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Guest
Guest
I just read "Swift Justice" by Erotic Author :
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=100471
I loved the concept and the situation that transpired in this story. Its always fun to have some fun with "The Man" and I'd be happy to see this story get resubmitted with some or all of the ideas below.
Considering the circumstances with just the cops I don't think it was too short. But since the cops weren't the only characters that were important to the story I think there definitely could've been more substance here.
Roxanne's character was left too vague and seemingly "cardboard" to a degree. I really didn't care that this situation was happening to her because there was so little I knew about her.
Her physical appearance was spread thin across the storyline, where as had it been bundled together and splashed with some elegance I really think it would've made her character as important as she should've been. perhaps this would've been better for her if the story started back at her home with her climbing from the shower and getting ready for a night out, during which she may or may not be getting lucky. This would've given ample opportunity for Roxanne to be better described, perhaps even have her pleasure herself before getting dressed and going out. At the bar is where her night should start going wrong; maybe she runs into an old boyfriend, or to further heighten the 'forced' aspect of the story, perhaps this is a bar for lesbians and she ran into an old girlfriend and things just don't go well, which in turn causes her to drink until thorough stupification is well settled in. A lesbian bar could also potentially bring up the erotic factors of the story as well.
The only thing I would've liked to see added to the cops is a bit more of a blurb about them having gotten away with this conduct for years. That would add a lot in saying how sinister these cops really are.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=100471
I loved the concept and the situation that transpired in this story. Its always fun to have some fun with "The Man" and I'd be happy to see this story get resubmitted with some or all of the ideas below.
Considering the circumstances with just the cops I don't think it was too short. But since the cops weren't the only characters that were important to the story I think there definitely could've been more substance here.
Roxanne's character was left too vague and seemingly "cardboard" to a degree. I really didn't care that this situation was happening to her because there was so little I knew about her.
Her physical appearance was spread thin across the storyline, where as had it been bundled together and splashed with some elegance I really think it would've made her character as important as she should've been. perhaps this would've been better for her if the story started back at her home with her climbing from the shower and getting ready for a night out, during which she may or may not be getting lucky. This would've given ample opportunity for Roxanne to be better described, perhaps even have her pleasure herself before getting dressed and going out. At the bar is where her night should start going wrong; maybe she runs into an old boyfriend, or to further heighten the 'forced' aspect of the story, perhaps this is a bar for lesbians and she ran into an old girlfriend and things just don't go well, which in turn causes her to drink until thorough stupification is well settled in. A lesbian bar could also potentially bring up the erotic factors of the story as well.
The only thing I would've liked to see added to the cops is a bit more of a blurb about them having gotten away with this conduct for years. That would add a lot in saying how sinister these cops really are.
