Rejected story

MsLinnet

Far Past Worrying
Joined
Nov 27, 2001
Posts
1,870
Ok I wrote this in a bit of a hurry, and it was rejected understandable.
But if anyone has any ideas to resolve its problems please let me know.
The story is posted as written and rejected.

the reason for rejection is as follows

Please punctuate and break up your dialogue. The convention is one speaker per paragraph, so whenever someone new says something, just add a paragraph. The essay "How to Make Characters Talk" in our Writer's Resources section has more information on the paragraph formatting and punctuation of dialogue.


Dedicated to Rob and Carol © Linnet Turns 18/08/2005

The names in this story except mine have been changed to protect the
anonymity of those involved.

I know Carol and Rob had been planning this in the back of there minds, for
sometime, keeping the desire hidden from others, and at time from there
selves, imaging how it would be, what Carol's desires were and how to make
it happen. Well it happen yesterday, in Kings Lynn, even I was overwhelmed
by the heat from the encounter. It was nothing like I dreamed it to be the
desire was so intense, and the feeling were so warm and tingly, it was a dream come true and I know Carol's dreams did, From this point on will tell the story from Carol's point of view, I think it will work better that way.

I'm a 3? yr old female, Married for some years, I have children, and both
Rob and I work, I have been loyal to Rob but over the years had often
thought of having an affair, I think it is the idea of having some women, or
some other man, but with only one person at a time and that was the way it
was in my mind I never thought of a threesome in my wildest dreams, It was
only when Rob and I finally spoke on the idea that my body truly gave away
my true feelings and I think to be honest I have had this hidden desire to
have a threesome, to fulfil my desires, my lust to experience the forbidden
fruit without harming my relationship with Rob. I wanted to set my demons
free once and for all and with Rob's help our sex life would no longer be
mundane.

Rob has his computer set up in his study well that's what we call it, it is
really a rumpus room with some books and old toys from when the kids where
growing up the old settee was in there and a TV, it was a comfortable place
and with the door shut very private.

Anyway here's the story let's go back to a few months ago, Rob had been
away all weekend driving our sons and there friends around the country doing
on an extreme camping expedition. It was to raise money for charity but I
wont say which as it is not important for this story, he arrived back late
Sunday night feeling quite tired, I had not slept much while he and the
boys where away, worrying about them like only a mother dose so after
kissing the boys and hugging Rob we just both settled in our bed and slept.

The boys were off to there friends house the following evening to spend the
night leaving me and Rob to our own devices it was different as we were both
recovered from the weekend enough to have a really nice long explosive fuck
that left us both feeling relaxed and at peace with the world.

Rob got up early on Tuesday morning and went off to make a cup of tea I
hoped but when he didn't come back I went looking for him as I wanted a
rerun of last nights activities, I found him in the study looking on
LitE.com as I walked in I could see he was aroused by something and walked
around the desk to see what it was and it was a link to what appeared to be
a rather sexy and out spoken woman by the name of Linnet Turns I reached
over and clicked the link to her Homepage and started reading her stories
Rob I think had already been there and soon started to read a tale about
Linnet and her first time with a dog a dog called Saxon.

As Rob read the story I could see he was getting very hard and I must admit
to imagining myself on all fours being mounted by a large dog and the idea
of Saxon pumping this woman full of cum turned me on as well, I looked at
Rob, I knew with just a couple of hard furious strokes on his cock he would
cum as the way the story was written its almost like being there , anyway I
just stood there naked , I was so hot by the time Rob finished the story I
went over to him and we kissed good morning and he let his hand drop from my
waist to my cunt and felt the dampness from last nights session and because
he had been hard just a few minutes earlier reading the stories his cock
once again sprang to life then just said. "Can I fuck you?"

I just replied "That sound great come back to the bedroom and fuck my cunt
till it hurts." Rob did not need telling twice, firstly he tasted my
wonderful aroma between my legs made up of both his and my cum from last
nights session and by the time he had taken his fill he was rock hard and
just had to fuck me, there was no foreplay he just stuck his cock inside and
fucked me hard as I whispered in his ear to cum in my deep cunt fill me with
your seed and he did, it was very explosive and made my legs feel like
jelly.

After he shot his load into me we started fucking in a slow and sensual way
and sharing our fantasies and I just said as I was reaching yet another
orgasm "what do you think it will feel like to have another guy fucking my
arse while you are fucking my cunt?" It was strange because as soon as I
said that I became so wet I orgasmed again something that had never happened
before as my cunt convulsed and pulled at Rob's prick I felt his seed leave
him and enter me like a freight train entering a tunnel, the feeling was
amazing for me, my juices were literally dripping
on the bed sheets,

After so many years of safe predictable normal sex I just thought "fuck it"
we have to go for this as their is obviously a side to my life that I have
hidden from view up to now, and although I have been loyal and committed
partner my body didn't lie, my wetness convinced me there was a delicious
hidden side kept under wraps for so many years and it was now time to
uncover it.

From that night on it has been amazing as we have continued our role play
fantasy during sex and we literally now fuck for hours suggesting that Rob
is not my husband and he is a total stranger I have picked up for our
entertainment , and he stays hard inside me while I talk about scenarios we
would like to happen and I have noticed My orgasms are deeper and harder
they last longer than I have ever known, and I have also learnt during my
orgasmic pleasures that the fantasy has to become a reality soon.

I knew what it was like to be fucked in the arse and Rob always made me
enjoy it so why would I want another man to alter the experience for me Rob
was such a caring lover why would I want to change that, I decided that it
was to be another women first, this set my mind to Linnet, I wondered if she
would show me the ways of lesbian sex, I emailed her from the link on Lit E.
com and waited for a response I left the computer on all day thinking she
would drop everything and come to my rescue, but I waited in vain it was
almost a week later that quite by chance I checked the junk mail folder and
there it was a reply to my email telling me that if Rob and I were to start
swinging make sure it was what we both wanted and general advise about do's
and don'ts nothing to heavy just sensible things like say no if it is not
what you want and to watch others in the club see how they are with others
before you allow anyone near your body.

Right at the bottom of the email in a post script she said that she did not
arrange to meet any one but that she would be staying at the Stuart House
Hotel in Kings Lynn in the first week in August and if Rob and I were to pop
in for dinner one evening she would be sat on her own, and enjoy some
company over dinner.

As soon as Rob came home I showed him the email and asked him if we could go
he started to ask allsorts of silly questions like what about the boys and
work but none of this meant anything in the moment I was so hot I got to my
knees almost begging him to let us go, finally he said yes and I picked up
the phone and booked us in for the Thursday night till the Saturday

I so wanted to love and lick and be licked by another women, an amazing
revelation after knowing only one man for so long , Rob said "So Pandora's
box is now open and will we ever shut it?" I got off the phone and ran
across the kitchen and flung my self at my lovely husband I started to kiss
him smothering his lips with mine he pushed me against the wall and my arms
went for his trousers, once undone I lifted my legs up around his waist and
lowered myself down onto his hard prick. This was not the way we normally
had sex but Rob pushed my already wet knickers aside and held me against the
wall as I slid down the length of his cock and he fucked me against the wall
just like you see in a porn film, and what a lovely experience it was.

The week came and we had made arrangements for the boys to stay at a friends
house until the Sunday and Rob and I jumped in our car and set off for the
two hour journey to the hotel, it was not hard to find and as we pulled up I
could not get over the slender of the place, we booked in and where directed
to our room there was a connecting door but I checked it was locked and the
key was on our side of the door. My head was buzzing as I finally opened our
suitcase hanging the dress that I was going to wear that evening out on the
bed, and I looked around to see Rob looking at me smiling at the thought of
what was going to happen that evening.

For that afternoon I was at Rob's disposal, and his mercy. Fear of what
would happen later was the furthest thing from my mind, and now, as he
pushed me back onto the bed next to my dress he lay on top of me nibbling at
my neck, I bit my lip to keep from squealing with pleasure. He wanted my
body out of the restraints of the clothes I was wearing, so Rob began
tugging slowly at my clothes until they were off and thrown on the floor. My
excitement grew tenfold as I realized that I was really incapable of freeing
myself and his will was her pleasure. Rob worked his way to my breasts, and
as he sucked a nipple into his mouth I nearly stopped breathing. I could
feel myself moaning again, more than I could hear it, and I turned my head
against the bed sheets. As my body moved helplessly beneath him, and as he
continued to toy with my now aching nipple,

I was already in a state of bliss. I arched my back in a vain attempt to
elicit more pressure from Rob's mouth. As his prick entered my body I almost
begged him to bite down hard on my nipples, just enough to make it hurt a
little bit. I don't know if it was the anticipation of the night's events or
the pleasure Rob was now giving my body but my body shook with its first
orgasm of the day as Rob worked on my pussy in a slow methodical manner. My
hips were rocking slowly toward him, and on their own. I was lost in my
thoughts of Linnet, of how tonight was to be so perfect, of how I was going
to enjoy it. But he broke my train of thought when two fingers of his hand
pushed inside my arse. I could feel my muscles tensing around them, and
realized that for him to slide them in so quickly could only mean I was so
wet that I had lubricated my own arse with my sexual juices my legs pulled
up around his back locking my ankles around his back.

He then went to work, moving his fingers in and out of my arse in time with
my thrusts towards his prick now I could hear the noises emanating from my
wet opening, and wondered if he was trying to make me change my mind about
tonight but I had little time to think about it, since he pulled his sopping
prick out of my pussy and pushed it into my mouth. I sucked it slowly,
smelling my own scent on his length, tasting myself on his prick. I cleaned
his prick well, and licked him until he pulled away. Turning me over, he
slid his prick down my back until it was pushing it against my anus then
with a tender push opened me up and sank into me releasing his seed deep
into my arse.

We lay there for what seemed like hours then the phone rang I reached over
and the receptionist told me that it was 5:30 as per you instructions to
give you a wake up call, I thanked her and put the phone down telling Andy
how clever he was to set an alarm call, I got off the bed and walked over to
the bathroom turning on the shower, it was not long before Andy was in there
with me helping me clean myself he was hard again within seconds and to
keep him from coming in his trousers later I got to my knees and blew him
off until his seed disappeared down my throat then left him in the shower
while I got myself ready.

We walked down to the bar and ordered a drink I felt like a school girl
going to her first prom I couldn't help myself it was after about half an
hour later that a waiter came up to us and told us that we had been invited
to be Ms Turns guest for dinner and showed us into the restaurant, sat on
her own was the woman of my dreams I never felt so nervous but as we got to
the table linnet got up and greeted Andy as if they were old friends and
then kissed me on both cheeks asking us to join her.

We sat down not knowing what to do or say we had never been in such a
situation but we had some drinks and ordered our meals and started chatting
as if we had known each other for years. We talked about everything how she
had always wanted kids but had never been able to carry to term I showed her
my pictures of my boys and she commented how handsome they were and as yet
another bottle of wine flowed the subject turned to sex and what I was
expecting out of the meeting.

I asked her how sexually active she was and she said she has had a couple
people in tow at the moment at home but she was clean and if I wanted to be
sure she had her last two aids test results I apologised but told her that I
had not been with anyone else but Andy and I was not sure what to ask about
such thing.

Linnet was ok with my questions and I knew we were getting somewhere. She
eventually told me she had just had her first threesome years ago. I asked
her if she enjoyed it and she told me there was nothing better than being
with a girl.

Then just as if I was still daydreaming she leaned over and kissed me. I was
lost in her kiss I got tingles all over my body forgetting totally that we
were in the middle of a restaurant. I wanted her and I wanted her there and
then we all got up to leave and Andy gestured to pay the bill but linnet
wouldn't have any of it and told the waiter to put the bill on her room.

We got to our room and then she told us that the connecting door leads to her
room and if I wanted to join her just undo the door and walk through it. She
then left Andy and I at our door and went into the room beside ours I looked
at Andy and we went into our room not saying a word we both sat on the bed
looking at the door I got up and walked over to it turning the key in the
door and walked through it pulling it closed behind me Linnet was there
standing in the centre of the room, I pulled her closer and started rubbing
up and down her back. She was moaning with contentment under her breath as
we kissed. I started felling her breast through her shirt as we continued to
kiss. They were better than I thought they were going to be. I start
squeezing them harder and she reached around and unclipped the clip that
held the top of my dress up. I wasn't wearing a bra and nor was linnet so
Linnet started kissing down my neck. I was getting wetter than I ever had
before.

She kissed till she got above my left nipple and gently ran her tongue over
it. This sent shivers through my body. She decided it was time to move to
the other nipple so she kissed her was across my chest and pulled it hard
into her mouth. I was moaning and so horny I release one hand off her breast
as I was still rubbing the other through the shirt and began to massage my
pussy through my dress. I was so into it. She sensed this and took off her
shirt.

I got up pushed her back so she was lying on the couch and kissed her. Then
I kissed each ear, working my way to her breasts as she is moaning so hard
telling me to suck on them. I go to her right nipple and lightly flick it.
Then I kiss down her stomach to her belly button and then back up. I suck
her breast hard while I grind my pussy in to her leg and she does the same
to me. I go up and start kissing around her neck she grabs the back off my
head and pulls me in for a kiss. As we kiss she starts moaning harder and I
decided that I better take this to the bedroom before it goes any further so
I get off of her.

She gives me a sad face thinking that I am going to end this. No way not
without eating that tight little pussy. So we walk into the room and take of
our pants. I see her standing there in a thong. Flat stomach nice shaped
breasts. She asked me why I am staring at her and I just can not tell a lie.
I say you are so sexy and beautiful I am dying to run everything that I have
all over you.

I walk forward and she pulls my arm and says that I also am very sexy and
slips her finger on top of my panties and starts rubbing me. I feel my knees
getting weaker as I feel onto the bed. Ummm she says so wet just the way I
like it. Is the because of me she asked. I say yes with a strain in my
voice.

Well then I better help you take care of that. She kisses me and works her
way down my body stopping at my breasts to suck them in she fondles them
still with her hand as she continues to go down. I felt her breath just
above my panty line. She then starts kissing my inner leg, back and forth
between the two.

I was going to go crazy. She stops and puts her face right on my pussy and
teases me with her mouth through my panties. God it fells good. Then she
stops for a moment to remove my panties. She tells me my pussy smells sweet
and wants to know if she can taste it. Some how, I mumbled out the word. "Yes." Then she licked around my lips a few times. One hand came up to fondle my breast. I
wanted her to lick my clit and all she was doing was teasing me. Around my
lips she was going the, there it was she lick the inside up then down. She
then stopped and told me to tell her I want her to eat my pussy. I said to
her Linnet please eat my pussy, lick my lips, suck my clit and make me cum
on your pretty face. She did not need any more.

She started to lick my clit. I t was awesome I knew I was going to cum any
minute. Then there it was I felt it building it was right there. I was
cumming god it was good. I thought she was going to stop but she did not. I
grabbed her leg and flipped her around I need to eat her pussy right now. I
pulled her on top pf me and slid her little panties to the side. I found
underneath the cutest tightest little clit. I lick her lips and she moaned
on my cunt I started eating and she could not take it. She fell but did not
cum. so I flipped her onto her back and gave her a deep kiss. I then went
straight for her pussy I started licking and I just could not stop I was
going to make her cum and more then once at that. So I started licking on
her hard clit over and over. Then a silence fell into the room as she
started o cum. Then she started screaming my name... Then “Oooooooooohhhhhhh Sue I am cumming don't stop!!!” and I didn't. She came four more times.

Once recovered she went to the dresser and pulled out a strap on, I did not know what
to say but I knew the rest of this night was going to be fun.

Linnet was an expert with a strap on taking each of my orifices from every angle I was in heaven, being the first time with a woman I enjoyed the softness of her skin and the contrast with the hardness of the dildo she was impaling me with. After several hours we must have fell asleep as I awoke the next morning with linnet one side of me and Rob the other, I didn’t want to move but my bladder told me that if I didn’t make a dash to the bathroom there was going to be a hell of a mess on the bed.

After my visit to the bathroom I realised how hot I was and my pussy seemed to have a mind for some more action, as my hand drifted down towards my slit I began to feel the warmth inside me yearning for pleasuring, with linnet and Rob still asleep I slipped back into the centre of the bed by way of the bottom of the bed. As I made my way between my lovers I could not help myself Rob’s cock was semi hard as per normal in the mornings, but the strap on that Linnet had used on me last night was solid and still in place and as I licked the end of it I could still taste my sexual sent on it, so as my mouth slipped down its length the full flavour of my sex all over it. I worked my way up linnets body putting my tongue into her navel her body quivered as I did this so I knew she was awake but she didn’t make any indication other than her body’s involuntary responses. I got to her breast and bit on them in turn gently and this got more of a response, her hand came around my head and pulled it tight against her breasts they smelt of sex and lust , with her free hand I could feel her manoeuvring the dildo towards my pussy and with a wriggle of my arse it was in position for entry and with us rolling together it was in and I was on top of linnet imbedded on her toy of pleasure.

As I moved up and down on the shaft I noticed Rob moving and it was soon that I felt his hands on my body I continued to hump the hard shaft that was pointing out of Linnets groin enjoying the moment. Then Rob came up from behind and started rubbing my clit and crack with his hand reaching around my body, I was so hot, I leaned back on the dildo and started fucking it up and down harder while Robs fingers got me hotter, as I moved around on the toy he licked my arse and soon we all had a rhythm going, I was in heaven I started to pull on my nipples just like I had seen in porno moves I stretched them pinching them making me hotter. Rob moved in close and I felt the length of his prick looking for a home, so bending forward I allowed him access to my arse it was tight at first as it had no lubrication but once in I enjoyed the mixture of pleasurable pain as we humped each other until I was screaming with desire, them Rob let his seed spew from his body into my arse I orgasmed as he pulled out of me. Linnet and I continued our lustful sex and Rob decided that his prick needed another home so he worked his way around us till he had his prick in line with my mouth and greedily I took it in and sucked on his lent till I had his seed in my mouth then I moved forward and passed linnet some of his seed to her mouth as our tongues entwined enjoying the moment.

I could not stand any more pleasuring my body was all tingly and each time Rob tried to touch me I would go off into a world of orgasm, exhausted I fell to Linnets side and she withdrew the hard shaft from me kissing me as she did.

She and Rob left me on the bed and disappeared into the bathroom I heard the shower running and then I awoke, they were both dressed. Rob was saying that it was time for lunch and I had better have a shower before we went for lunch. Then I herd linnet say “You need to keep your energy up Carol if you want more.” Smiling as she said it. But that’s another story, I hope.
 
I don't see the dialogue problem in a quick scan, but there are several grammar errors throughout the story.

I know Carol and Rob had been planning this in the back of there minds,

Should be "their". Homonyms are one of the notorious things that spell/grammar checkers miss.

for sometime,

Should be "some time"

keeping the desire hidden from others, and at time from there selves, imaging how it would be, what Carol's desires were and how to make it happen.

Should be "times" and "themselves"

The sentences are also a little complicated. Once you have more than two or three commas in a sentence, start questioning whether parts should have their own sentence.

My guess is that you wrote this in the heat of the moment, letting the words spill out on the page. My first suggestion would be to let the story sit for a couple of days, perhaps writing on the next one to help clear this one out of your head.

Then, go back and read the story "cold". It's a good idea to change the font size/face as well, because this will sometimes cause errors to jump out at you. Reading aloud can also cause some odd phrasing to jump out at you.

After you've gone through the story again, try to find someone to give it a second look. No matter how many times you read it, you know what it's supposed to say, and often your eyes will read that instead of what's on the page.

You could recruit an online friend, or someone might offer to do so here in the thread. You could also post a request in the volunteer editor forum. There are quite a few quirks in there that need tending to before you submit the story again.
 
Point taken

all valid points thank you, i have started a re write i have split it up into thre parts and the first two are done i was goin to post them but not sure if too
 
Hello,

I must admit I didn't read this very closely. The paragraphs were quite long and it intimidated me as a reader.

That said, I concur with Darkniciad's observations, especially about the structure of your sentences. Here's an example:

We got to our room and then she told us that the connecting door leads to her room and if I wanted to join her just undo the door and walk through it. She
then left Andy and I in the corridor and went into the room beside ours I looked
at Andy and we went into our room not saying a word we both sat on the bed
looking at the door I got up and walked over to it turning the key in the
door and walked through it pulling it closed behind me Linnet was there
standing in the centre of the room, I pulled her closer and started rubbing up and down her back. She was moaning with contentment under her breath as
we kissed. I started felling her breast through her shirt as we continued to
kiss. They were better than I thought they were going to be. I start
squeezing them harder and she reached around and unclipped the clip that
held the top of my dress up. I wasn't wearing a bra and nor was linnet so
Linnet started kissing down my neck. I was getting wetter than I ever had
before.

Here's one way I might have punctuated it:

We arrived at our room and Linnet told us that the connecting door led to hers; if I wanted to join her all I needed to do was unlock the door and walk through it. She then left Andy and I in the corridor as she went into the room beside ours.

I looked at Andy and we entered our own room in silence. Once inside, we both sat on the bed staring at the door adjoining Linnet's. After a few minutes I got up and walked over to it, turning the key in the lock. I walked through, pulling the door closed behind me.

Linnet was standing there in the centre of the room. I pulled her close and started rubbing
up and down her back. She moaned with contentment under her breath as we kissed, and I reached up to feel her breast through her shirt. They were better than I thought they were going to be. [<--in what way?]

As I squeezed Linnet's breasts harder, she reached around and unfastened the clip that held up the top of my dress. I wasn't wearing a bra and neither was she. Linnet started kissing down my neck and I grew wetter than I ever had before.

***

I also noticed that you sometimes switch into present tense even though most of your story is told in past tense; you'll want to watch that.

Once you rework your story, I strongly recommend that you ask someone to edit it for you. I just submitted my first work and got help from one of the Volunteer Editors on the site. I thought at the time that my story was pretty serviceable as is, but much to my delight my editor provided input that only improved its flow. After that experience, I know I'll never try to submit something without having it edited first.

Hope this helps, and good luck with your story. :)
 
Hello,

I must admit I didn't read this very closely. The paragraphs were quite long and it intimidated me as a reader.

That said, I concur with Darkniciad's observations, especially about the structure of your sentences. Here's an example:



Here's one way I might have punctuated it:

We arrived at our room and Linnet told us that the connecting door led to hers; if I wanted to join her all I needed to do was unlock the door and walk through it. She then left Andy and I in the corridor as she went into the room beside ours.

I looked at Andy and we entered our own room in silence. Once inside, we both sat on the bed staring at the door adjoining Linnet's. After a few minutes I got up and walked over to it, turning the key in the lock. I walked through, pulling the door closed behind me.

Linnet was standing there in the centre of the room. I pulled her close and started rubbing
up and down her back. She moaned with contentment under her breath as we kissed, and I reached up to feel her breast through her shirt. They were better than I thought they were going to be. [<--in what way?]

As I squeezed Linnet's breasts harder, she reached around and unfastened the clip that held up the top of my dress. I wasn't wearing a bra and neither was she. Linnet started kissing down my neck and I grew wetter than I ever had before.

***

I also noticed that you sometimes switch into present tense even though most of your story is told in past tense; you'll want to watch that.

Once you rework your story, I strongly recommend that you ask someone to edit it for you. I just submitted my first work and got help from one of the Volunteer Editors on the site. I thought at the time that my story was pretty serviceable as is, but much to my delight my editor provided input that only improved its flow. After that experience, I know I'll never try to submit something without having it edited first.

Hope this helps, and good luck with your story. :)
thanks for poitin somthing out even if you didnt mean to andy is not suposed to be there my bad i am re writing as for vol eds not had much luck with then in he past but thanks
 
I Enjoy Your Writing

Hello Linnet I like your stories..sent you a PM...Bad Boy Bill
 
On paper or in a book, long paragraphs are fine but for screen reading limit the length of paragraphs to 6 or 8 sentences max. More than that and the eyes tire quickly and it makes reading hard to read.

Format your page in Word for 1.25 margins on all four sides. this will give you about the same read area as Lit uses. Also remember, about six Word pages makes a Lit page.

Some of those last paragraphs look terrible long.

I hope this helps
 
It is a good idea to compose what you write using Microsoft Word. It tags errors of spelling and grammar. When I copied and pasted your story to Microsoft Word I detected 8 misspelled words, and 12 errors of grammar. Microsoft Word also tells you how many words you have used.

After using Microsoft Word, you can copy and paste what you have written to where you want to post it. To copy, highlight what you have written, and push Ctrl and C. To paste it, click where you want to put it, and push Ctrl and V.
 
Also, you might want to think about toning up the formality of your prose.

Most people have the opposite problem, especially where dialogue is concerned; a lot of writers come out of the business world or academia, where they've been bludgeoned by the rules of formal English and are now locked into them. Then they create dialogue like, "Though uncertain of the facts, I believe that he was right, as evidenced by his predicted outcome having come true." Perfect rules; dead speech.

MsLinnet, your problem is the opposite: you've been raised in the Information Age, where abbreviations and speed-typing are the order of the day. Look at your most recent post: misspellings, completely lowercase, no punctuation whatsoever. And, like the corporate dullbobs from the previous paragraph, you're locked into your style too. You should work to break out of it. Oh, to be certain, you try, but the results aren't very convincing. You've been writing sloppily for so long that you don't remember how to write neatly anymore. :(

Now, it's somewhat prejudicial to assume that, if someone does not follow the rules of formal prose, they're also a bad storyteller; that's blatant stereotyping. But it's a stereotype because, to a certain extent, it's completely true: once a writer passes a certain threshold of sloppiness, they might as well be a bad storyteller, because whatever story they are telling has gotten buried under an avalanche of carelessness. Not to mention that, if you aren't taking the story seriously enough to observe the minor rules--spelling, grammar, punctuation--how do we know you'll observe the important rules?, like solid & non-selfcontradictory characterization, or the laws of Chekhov's Gun, or following your own continuity. How do we know we can trust you? (Not to mention that a writer's artistry is revealed in how s/he improvises within the rules of English, not outside of them. Unless you're e.e. cummings, but he doesn't count.)

All these things and more flash through the reader's head when they see that you have misspelled "their" as "there". And we have not even finished a sentence yet, much less gotten to the perplexing moment when you decide out loud that you're Carol. :confused:

Remember the words of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe (or, if you'd rather, Laszlo Joska): God is in the details. You'll have to do better than this, Ms. Linnet. ;)
 
CW - thanks for the Checkov's gun thing. I just put one of those in a story, but I had no idea it had a name.

Your post above is what I like about this place. It's like going to writing school, but without having to show up for class and sit in those uncomfortable chairs for hours on end.
 
CW said what I thought but so much better. I cringed at the thought of receiving it to edit as it is right now.

Tx is right about the length of a paragraph. Six to eight lines is perfect.

Each time you have someone speaking it should be in a new paragraph, too.

Microsoft Word does point out many errors but it doesn't catch everything. Finding a good editor is important as well.
 
It is a good idea to compose what you write using Microsoft Word. It tags errors of spelling and grammar. When I copied and pasted your story to Microsoft Word I detected 8 misspelled words, and 12 errors of grammar. Microsoft Word also tells you how many words you have used.

After using Microsoft Word, you can copy and paste what you have written to where you want to post it. To copy, highlight what you have written, and push Ctrl and C. To paste it, click where you want to put it, and push Ctrl and V.


ok there are but it depends on if it is set for english or american. my problem is normaly i put the wrong word in ie there their ect.
 
CW - thanks for the Checkov's gun thing. I just put one of those in a story, but I had no idea it had a name.

Ditto. Checkov's gun shop is probably doing very well on my business alone :p Some of the Checkov's guns in Danica didn't go off for 500k words. Some of the ones I planted in the later chapters of Danica won't go off until the very end of SOTM.

/threadjack
 
Your post above is what I like about this place. It's like going to writing school, but without having to show up for class and sit in those uncomfortable chairs for hours on end.

Well, this might be a totally-self-serving time to admit that I have been posting a series of rants on my blog at StoriesOnline about the various details, nuances and philosophies of storytelling. I don't claim to be anything more than a student of the craft; but, as a student of the craft, I've noticed a few things, and this is the sound of me writing those things down. Maybe you might find some of it useful. :)

(And, yeah, you do need to have a login ID, which is a hassle. But if you're looking for online erotic fiction, you could do far worse than read at SOL.)
 
Well, this might be a totally-self-serving time to admit that I have been posting a series of rants on my blog at StoriesOnline about the various details, nuances and philosophies of storytelling. I don't claim to be anything more than a student of the craft; but, as a student of the craft, I've noticed a few things, and this is the sound of me writing those things down. Maybe you might find some of it useful. :)

(And, yeah, you do need to have a login ID, which is a hassle. But if you're looking for online erotic fiction, you could do far worse than read at SOL.)

I know, we all do, but it is like pissing on the wedding cake to promote a site in competition with lit. It is not considered polite to use lit's resources to advertise competitors.

Elle:rose:
 
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