Research thread: How do you get angry?

[TheEarl]

This isn't a "What makes you cross?" question. It's more of a "What do you do when you are cross?"

In the spirit of showing, not telling, I want my female co-lead to do something to show that she's pissed off. Not trashing the furniture, cutting up his suits pissed off, just minorly peeved. And I realised I have no idea what women do when they're angry (but for some reason I do still have an uncanny sense of when to duck).

I personally would grit my teeth, maybe take a deep breath or clench my fists, maybe tense my arm and shoulder muscles, but it's struck me that all of those (barring the breath thing, which I've used earlier) are very manly responses and I was wondering whether the lasses acted differently when pissed off.

The Earl

 

[cloudy]

My brother and my first husband both used to tell me that my eyes narrowed like a cats when I got angry. I don't know how true that is, but it apparently happened often enough to warn them both.

 

[Guest]

 

[yui]

If I'm angry—pissy angry, not huge angry—I won't look at you. I'll speak, but I won't expound on anything that is said. I will avoid eye contact and agree, without meaning it, with everything you say (sometimes, I'll agree even before you get the words out). I will also try to avoid even casual physical contact with you.

Luck,

Yui

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

I'm with Lime on the sarcasm. You can usually tell I'm angry because the tone of my voice changes and I become extremely scarcastic (can you believe I can get more sarcastic?). Sometimes the sarcasm fails because it will make me and/or the other person laugh.

When I'm really pissed off I get pretty quiet and don't answer things. It's like someone turned on the mute button and I just cease to care about the resolution anymore. That has pissed off many a person. People want you to care about the issue you are disagreeing about and after a certain point I just don't care. I remember one fight my husband told me he was going to leave me and I told him to make sure he took his car and not mine because my car was out of gas. He was non-plused.

If I get crazy angry I am a shouter. I shout....and I have a pretty low voice for a girl so my voice really carries. I will shout and occasionally throw things (at the wall- not at anyone).

If the other person gets physically aggressive that's where I lose all sense of reality. I'm 5'4" and it doesn't amtter if you were 6'4"....if you start puffing up your chest and doing that male posturing thing where you act like you are going to try to get physical... I will get right up in your face. I hardly ever back down. Not pretty.

You know....upon reflection....nothing I do when I am angry seems like a good plan. Perhaps that is why I'm a "love em or hate em" kind of person. Either people REALLY like me...or they REALLY don't. I guess one would REALLY have to like me to put up with how I get when I'm pissy.

~WOK

 

[English Lady]

When I am pissed off I bounce my foot rapidly if I'm sat down, I will fiddle either with my appearance (Harshly flickiing hair form my face or picking lint off my clothes) or with ornaments on a shelf or i'll wash the pots (and bang them alot) or really scrub at something.

My sentances will become shorter and I'lluse more forceful intonation. I rarely get to sarcasm but it can happen. I will hold my face ridgidly, my eyes narrowed and my lips pursed, almost pouting, just a step away from snarling.

I will take myself away from the person who is pissing me off if I can and I will make lots of noise somewhere else to make them aware I'm not happy. If I can't leave the vicinity of the person who ismaking me angry I will seperate myself from them as far as I can, turning my back,or cocking my shoulder away from them. I will point my feet away from the person, maybe cross my arms and really just make my body language really hostile.

Yeah, so basically I sulk*L*

 

[eric shawn listo]

Once, my dear wife and I were having a "discussion". She was brushing her teeth at the time. At one point when things were not going her way, she pulled the toothbrush from her mouth and snapped it in two right in front of my nose. Unfortunately, I laughed. C'mon, it was funny. She didn't think so. I bought her a new toothbrush the next day.

 

[Guest]

Most people tell me I look angry all the time. I'm not. But I can tell you that when I get a little peaved, I make sarcastic comments. When I start to get pretty well pissed I yell a lot and cuss like the son-of-a-sailor-and-truck-driver I am. Usually doesn't last long though.

When I get dangerously angry, and that is rare, I tend just get very quiet and watch. The few people who have seen it have said it was the scariest thing they ever saw. They could see me picking targets.

Fortunately that only happens about once every 15 years and takes something like 9/11 to make me go that far.

 

[scheherazade_79]

I have a bit of an explosive celtic temper. I'll put up with stuff for ages and ages, usually long after other people would have reacted, but I'll get quieter and quieter. After a while I tend to just freeze, because I can feel my muscles getting tighter and tighter. Gradually my face goes red, and I'll tell the other person in very clipped tones why I'm annoyed. It rarely goes further than this. In my lifetime I've met two people who've really made me blow a fuse, and when this happens I tend to waive my arms and pace around like I'm on a stage. Yes, on certain occasions I do turn into a drama queen... Fortunately, it doesn't last long, before I just sit down and cry. I guess all that pent up energy has to come out somehow.

 

[brightlyiburn]

Depends. If I'm just kinda pissy, I usually get really quiet. If you speak to me, I'll be snappish and sarcastic. I don't like to be touched, either. And I may give you a look; I've been told that if looks could kill, people would keel over when I look at them like that.

All out anger is usually screaming, throwing stuff, tearing stuff, swearing a lot. And I can get to all out anger from pissy if you keep trying to talk to me or touch me. Sometimes I get so angry and frustrated that I cry. I can escalate to this point pretty fast, especially if you keep egging me on, and while admittedly I have a lot of anger issues, I think most women have that problem. Where if you hit upon just the right thing, it can send them into an all out tantrum in an eyeblink.
For me it usually comes from a feeling of vulnerability. I don't like that. Can't say for other women, though.

 

[minsue]

I personally would grit my teeth, maybe take a deep breath or clench my fists, maybe tense my arm and shoulder muscles, but it's struck me that all of those (barring the breath thing, which I've used earlier) are very manly responses and I was wondering whether the lasses acted differently when pissed off.

I do the same, Earl. Unfortunately, my face also flushes instantly red so I cannot hide that I'm angry even when I want to. (Which only pisses me off more.... )

If I'm arguing with someone and getting angry, but trying to keep myself under control, I have inherited from my father the horrible, evil habit of speaking very slowly and enunciating more emphatically than is normal. It comes off as unbelievably condescending and I never realized as a kid that my father was trying to keep from flying off the handle. He just sounded like the biggest ass on earth. Needless to say, I was less than happy the first time someone pointed out that I do it too. Grrrrr.

Edited to add: Like Brightly, I also cry if really angry. Which, of course, just makes me angrier. There's no quicker way to lose an argument than bursting into tears. Even if the other person gives in to me, I've still lost.

 

[English Lady]

Oh, Ishould add that I will often look like i'm holding back tears (I usually am) you know red rimmed and tear glazed eyes, I'll often bite my lip to try and stop myself crying and take big deep breaths.

I will cryif i get even slightly angry and I hate that. As minsue says once you start crying you've lost it. You can't communicate any more...

 

[CharleyH]

I have two levels of anger:

1) When someone does something completely assinine like cutting off a person during a road range moment when I am a passenger on the highway. A simple burst of "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!" Followed by the semi-heart beating rapid, palm sweating due to fear, babbling spill of sentances like "Are you twelve years old. You could have killed us. Are you an asshole. Grow up." sentiments.


2) Anger minus the fear: My teeth clamp down from the stress of being pissed. My mind rages with a hundred steaming thoughts about how to react. My hole body tenses, and I try to gain control by digging my nails into my palm. I cannot speak, and you do not want to speak to me. My heart races, and I look at that person with the most cutting of evil glances. If I must say a word, it is brief and comes in an even, deeper clenched tone than my typical voice sounds. I try not to speak in these moments, and generally avoid talking to that person for a day or two until I can gather my thoughts on how to deal with the situation in a mature way.

Hope it helps.

 

[Guest]

Speech gets clipped and terse. Short answers, almost spat out. Sarcasm usually creeps in too.

exactly, what do you mean, mr. man? care to expound on this?

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Sure. Sit on my lap and I'll expand for ya.

i remember what happened last time.
im so there!
yehaw!

 

[LadyJeanne]

I inherited a quick temper from my dad, along with his way of dealing with it, which was to give in to the rage and yell really loud until it's all out, followed by instant reget and remorse for doing so. The worst part of that is the, "What in hell is wrong with you????" kind of shouting.

The only people who bring out that kind of rage in me are boyfriends. I've long since practiced keeping the rage under control by removing myself from the situation until I cool off. If that's not possible, I just clam up. Monosyllabic answers, sarcasm, and looks that say, "Fuck you asshole". During this period, there is no possible way to make me laugh and if someone tries, then the dam breaks and the shouting commences.

Disappointment also results in similar responses, although it's slightly easier for me to clamp down on it.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

No spurs this time, 'kay?

stick in the mud

 

[minsue]

No spurs this time, 'kay?

Spoilsport

 

[Guest]

 

[yui]

It's not me, but the guy downstairs was really pissed when she punctured the waterbed.

Did you ever see that episode of the X-files?


I would also like to add, as a personal quirk, my nose itches when I am irritated which only serves to make me more irritated.

 

[Guest]

Did you ever see that episode of the X-files?


I would also like to add, as a personal quirk, my nose itches when I am irritated which only serves to make me more irritated.

sweetie, when your nose itches, it means your going to kiss a fool.

PUCKAH UP!

 

[Goldlion1]

Simply put...I get quiet...and seethe, I forgive, but never forget.....

 

[TheEarl]

Thanks all. Will definitely be using some of those.

Here's an interesting question that occurred to me while reading those: What do you do when someone is really annoyed at you.

If its my partner or a close friend, then I tend to retreat right back into myself, going very quiet and keeping away from any contact with them, usually by finding a corner. Eyesight drops to the floor and I've been told I look really hurt, even if te vitriol was completely justified and thoroughly my fault.

If it's someone else, then I tend to like a quiet life, pulling back if my dignity and pride allows. However, like Scheh, I will occasionally lose the place if I'm pushed too far and end up shouting along with the best of them.

The Earl