Requesting feedback
- Thread starter KITSOR
- Start date
Kit Sorenson
flawed_ethics
Professional Dufus
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2001
- Posts
- 1,193
Just my 2 cents
For what it's worth, you should try and include a link with every story you offer up here. It helps a million.
Summer Heat
I thought it was pretty good, although a little dry. Hold it against me if you want, but I like an element of tension between consenting characters instead of an, 'oh, I like how this is going' approach.
Also, in my unfounded opinion, the paragraphs before "He’d been watching her for days now," would hev been better played if described from the man's POV. While jumping to show someone spying on her does add a delicious vouyeristic element, it also shifts the reader's attention. I felt the sense of intimacy disintegrated with that.
Otherwise, good show, and welcome aboard!
For what it's worth, you should try and include a link with every story you offer up here. It helps a million.
Summer Heat
I thought it was pretty good, although a little dry. Hold it against me if you want, but I like an element of tension between consenting characters instead of an, 'oh, I like how this is going' approach.
Also, in my unfounded opinion, the paragraphs before "He’d been watching her for days now," would hev been better played if described from the man's POV. While jumping to show someone spying on her does add a delicious vouyeristic element, it also shifts the reader's attention. I felt the sense of intimacy disintegrated with that.
Otherwise, good show, and welcome aboard!
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