PrincTyler
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First time story teller needing some directions and opinions on my story. The Adventures Of Fritz Part 2
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Singularity
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Fritz's Story, Chapter 2
I have to admit that this was a very difficult read. The grammar and spelling tend to get in the way of the images you are trying to create in the reader's mind.
I suggest you re-read what you have written, and edit it and work on how it sounds and reads. For me, the presentation gets in the way of the erotica, and it needs some serious work to find its way out of the labryinth and to paint the images you want to present to the reader.
I suggest you read some other authors' work, and when you read it, don't read "the story". Instead, read the words and the sentences and the paragraphs in the same manner as a biologist dissects a frog. Focus on the intestines and the skin and the inner parts of what was written. Look at how they use dialog, and description, and imagery. And borrow and steal, shamelessly (the constructs, but not the actual words, of course).
Plus, when I write a story, I always go back at least 4-5 times to re-read and edit and hone the words to match as closely as possible the feeling and the image I want to convey. It takes me 3-4 months from start to finish on a story. I consider myself "slow" in that regard. Others may do it faster, but getting waht you write "right" is what counts most.
Writing is damn hard work and getting good at it takes time and effort (and I know I will never be good enough...., but I like to try, nonetheless).
Here are some "low hanging fruit" that you can address with your next story.
The narrative starts off with a few things that can aggravate some readers.
First, the long, drawn-out "M.....m" is a bit dramatic, and it doesn't really add to the dialog. In the next paragraph you become a victim of the spell-checker. You have "close" when you meant "closed" and "ment" where you meant "meant".
Phrasing and spelling that isn't right will send a good portion of your readership away - or get you hammered with low votes. Regardless of how or why it happened, it looks like carelessness or a lack of attention to detail. And that matters to most readers.
Moving beyond the introduction, you have some mixed tenses in the next couple of paragraphs and some awkward sentences.
"who ever" should be "whoever, his Aunt Ressie "had just come" from Austria, and his parents "were" having a big "get-together"
The last sentence in the paragraph just crashes in without any warning. Why does Aunt Ressie's presence provoke "panty-dropping women"?
There are other somewhat jarring images, and spelling and grammar problems that the rest of the story gets tangled up in, as it unfolds.
I hope these ideas and suggestions help. I know that putting something you created out in front of millions (well, at least thousands) of strangers takes real courage ((I know I was scared shitless the first time I did it). The important thing is to learn and grow from the experience and take what you learn so you can kick ass the next time.
Singularity
I have to admit that this was a very difficult read. The grammar and spelling tend to get in the way of the images you are trying to create in the reader's mind.
I suggest you re-read what you have written, and edit it and work on how it sounds and reads. For me, the presentation gets in the way of the erotica, and it needs some serious work to find its way out of the labryinth and to paint the images you want to present to the reader.
I suggest you read some other authors' work, and when you read it, don't read "the story". Instead, read the words and the sentences and the paragraphs in the same manner as a biologist dissects a frog. Focus on the intestines and the skin and the inner parts of what was written. Look at how they use dialog, and description, and imagery. And borrow and steal, shamelessly (the constructs, but not the actual words, of course).
Plus, when I write a story, I always go back at least 4-5 times to re-read and edit and hone the words to match as closely as possible the feeling and the image I want to convey. It takes me 3-4 months from start to finish on a story. I consider myself "slow" in that regard. Others may do it faster, but getting waht you write "right" is what counts most.
Writing is damn hard work and getting good at it takes time and effort (and I know I will never be good enough...., but I like to try, nonetheless).
Here are some "low hanging fruit" that you can address with your next story.
The narrative starts off with a few things that can aggravate some readers.
First, the long, drawn-out "M.....m" is a bit dramatic, and it doesn't really add to the dialog. In the next paragraph you become a victim of the spell-checker. You have "close" when you meant "closed" and "ment" where you meant "meant".
Phrasing and spelling that isn't right will send a good portion of your readership away - or get you hammered with low votes. Regardless of how or why it happened, it looks like carelessness or a lack of attention to detail. And that matters to most readers.
Moving beyond the introduction, you have some mixed tenses in the next couple of paragraphs and some awkward sentences.
"who ever" should be "whoever, his Aunt Ressie "had just come" from Austria, and his parents "were" having a big "get-together"
The last sentence in the paragraph just crashes in without any warning. Why does Aunt Ressie's presence provoke "panty-dropping women"?
There are other somewhat jarring images, and spelling and grammar problems that the rest of the story gets tangled up in, as it unfolds.
I hope these ideas and suggestions help. I know that putting something you created out in front of millions (well, at least thousands) of strangers takes real courage ((I know I was scared shitless the first time I did it). The important thing is to learn and grow from the experience and take what you learn so you can kick ass the next time.
Singularity
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