or before one, either, but these weren't typical circumstances. He took a deep breath and tossed back the shot, letting the burn clear his mind for a moment and bring him some calm. He felt every last second of that whiskey burn as it hit his nostrils and his throat, a cleansing sensation through and through as he sat in his chair in the dressing room backstage for Vicki.

Vicki, his first love, five years his senior in age, worlds apart in long-term goals, his old flame. He had tried to love again, found a few girlfriends here or there, though they, too, couldn't keep up with his lifestyle or control their jealousy enough to accept him as he was. They weren't in Vicki's ballpark, league, or whatever, either. Younger, maybe even prettier at times, but none of them were as passionate, as loving, as intense, as ardent as Vicki. She could be nasty, but she could also be sweet. The nastiness usually came out when she got jealous over some chick that she caught him banging a time or two when he wasn't careful enough.

In his heart of hearts, Charles wished that gap could be bridged, but he knew that it never would. He wasn't a faithful guy, wasn't a one-woman man at heart, but he loved Vicki with a passion that faithful, happily married husbands of fifty years couldn't match, he was sure of it. He was a poet, a musician, and that kind of artistic passion often spilled over a bit, but that just was because it was that strong.

To be honest, he blamed society and its expectations in the 20th century for his predicament. In an earlier time, before monogamy became the moral standard, women would have understood him, though he wasn't sure if Vicki would. He was pretty sure that she was a very jealous woman by nature. Would she have been different in another century? Maybe, maybe not, but would she still have been the Vicki that he loved? He doubted that.

So, here he was, waiting for his hopes to be dashed, really to get some closure, face the music (very funny, he thought), and get his heart broken all over again. By the woman that he still loved, whatever their differences and his perceived flaws. He didn't see them as flaws, but he knew that she always would. She still loved him and stayed with him for a while in spite of such, but in the end, different plans for their lives, different ways of life, different lifestyles, different dreams, and, yes, different morals, drove them apart.

Why in the world was he crazy enough to think that anything good could come of this? Because he was in love......and love always raised more hopes to be dashed all over again. Because the heart wanted what it wanted, and because underneath his cynical armor, he was still a romantic in his own lustful, priapic way. So was Vicki, but she was never going to understand. He just hoped, vainly, that their love would be enough.....but it hadn't been before, so why would it be now?

Such were his thoughts as he waited, nervously, for her....bracing himself for the pain of seeing her and losing her again. Nothing could prepare him for that, but he'd face this Hell yet again for her. He would do anything for her, except become someone that he wasn't.