Rejected story help

[SanityCheck]

I'd like some guidance.

My most recent story was rejected for "underage sex." The thing is, there is no underage sex.

The hero/narrator is 33, so his current age isn't the issue. The only part that can possibly be the issue is excerpted below.

I'd like to resubmit the story as is on appeal because I don't think the passage violates either the letter or the spirit of the rule, but I don't see any point in resubmitting only to have it rejected again for the same reason.

So, I'd like the group opinion on if the passage needs to be changed/removed or if its worth an appeal as is. The passage isn't critical to the story, but to remove it would require some rewriting later in the story because his encounter with the older woman in his youth is called back.

=== Start of Excerpt ===

I'd started mowing Ms. Ceilo's yard, along with five others, when I was fifteen, and I'd noticed then Tina was hotter than shit. In my imagination she was, or had been, a porn star, and was horny all the time. She certainly looked the part with her big tits, shapely ass, and after I turned seventeen, the way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her.

I finally got my chance not long after my eighteenth birthday. I'd given up mowing yards, except for one, to work as a cashier in a local market. Tina's yard adjoined my parent's yard along the back, and that was the excuse I gave my parents for why I was still mowing her yard and no one else's. The real reason was I enjoyed looking at her, and I hoped she'd invite me into her bed, though at the time I suspected I had a better chance to be struck by lightning than that happening.

=== End of Excerpt ===

After the above passage, there is a sex scene, but as stated in the second paragraph, he's eighteen.

I could age him up a year, but if eighteen is legal, how would nineteen make it "better?"

 

[jaF0]

I'd like some guidance.

My most recent story was rejected for "underage sex." The thing is, there is no underage sex.

=== Start of Excerpt ===

and after I turned seventeen, the way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her.

=== End of Excerpt ===

After the above passage, there is a sex scene, but as stated in the second paragraph, he's eighteen.

I could age him up a year, but if eighteen is legal, how would nineteen make it "better?"

 

[KeithD]

" when I was fifteen, and I'd noticed then Tina was hotter than shit. In my imagination she was, or had been, a porn star, and was horny all the time. She certainly looked the part with her big tits, shapely ass, and after I turned seventeen, the way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her."

Voyeurism (given here at 15) is sex. Getting a boner (given here at 17) is sex. The minimum age here for graphic sex is 18. You're going to need to lighten this up a lot or find another Web site to post it to. Just the way it is at Literotica.

 

[SanityCheck]

I don't follow.

He was fifteen when he noticed how sexy she was. Is that a problem also?

 

[jaF0]

Is that a problem also?

The way you describe it, Yes.

 

[SimonDoom]

Your passage VERY OBVIOUSLY violates the site's rules. "Sex" means more than "intercourse." Your passage contains a description of an underage person masturbating to orgasm. It's crystal clear that this violates the site's policy.

The rule is that you can, in a very general way, refer to sex happening underage, such as "I lost my virginity when I was 17." But you can't describe it more specifically than that.

If you wrote "After I turned 17, I used to fantasize about her" you'd be OK. But make sure any more specific descriptions take place only after the character has turned 18.

It may or may not make sense to you, but it's not complicated.

 

[SanityCheck]

" when I was fifteen, and I'd noticed then Tina was hotter than shit. In my imagination she was, or had been, a porn star, and was horny all the time. She certainly looked the part with her big tits, shapely ass, and after I turned seventeen, the way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her."

Voyeurism (given here at 15) is sex. Getting a boner (given here at 17) is sex. The minimum age here for graphic sex is 18. You're going to need to lighten this up a lot or find another Web site to post it to. Just the way it is at Literotica.

I'm not arguing the rules. Just asking for clarification.

So he can't notice a pretty/sexy woman below the age of 18, and he can't fantasize about sex (even with no description) under 18?

 

[jaF0]

So he can't notice a pretty/sexy woman below the age of 18, and he can't fantasize about sex (even with no description) under 18?

Notice yes, but not in graphic detail.

 

[DryLips]

I'd like some guidance.

...after I turned seventeen, the way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her.…

I think your problem is the underage masturbation. Take out the masturbation and your probably fine. Saying that she gave him a boner at seventeen is probably borderline but should pass.

BTW, “come” is a verb, “cum” is the noun for ejaculation.

Good luck!

 

[SanityCheck]

I think your problem is the underage masturbation. Take out the masturbation and your probably fine. Saying that she gave him a boner at seventeen is probably borderline but should pass.

BTW, “come” is a verb, “cum” is the noun for ejaculation.

Good luck!

I'll modify the masturbation and see if it flies.

I'm still not clear why it's okay to say "I lost my virginity at 17" but not "I masturbated at 17," even if the language is a bit more flowery.

Thanks for the input everyone.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not arguing the rules. Just asking for clarification.

So he can't notice a pretty/sexy woman below the age of 18, and he can't fantasize about sex (even with no description) under 18?

My understanding of what you can and cannot do is this:

1. You can have an 18+ year old character remembering when he was under 18 and having sexual experiences, broadly defined, in a very general way. Such as "I had sex when I was 17." or "I fantasized about her."

2. You cannot in any specific way describe or recount sexual experiences for a character under 18. That includes describing masturbation, or details of fantasies, or intercourse, or anything like that.

3. The test is this: is the reader (or, more accurately, some readers) going to get turned on from that passage in the story by the fact that it's an underage character having a sexual experience, broadly defined? If the answer is yes, then you can't do it. If it's a very general description of something that happened that is not titillating in and of itself, then it's probably OK.

4. Your passage clearly does not satisfy the test in number 3. Some readers will be turned on by thinking about a 17 year old doing what you describe. Thus, it's forbidden.

5. The site owner is strict about this, so as you write you need to think about what you are writing in very restrictive terms. If there's any chance that what you are writing could be construed as violating number 3, above, then you should rewrite it and not expect that it will be accepted.

 

[KeithD]

I'm not arguing the rules. Just asking for clarification.

So he can't notice a pretty/sexy woman below the age of 18, and he can't fantasize about sex (even with no description) under 18?

Fantasizing sex is having sex--it's just that you're having it with yourself--so, no, not here at Literotica. Your paragraph is just too graphic at this site for a character who is under 18. Just the way it is. Owner's rules.

 

[eroticstoryspinner]

Your passage VERY OBVIOUSLY violates the site's rules. "Sex" means more than "intercourse." Your passage contains a description of an underage person masturbating to orgasm. It's crystal clear that this violates the site's policy.

The rule is that you can, in a very general way, refer to sex happening underage, such as "I lost my virginity when I was 17." But you can't describe it more specifically than that.

If you wrote "After I turned 17, I used to fantasize about her" you'd be OK. But make sure any more specific descriptions take place only after the character has turned 18.

It may or may not make sense to you, but it's not complicated.

I think Simon and Keith D nailed it. Laurel tends to be very careful about underage sex because the laws regarding it are frankly very vague. In the end it is her site, her rules, and her pocketbook. I would edit it as Simon says.

 

[SanityCheck]

3. The test is this: is the reader (or, more accurately, some readers) going to get turned on from that passage in the story by the fact that it's an underage character having a sexual experience, broadly defined? If the answer is yes, then you can't do it. If it's a very general description of something that happened that is not titillating in and of itself, then it's probably OK.

4. Your passage clearly does not satisfy the test in number 3. Some readers will be turned on by thinking about a 17 year old doing what you describe. Thus, it's forbidden.

I guess some people are more easily aroused than I. It never occurred to me that my one sentence of masturbation was enough to get anyone excited.

 

[NotWise]

I'm not arguing the rules. Just asking for clarification.

So he can't notice a pretty/sexy woman below the age of 18, and he can't fantasize about sex (even with no description) under 18?

Others have given perfectly adequate answers. You're problem passage is just a paragraphs and, with the details removed, it boils down to "I thought Tina was hot." It seems like it shouldn't be much of a problem to write around the issue.

 

[KeithD]

I guess some people are more easily aroused than I. It never occurred to me that my one sentence of masturbation was enough to get anyone excited.

It's common for posters not to realize that voyeurism is a sex act, as well.

And please don't slip into arguing with the other users on what is or isn't underage sex, which is often where these threads go. These are site rules; arguing with the other users about it just raises hackles. The owner (and sole site editor) is Laurel. She doesn't frequent the discussion board and can only be reached via the site's Private Message (PM) system.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

My understanding of what you can and cannot do is this:

1. You can have an 18+ year old character remembering when he was under 18 and having sexual experiences, broadly defined, in a very general way. Such as "I had sex when I was 17." or "I fantasized about her."

2. You cannot in any specific way describe or recount sexual experiences for a character under 18. That includes describing masturbation, or details of fantasies, or intercourse, or anything like that.

3. The test is this: is the reader (or, more accurately, some readers) going to get turned on from that passage in the story by the fact that it's an underage character having a sexual experience, broadly defined? If the answer is yes, then you can't do it. If it's a very general description of something that happened that is not titillating in and of itself, then it's probably OK.

4. Your passage clearly does not satisfy the test in number 3. Some readers will be turned on by thinking about a 17 year old doing what you describe. Thus, it's forbidden.

5. The site owner is strict about this, so as you write you need to think about what you are writing in very restrictive terms. If there's any chance that what you are writing could be construed as violating number 3, above, then you should rewrite it and not expect that it will be accepted.

Fantasizing sex is having sex--it's just that you're having it with yourself--so, no, not here at Literotica. Your paragraph is just too graphic at this site for a character who is under 18. Just the way it is. Owner's rules.

Yup.

This site has a bright-line rule: no underage sex. It’s pretty straight forward. If your underage character details the specific, erotic details of his fifteen and seventeen year old fantasies and sex acts, then you’ve broken the site rule.

Luckily, you said this isn’t a critical scene to your story, so it seems you should be able to rewrite it. You may also want to reach out in the Editor’s Forum before resubmitting; in addition to DryLips’ advice on come versus cum, I saw in a quick read that you have a number of punctuation issues and some dropped conjunctions. A proofreader could likely help you with this. Best of luck!

 

[SynSlave]

Think drylips said it best and that should be the only area that needs to be fixed/chopped.

The scene might be important but

way she looked at me gave me a boner every time, a boner I took into the shower with me to paint the enclosure with come as I dreamed of fucking her.

isn't.

Or like you said just skip a year before you get there. The text before that still gets your point across -- he was infatuated as a teenager. Seems like an easy fix to me.

 

[SanityCheck]

Think drylips said it best and that should be the only area that needs to be fixed/chopped.

The scene might be important but



isn't.

Or like you said just skip a year before you get there. The text before that still gets your point across -- he was infatuated as a teenager. Seems like an easy fix to me.

I've modified the passage to remove any mention of masturbation and removed the detailed description of Tina and just left it as she looked like a porn star. Modified one sentence. Done.

Where I got tripped up was I knew the rules about underage sex (or thought I did) in that you couldn't have any graphic description of underage sex. I didn't think what I wrote was graphic because there was no description of the act, only the mention that there was an act committed.

Live and learn.

 

[SanityCheck]

Now I really don't understand

I want to state I'm not trying to cross the line on underage sex. I'm not even trying to push the line. I'm perfectly willing to stay in rules, but I clearly don't understand the where the line that can't be crossed is located.

I took the group's advice and took a step back from what I originally had. Below is the modified version that I submitted. This version was also rejected.

=== Begin excerpt ===

I'd started mowing Ms. Ceilo's yard, along with five others, when I was fifteen, and I'd noticed then Tina was hotter than shit. In my imagination she was, or had been, a porn star, and was horny all the time. She certainly looked the part, and after I turned seventeen, I often dreamed of her.

I finally got my chance to fuck her not long after my eighteenth birthday. I'd given up mowing yards, except for one, to work as a cashier in a local market. Tina's yard adjoined my parent's property along the back, and that was the excuse I gave my parents for why I was still mowing her yard and no one else's. The real reason was I enjoyed looking at her, and I hoped she'd invite me into her bed, though at the time I suspected I had a better chance to be struck by lightning than that happening.

=== End excerpt ===

The only reason I want something like this in the story at all is two reasons.

1) This was a pivotal moment in the hero's life. Tina is the woman all others have been compared to for the next fifteen years of his life, and there is a call back to this time later in the story when he finds someone that replaces Tina as the standard to which all other women are compared. The call back is by name only with no reference to anything else. Tina was his sexual teacher, and main thrust of the story is 15 years later, the student/hero becomes the teacher. And no, his student isn't underage. Her age isn't given, because he doesn't know it, but its clearly stated several times that she's obviously an adult.

2) I didn't want to the two characters to wake up on the hero's 18th birthday and suddenly realize there was someone sexy living behind them and almost immediately fall into bed. He'd noticed her and silently lusted after her for years, and she'd watched the kid mowing her yard grow into a athletic, desirable man.

Below is my third attempt to get this passed. I'd like opinions before I submit it. I'm sure it's annoying to Laural, and certainly frustrating to me, that she keeps rejecting it, so I'd like it to pass this time.

=== Begin excerpt ===

I'd started mowing Ms. Ceilo's yard, along with five others, when I was fifteen. It was completely unexpected, but I finally got my chance to fuck her not long after my eighteenth birthday. I'd given up mowing other people's yards, except for one, to work as a cashier in a local market. Tina's yard adjoined my parent's property along the back, and that was the excuse I gave my parents for why I was still mowing her yard and no one else's. The real reason was I enjoyed looking at her, and I hoped she'd invite me into her bed, though at the time I suspected I had a better chance to be struck by lightning than that happening.

=== End excerpt ===

Thank you for any help you can provide.

 

[SimonDoom]

I want to state I'm not trying to cross the line on underage sex. I'm not even trying to push the line. I'm perfectly willing to stay in rules, but I clearly don't understand the where the line that can't be crossed is located.

I took the group's advice and took a step back from what I originally had. Below is the modified version that I submitted. This version was also rejected.

=== Begin excerpt ===

I'd started mowing Ms. Ceilo's yard, along with five others, when I was fifteen, and I'd noticed then Tina was hotter than shit. In my imagination she was, or had been, a porn star, and was horny all the time. She certainly looked the part, and after I turned seventeen, I often dreamed of her.

I finally got my chance to fuck her not long after my eighteenth birthday. I'd given up mowing yards, except for one, to work as a cashier in a local market. Tina's yard adjoined my parent's property along the back, and that was the excuse I gave my parents for why I was still mowing her yard and no one else's. The real reason was I enjoyed looking at her, and I hoped she'd invite me into her bed, though at the time I suspected I had a better chance to be struck by lightning than that happening.

=== End excerpt ===

The only reason I want something like this in the story at all is two reasons.

1) This was a pivotal moment in the hero's life. Tina is the woman all others have been compared to for the next fifteen years of his life, and there is a call back to this time later in the story when he finds someone that replaces Tina as the standard to which all other women are compared. The call back is by name only with no reference to anything else. Tina was his sexual teacher, and main thrust of the story is 15 years later, the student/hero becomes the teacher. And no, his student isn't underage. Her age isn't given, because he doesn't know it, but its clearly stated several times that she's obviously an adult.

2) I didn't want to the two characters to wake up on the hero's 18th birthday and suddenly realize there was someone sexy living behind them and almost immediately fall into bed. He'd noticed her and silently lusted after her for years, and she'd watched the kid mowing her yard grow into a athletic, desirable man.

Below is my third attempt to get this passed. I'd like opinions before I submit it. I'm sure it's annoying to Laural, and certainly frustrating to me, that she keeps rejecting it, so I'd like it to pass this time.

=== Begin excerpt ===

I'd started mowing Ms. Ceilo's yard, along with five others, when I was fifteen. It was completely unexpected, but I finally got my chance to fuck her not long after my eighteenth birthday. I'd given up mowing other people's yards, except for one, to work as a cashier in a local market. Tina's yard adjoined my parent's property along the back, and that was the excuse I gave my parents for why I was still mowing her yard and no one else's. The real reason was I enjoyed looking at her, and I hoped she'd invite me into her bed, though at the time I suspected I had a better chance to be struck by lightning than that happening.

=== End excerpt ===

Thank you for any help you can provide.

My recommendation is you need to go in a completely different direction with this. Not with the basic story idea. It's fine to write a story about a guy over 18 who, when he was younger, fantasized about an older woman, but you can't describe with any specificity his underage feelings for her. You just need to get rid of that completely. This intro you've written is confusing, and I would just get rid of it.

Start your story when he's 18. After a few paragraphs, include a brief remembrance of how he used to mow her lawn when he was 15 and he noticed how hot she was. But don't lead off your story with that. Leave it at that. Then go back to when he's 18, and narrate what happens from that point forward. You won't run into any trouble if you do that.

 

[KeithD]

I want to state I'm not trying to cross the line on underage sex. I'm not even trying to push the line. I'm perfectly willing to stay in rules, but I clearly don't understand the where the line that can't be crossed is located.

I'm not sure what part of "you have to discuss this directly with the site editor, Laurel, reachable only by Private Message (PM)" you're not getting.

 

[SanityCheck]

My recommendation is you need to go in a completely different direction with this. Not with the basic story idea. It's fine to write a story about a guy over 18 who, when he was younger, fantasized about an older woman, but you can't describe with any specificity his underage feelings for her. You just need to get rid of that completely. This intro you've written is confusing, and I would just get rid of it.

Start your story when he's 18. After a few paragraphs, include a brief remembrance of how he used to mow her lawn when he was 15 and he noticed how hot she was. But don't lead off your story with that. Leave it at that. Then go back to when he's 18, and narrate what happens from that point forward. You won't run into any trouble if you do that.

Understood... but the excerpts above are actually about 5,000 words into the story and they are very clearly stated as memories.

 

[BelleCanzuto]

I hear your frustration.
Have you thought about PMing Laurel to point out to her that no actual sex happens until your character is 18? I've seen other people in similar situation do so. It may be that whether she really is reading it herself, or relying on some kind of algorithm, it's gotten tripped up by the proximity of your character's fifteen and seventeen year old lusting after her to the actual sex at eighteen.

My only other thought is this: "After I turned 18 I got a chance to fuck a woman I'd been thinking about for years. She lived next door, and was gorgeous. In my mind she was a porn star, and always horny. I'd mowed her lawn for a while, and kept up with it even after I got another job, just to give myself the chance to look at her"' {or whatever, but the idea is only mention his age numerically once, after he's 18}

 

[SimonDoom]

Understood... but the excerpts above are actually about 5,000 words into the story and they are very clearly stated as memories.

OK. It's hard to give advice with incomplete information and excerpts. What KeithD said is right: you need to PM Laurel and find out what she doesn't like. The rest of us are speculating just like you are.