Requesting Feedback, Pretty Please

[darlingmara]

.......

 

[QuidProQuo77]

Sweet little narrative.

Your writing style was good and crisp, descriptions were good. I personally would like to see more character stuff - help me understand who these people are... But overall, a fine piece of writing!

 

[Sammael Bard]

https://www.literotica.com/s/rough-and-sweet

 

[robertreams]

certainly a good piece of writing, but i have suggestions to make it crisper and more compelling. Your narration is right on the edge of registering strong on my peter meter. Two things: Not enough description (I want to know what his cock and her pussy looked, smelled, tasted, like.) and when it gets down to the nitty-gritty, your sentences should be terse and tight, allowing the action to move faster, even with description

A couple of incoherent tensr changes and a few errors should be more closely edited.

 

[tomlitilia]

Echoing previous comments, it's a good piece, but a little rushed. A bit more details would have helped. I liked the beginning where you used the mirror to give an "excuse" to describe the heroine. Many 1st person stories forget to mention even the gender of the person talking and you get surprised when the main character starts rubbing "her" cock
You dodged that nicely, but I would have enjoyed some further description to paint a picture of the woman talking, both physically and mentally.

But again - lots of good stuff too. I'm looking forward to future stories.

 

[Superman2008]

Hi there,

I am very new to this sort of writing and my first story just got posted. I would very much appreciate if some of you would read my story and give me some honest, helpful feedback!

Its called "Rough and Sweet" in the Erotic Couplings section.

Thanks in advance to those who read and comment!

- darlingmara

Really enjoy your style. MORE... please