relationship sexual frustration

[greyskymorning]

Hey all,

I'm new the the forums. I've been reading the erotica on this site daily to get me by. I come to the forums after needing advice terribly...

I am in a serious relationship of 6 months. I am so in love with this girl and she is completely in love with me. I've never felt anything like this and I do believe she is my soulmate. We're moving in together in about 5 more months and I am excited to build my life with her. I am 21 and she is 26.

The problem is that I am an EXTREMELY sexual person, and she is not. She was abused when she was younger, and though she does enjoy sex with me shes does not enjoy it often. No matter what I try we end up having sex once or twice a month.

With that, plus all of my fantasies that I've not fulfilled, sometimes I feel pulled in different directions. There is so much sexually that I've not experienced that I crave to... Everyday I dream about threesomes or orgies, or meeting a stranger and having a morning full of passionate fucking... I fantasize about so many things.

My girlfriend knows how much I need sex, but she cannot fulfill it at this time. She won't even kiss or touch me when I masturbate. When I do masturbate I end up feeling sad and rejected rather than relieved.

I want to be with her, I do love her, but sometimes I wish I would have met her later in life. She would never be open to an open relationship or bringing in anyone for one night. I don't know what to do. Please help.

 

[Etoile]

In all seriousness: get a vibrator. Preferably a Hitachi Magic Wand, they are simply amazing. Although others might say "don't sacrifice your sex life for anyone," my experience is that being with someone you love is SO much more important than little ol' sex. Masturbate when she's not there, that's what I do - my wife isn't usually interested in sex either. (Then again, my own drive has been declining of late, probably because I'm busy with school.) I am really sorry to hear she won't kiss or touch you while you masturbate. I do think a vibrator might make this easier because you're not openly touching your pussy while you're using it. If she has abuse issues, the vibrator might be "detached" enough that she could handle it.

Don't let her make you feel guilty, but don't give up on a wonderful relationship because of sexual incompatibility. Actually many couples experience this, so you are not alone, either.

 

[bi_asian_guy]

*****

 

[none2_none2]

bi-asian-guy mentioned something important -- asking how she sees you two together. I had a relationship for two years about 10 years ago. I was so sure this person was my soulmate that I would have bet every thing I owned on it...

"I" thought the relationship was wonderful except for the sex. I blamed the sex issues on his near-virginity state as well as my high sex drive. I'm not discounting that now, but the fact is two years into the relationship he told me he had never been in love with me. (It was a big shock as he had used the "L" terms all along...)


Anyway, my point isn't to go into my sad story, but to mention that I now wonder if some of the poor sex was due to the fact that he really wasn't THAT interested in sex with me. When you say she doesn't even want to kiss you while masturbating, that bothered me. Kissing isn't that labor intensive -- unless she has a broken neck in a cast. Now if you were both guys, and he didn't want to masturbate you, I could understand -- some guys can take HOURS to get off. That would wear your hand out. Kissing takes very little effort. The only draw back to kissing is if there is an issue with halitosis (bad breath).

I'm not trying to sow seeds of doubt in your relationship, but you definitely need to talk -- maybe even see counseling. Emotional compatibility isn't identical to sexual compatibility. Still, kissing is to me emotional, so I don't get why the hesitation to kiss you while YOU do all the work to get yourself off.