Rejection?????

[mjl2010]

Well not for me anyway.

My first story, Wife Christina, has posted to the New Stories Area.

It's a young couple and their wedding night together. The story is from his point of view and tells how they met, came to be married and now share their wedding night. Christina is of course, the lovely young virgin bride. Innocent but willing with her new husband.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=294871

I'd appreciate votes and comments, here and on the story.

Constructive criticism beyond the one anonymous comment saying - "Love the white panties, do more with white panties." would be appreciated. Grammer, plot, pace, all that. Be nice though.

If it's not your type of story try to do like I do and judge the content, not the story. Many thanks and I'm having a ball here on Lit these last two weeks.

MJL

 

[Vermilion]

Done
x
V

 

[mjl2010]

Done
x
V

Thanks V . Saw your's in the New section too. I like Diary stuff.

Was that a contest submission?

MJL

 

[Vermilion]

t'was indeed. Did you read/like/vote/comment?
I'm working on a voyeur/exhibitionist one atm...
x
V

 

[Vermilion]

t'was indeed. Did you read/like/vote/comment?
I'm working on a voyeur/exhibitionist one atm...
x
V

Scrap that. Just seen your vote and comment
Could I have improved it at all?
x
V

 

[mjl2010]

Scrap that. Just seen your vote and comment
Could I have improved it at all?
x
V

I'm not sure. I just read it for the fourth time and caught stuff I missed the first three times. I think you achieved what you set out to achieve, to express the feelings of the woman as she went through the experience and how she felt after. It left me hoping that she and Marie got together, fell in love and lived happily ever after. Unusual for me. I guess I even felt her sadness that Marie was gone when she woke up.

Nice V.

MJL

 

[Vermilion]

Does that mean you wish you'd given me a 5 now?


I'm glad you got the emotion of it though, I was worried it would seema bit ... tacked on as an afterthought, even though I had that idea in my head all through the writing.

I wonder if I should do a sequel... I reckon she and Marie would make a good couple... I wanted to do some BDSM lesbian stuff*... perhaps they could get kinky together?
x
V


*mainly to see which category it should go in...

 

[mjl2010]

Does that mean you wish you'd given me a 5 now?


I'm glad you got the emotion of it though, I was worried it would seema bit ... tacked on as an afterthought, even though I had that idea in my head all through the writing.

I wonder if I should do a sequel... I reckon she and Marie would make a good couple... I wanted to do some BDSM lesbian stuff*... perhaps they could get kinky together?
x
V


*mainly to see which category it should go in...

I'd like to see a continuation anyway. Do they get together or freak out and go their separate ways? Mistress/slave just doesn't do it for me. I'm not big on Lesbian either. But the diary thing and it definitely was a tender moment that erupted in passion. That got me and kept me reading.

Myself I know I need dialogue help. Even my biggest fan reluctantly told me that. I think it's like sex. Practice makes better. Lots of practice makes a lot better. I hope.

I'm seeing why so many ask for votes and comment. 220 views. 2 comments and 19 votes. At least no one flamed me yet and I got one of those pretty red H's next to mine.

MJL

 

[Vermilion]

I'd like to see a continuation anyway. Do they get together or freak out and go their separate ways? Mistress/slave just doesn't do it for me. I'm not big on Lesbian either. But the diary thing and it definitely was a tender moment that erupted in passion. That got me and kept me reading.

Myself I know I need dialogue help. Even my biggest fan reluctantly told me that. I think it's like sex. Practice makes better. Lots of practice makes a lot better. I hope.

I'm seeing why so many ask for votes and comment. 220 views. 2 comments and 19 votes. At least no one flamed me yet and I got one of those pretty red H's next to mine.

MJL

Well done. It's exciting when you get a red 'H'
I wish I had more, but some categories just don't seem to attract the numbers of votes...

I wasn't thinking Mistress/slave, btw, I was thinking of a little reciprocal bondage, spanking etc... I'm not sure I could do justice to a full-on mistress/slave type relationship as I don't find it much of a turn on personally... I'm more into very kinky relationship sex... if you get the difference?
x
V

 

[mjl2010]

Well done. It's exciting when you get a red 'H'
I wish I had more, but some categories just don't seem to attract the numbers of votes...

I wasn't thinking Mistress/slave, btw, I was thinking of a little reciprocal bondage, spanking etc... I'm not sure I could do justice to a full-on mistress/slave type relationship as I don't find it much of a turn on personally... I'm more into very kinky relationship sex... if you get the difference?
x
V

Sure I get it. Kinky stuff is fun. Do kinky then. I'll always read kinky. Just when I see BDSM the first thing I think is Master/slave, D/s, Mistress/slave. Kinky is different from BDSM I think. Of course on that board, BDSM is what you want it to be. <big sigh>

Just saw the vote counter go up two and rating drop to 4.48. The views stayed the same. How the hell could that happen?

Anyway. Hope your other stories post soon. I have to go do some work today.

 

[Vermilion]

Okies. Most of our threads are turning into conversations between just us two
x
V

 

[mjl2010]

Okies. Most of our threads are turning into conversations between just us two
x
V

Um, ok. I think half the site has me on ignore already. Maybe I'm pushing too much or something. Don't mean to be.

<fades quietly into the background noise.>

 

[starrkers]

I'm seeing why so many ask for votes and comment. 220 views. 2 comments and 19 votes. At least no one flamed me yet and I got one of those pretty red H's next to mine.

MJL

I've got one story with over 13500 views and 3 comments. And one that hovers just above or below the H line.
Haven't read yours yet. Been giving myself a headache on the Transportation challenge threads.
Will go read now.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Does that mean you wish you'd given me a 5 now?


I'm glad you got the emotion of it though, I was worried it would seema bit ... tacked on as an afterthought, even though I had that idea in my head all through the writing.

I wonder if I should do a sequel... I reckon she and Marie would make a good couple... I wanted to do some BDSM lesbian stuff*... perhaps they could get kinky together?

What I got out of that story was that the Marie had desired - been quite badly in love with - the voice character for some time; and what I thought was particularly sweet and effective was how you portrayed how surprised your voice character was to find herself responding sexually to another woman. I've (obviously) never been there, but that sounded utterly convincing. There's a moment - damn, I'll need to read again and find it... yes:

I've just started crying again. I feel unsure of myself - does this mean I'm gay? I don't know if I want that life for myself and now Marie isn't here it feels so abstract and scary.

which I found extraordinarily real and touching.

I'm not saying don't take this couple into BDSM, but if/as you do take them there, if you can maintain that sense of innocent and wondering discovery I think you'll have something quite special and poignant.

 

[Vermilion]

Thanks Simon. That was exactly the back story I had in mind when I started writing the scene. It's something I've come across before that, whilst one might be sexually attracted, the lifestyle and all that that means seems too much to deal with so people stick with what's not working because it's safer. I just wanted to explore the moment when she overcomes her own reservations and I want the reader to wonder whether she is actually gay, or if it's just something that she shares with Marie.

I'm not sure whether I would sequel it... think I'd have to wait and see if I could do it justice

I'm quite proud of it myself, I found it difficult to keep the balance between a diary style entry and a narrative that could be read smoothly and wasn't so colloquial that it jarred. I like setting myself challenges
S'why I liked the 500 word comp and survivor. They force you to push yourself

x
V

 

[SimonBrooke]

Thanks Simon. That was exactly the back story I had in mind when I started writing the scene. It's something I've come across before that, whilst one might be sexually attracted, the lifestyle and all that that means seems too much to deal with so people stick with what's not working because it's safer. I just wanted to explore the moment when she overcomes her own reservations and I want the reader to wonder whether she is actually gay, or if it's just something that she shares with Marie.

H'mmmm... I think homosexuality - as a distinct category, a thing apart - is actually a Victorian invention. I don't think we're either 'gay' or 'straight', except that we're socially conditioned into being one or the other. Personally I'm very strongly conditioned to be 'straight'; but 90% of sex has nothing to do with genitals, and even for the 10% that is there's nothing inherently disgusting about the genitals of one's own gender.

But reality is also, of course, socially conditioned, so if your voice character really believes that homosexuality is real, if she believes that making love with her female friend will taint her with homosexuality forever, then that is true in her reality.

It's also sad.

In pre-Christian Europe it was certainly pretty normal for people to have same-gender sex. Whether there were people who never had same gender sex and other people who always had same gender sex I simply don't know, but I do know (and if you're studying art history, you do know), that being what we would now call 'bi' was once pretty much normal.

 

[Vermilion]

In pre-Christian Europe it was certainly pretty normal for people to have same-gender sex. Whether there were people who never had same gender sex and other people who always had same gender sex I simply don't know, but I do know (and if you're studying art history, you do know), that being what we would now call 'bi' was once pretty much normal.

Indeed. You just have to look at ancient Greece for that. Women were for procreation, but love could only be experienced between two men was roughly the opinion I believe.

Of course this leads onto the question of monogamy, which is always a tricky one

Anyway... back to the art history. just over 4 months and I'll be free of it - free to write all summer. yay!
x
V