Remind Me Again That I'm Being An Ethical Slut....

[BiBunny]

Yes, this is a "pat me on the head and tell me I'm doing it right or at least acceptably" thread.

I was more or less happily single for nearly a year. Then, suddenly, since I've met Yeti, every single man in a 200-mile radius has decided he's attracted to me. I'm not exactly complaining about this, but where the heck were these guys when I actually needed to get laid?

Anyway, I just need to know I'm handling this ok, I guess. Almost all my friends are involved in these REALLY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS, so they may or may not be able to tell me if I'm doing all right when I run it by them. Besides the obvious things of safe sex (for the ones I have sex with, that is, because I don't do it with all of them) and being open and honest about my other partners, what else can I do to make this whole harem of male subs thing work well? God knows, if they KEEP coming out of the woodwork, I'm going to have more than I can keep up with, LOL.

No, seriously, there are only a handful. The thing with the Yeti's the most serious (hey there, cute boy ), and the thing with the subbie boy I keep talking about has the potential to be something more than just a playtoy situation. The others, not so much, but if they wanna play, I'm game.

If I'm missing something important about being an ethical slut here, somebody please give me a swift kick in the ass. It's been awhile since I did anything like this, and I'd rather keep the bloodshed to a minimum. Figured running it by mostly unbiased observers would be the best way to make sure I'm handling things ok.

 

[Betticus]

Just because you act like a slut doesn't mean you are... and just because I act like a rapist doesn't mean .... wait..

 

[BiBunny]

Just because you act like a slut doesn't mean you are... and just because I act like a rapist doesn't mean .... wait..

*Snort* Way to talk yourself into a corner there, buddy.

 

[Betticus]

*Snort* Way to talk yourself into a corner there, buddy.

Yeah, .. dammit.

 

[HottieMama]

i think as long as you are being honest and up-front with everyone involved you are doing just fine.

 

[graceanne]

Well, if you insist . . .

You're an ethical slut.

Better?

 

[BiBunny]

i think as long as you are being honest and up-front with everyone involved you are doing just fine.

Thank you.

Well, if you insist . . .

You're an ethical slut.

Better?

Absolutely. End of thread!

 

[graceanne]

Absolutely. End of thread!

Now, never say I didn't do anything for ya.

 

[intothewoods]

As long as you're honest, you're doing just fine. Consenting adults and all that. No problem here.

Why would you be concerned? Does it just feel like a lot to manage?

 

[BiBunny]

Now, never say I didn't do anything for ya.

I you, gracie!

As long as you're honest, you're doing just fine. Consenting adults and all that. No problem here.

Why would you be concerned? Does it just feel like a lot to manage?

Yeah, I think that's it. It's fun, but I don't want to get in over my head with it all, y'know? And I want to make sure I'm handling it as well as I can. I don't want anyone getting hurt if I can help it. Well...at least not in the heavy-emotional kind of way.

 

[Homburg]

what else can I do to make this whole harem of male subs thing work well?

Charge them.

Fuck, I would think it is obvious. Set hourly rates, schedule in times, give yourself adequate decompress time between clients. Easy money. And Yeti is a big enough dude to play security.

There you go, total business plan. Enjoy.

 

[_kiana_]

I had a friend recently say that her "dance card is full."

She had decided that with all the relationships she has (husband, Dom, play partner, and three fwb) that she can't take anymore. With all the people to keep up with, manage time, along dealing with other things in her life there's no room left.

It might be something to think about. You're got Kitty and Yeti as serious relationships. One possible more than a playtoy sub, and what sounds like various other play partners. Maybe it's time to say no new people?

Just a thought.

But yes. You're being a very good ethical slut

 

[BiBunny]

Charge them.

Fuck, I would think it is obvious. Set hourly rates, schedule in times, give yourself adequate decompress time between clients. Easy money. And Yeti is a big enough dude to play security.

There you go, total business plan. Enjoy.

Heh. Don't think I haven't thought of it, H. And as time goes on and I become more experienced and acquire better equipment and a place to do it, it might become a real possibility. Right now, I just don't think I'm good enough to pull it off.

FWIW, there are a couple who are interested in the financial domination route, at least somewhat. We shall see how that pans out.

I had a friend recently say that her "dance card is full."

She had decided that with all the relationships she has (husband, Dom, play partner, and three fwb) that she can't take anymore. With all the people to keep up with, manage time, along dealing with other things in her life there's no room left.

It might be something to think about. You're got Kitty and Yeti as serious relationships. One possible more than a playtoy sub, and what sounds like various other play partners. Maybe it's time to say no new people?

Just a thought.

But yes. You're being a very good ethical slut

Right this second, it's not that big of a problem. I'm only playing with a couple of these people; I'm still in negotiation with the rest of them. I'm just making sure I'm doing it right. (It's been awhile!) But, yeah, I'll definitely say my dance card is full when it gets to that point. No shame in being satisfied, eh?

 

[Homburg]

Heh. Don't think I haven't thought of it, H. And as time goes on and I become more experienced and acquire better equipment and a place to do it, it might become a real possibility. Right now, I just don't think I'm good enough to pull it off.

Pfft. You can do it.

No shame in being satisfied, eh?

Damned good idea.

 

[rida]

It is more ethical to make them happy or turn them down?

So, same as Homburg-sama: charge them
I mean, there is nothing more ethical and straightforward than being paid to perform a service.

Joking aside: once you laid the card on the table. It is up to them.

 

[BiBunny]

It is more ethical to make them happy or turn them down?

So, same as Homburg-sama: charge them
I mean, there is nothing more ethical and straightforward than being paid to perform a service.

Joking aside: once you laid the card on the table. It is up to them.

I love the way y'all think.

Seriously, thank you. Sometimes I forget that I'm not responsible for every single decision that someone else makes. At some point, they have to be responsible, too.

 

[FurryFury]

I love the way y'all think.

Seriously, thank you. Sometimes I forget that I'm not responsible for every single decision that someone else makes. At some point, they have to be responsible, too.

That's absolutely true. You will likely get some obsessed person as some point with his or her heart broken despite the fact that you told them from the beginning what the deal was. That's on them, not you.

 

[sexycaz22]

Hope you don't mind the hijack here, but still on same topic.

I am in a similar situation to you, BiBunny (expect the part where you are in a couple of serious relationships and I am not! lol)

I am very honest with every guy I play with, whether it be a pyl or a PYL, that I am playing with other people, and so far, most of them were fine with it. Only one PYL preferred to be exclusive, but after discussing things and blah blah, I begun to see that we were looking for different things, so we agreed to not go further and stayed good friends.

Like you, I do have one sub which does have the potential to be in a serious relationship, long-term. But for now, we are having fun getting to know each other, etc.

Anyway...in the last few days, I have been having a struggle in myself, as much as I do enjoy playing with other guys, and oh boy, once we play, I do get into it! But at the same time, I have been missing the intimacy, the closeness, and everything about it, and being in a relationship. So, I am now debating whether if I should stop looking for casual play sessions and start looking for a serious relationship.

 

[SubKekiLee]

Bunny
I think if you are being honest with everyone you are doing all that you can.. and that if said person you are involved with are chosing to be with is making that choice as well they are chosing that life as well.. No worries

YOU go girl..

 

[JMohegan]

Yes, this is a "pat me on the head and tell me I'm doing it right or at least acceptably" thread.

I was more or less happily single for nearly a year. Then, suddenly, since I've met Yeti, every single man in a 200-mile radius has decided he's attracted to me. I'm not exactly complaining about this, but where the heck were these guys when I actually needed to get laid?

Anyway, I just need to know I'm handling this ok, I guess. Almost all my friends are involved in these REALLY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS, so they may or may not be able to tell me if I'm doing all right when I run it by them. Besides the obvious things of safe sex (for the ones I have sex with, that is, because I don't do it with all of them) and being open and honest about my other partners, what else can I do to make this whole harem of male subs thing work well? God knows, if they KEEP coming out of the woodwork, I'm going to have more than I can keep up with, LOL.

No, seriously, there are only a handful. The thing with the Yeti's the most serious (hey there, cute boy ), and the thing with the subbie boy I keep talking about has the potential to be something more than just a playtoy situation. The others, not so much, but if they wanna play, I'm game.

If I'm missing something important about being an ethical slut here, somebody please give me a swift kick in the ass. It's been awhile since I did anything like this, and I'd rather keep the bloodshed to a minimum. Figured running it by mostly unbiased observers would be the best way to make sure I'm handling things ok.

Head patting isn't really my thing, but I will offer food for thought.

As you know, many guys (especially younger ones) fuck and play casually. Often with great promiscuity! In doing so, they gain experience, good times, and (more often than not) the admiration of peers. I was once one of those guys, and didn't (and don't) see anything wrong with it since I adhered to the following rules.

Don't lie.

Don't mess with the taken. Seducing another guy's female is seriously uncool.

Don't fuck with the underage, the mentally impaired, or those suffering from recent trauma due to bad breakup, family tragedy, etc.

Don't kiss and tell. Maintain privacy commensurate with the intimacy of the act, not the level of commitment or underlying bond.

Ethical standards are individual constructs, and I don't expect other people to adhere to mine. But these rules served to assuage my conscience and maintain my positive reputation in the community at large.

I don't want anyone getting hurt if I can help it. Well...at least not in the heavy-emotional kind of way.

Some people are going to get hurt, no matter what you do.

 

[intothewoods]

Yeah, I think that's it. It's fun, but I don't want to get in over my head with it all, y'know? And I want to make sure I'm handling it as well as I can. I don't want anyone getting hurt if I can help it. Well...at least not in the heavy-emotional kind of way.

I think if a partner starts talking in ways that sounds way out of bounds from where you are emotionally, you'll want to say something. Not because you're obligated to, but it will save you the headache later on.

The guy I crushed on when I first became active in the scene was, and still is, an unabashed slut. I totally developed this huge massive crush on him, mostly because it was a fabulous mental escape from dealing with my separation. I mean, he's charming and hot and, uh, did I mention charming, but in reality it was more about where I was at the time (although I still content our children would be ridiculously good-looking). What kept me grounded about the whole thing (besides my own good sense reminding me, yeah, you're freaking out over the divorce - you're not actually this crazy about him) and able to emerge with no hard feelings towards him (we still kiss hello when we see each other), was his continued lighthearted attitude about sex with multiple partners. He never waxed romantic or any of that bullshit - he was all about sex and play.

 

[JMohegan]

Why would you be concerned?

It's wrong to treat women as sexual objects, to be used and discarded as such!

Adult females are equal to males. Competent and confident, full-fledged human beings!

Repeat those two statements ad nauseum, shout them from the rooftops, print them up and pass them out on every street corner, inject them into conversations on every conceivable topic, and you've got the liberal intellectual climate of the 70's, in large extent.

Problem was, the two assertions were often used to contradictory effect - particularly on the subject of dating and fucking and whatnot. I dealt with the first by holding firmly to the second.

As you said, "consenting adults and all that." Exactly. This wasn't enough to pacify all of the anti-objectification fanatics, but it was enough to satisfy me.

 

[Marquis]

ecause I don't do it with all of them) and being open and honest about my other partners, what else can I do to make this whole harem of male subs thing work well?

I don't see anything ethically wrong with what you're doing, but you should always strive for safe sex.

Safe sex doesn't have to mean condoms, dental dams and one toy for one partner. C, lo and I are all fluid bonded to each other, we have been tested and we trust each other not to break the fluid bond. If we sleep with someone outside the triad, we use condoms. That is what safe sex means for us.

Don't mess with the taken. Seducing another guy's female is seriously uncool.

All of the rules you laid out are my personal rules as well, except for this one. I'm curious about this, because it's something I've debated with myself before.

My thinking has always been that I am not a part of their relationship and I am not privy to any of the details, agreements or emotions involved. I have no responsibility to the other guy and feel that any anger he may have towards me is misplaced.

 

[JMohegan]

All of the rules you laid out are my personal rules as well, except for this one. I'm curious about this, because it's something I've debated with myself before.

My thinking has always been that I am not a part of their relationship and I am not privy to any of the details, agreements or emotions involved. I have no responsibility to the other guy and feel that any anger he may have towards me is misplaced.

Most of my casual fucking took place in college, when I was part of a large, but largely defined, community.

From a purely rational perspective, your justification rings true. But guys whose girlfriends just fucked around are rarely, if ever, rational in response - and I didn't want a reputation as giant prick on campus. Among other things, honor and camaraderie among males were very important to me.

Once past the casual fucking stage of my life, and into relationship mode, this rule took on a more practical base. Though, truthfully, the sense of personal honor is still there as well.

This doesn't mean that I necessarily judge others by the same yardstick. Circumstances vary, and in the absence of really detailed knowledge of a particular case, my response to people going down this road would be more practical than anything else.

 

[Netzach]

I don't see anything ethically wrong with what you're doing, but you should always strive for safe sex.

Safe sex doesn't have to mean condoms, dental dams and one toy for one partner. C, lo and I are all fluid bonded to each other, we have been tested and we trust each other not to break the fluid bond. If we sleep with someone outside the triad, we use condoms. That is what safe sex means for us.



All of the rules you laid out are my personal rules as well, except for this one. I'm curious about this, because it's something I've debated with myself before.

My thinking has always been that I am not a part of their relationship and I am not privy to any of the details, agreements or emotions involved. I have no responsibility to the other guy and feel that any anger he may have towards me is misplaced.

I feel this way as well. Their relationship is not my problem, and if that person is going to be taken, their relationship was fucked before he/she ever met me.

But that's how I roll, I'm not here to be liked.

Bunny - Let the boys make their own decisions and don't spread yourself too thin with Yeti. Simple enough. The only person I'm fluid-bonded with is M and we're a mountain of latex with other people.

I've always used barriers with my stud, because he's a tomcat.

We both like to live - I know he's paranoid with his other playthings, but I don't see myself as biologically privileged even if I'm special emotionally.