Reigniting On Halloween from writer

[TabooTeller]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=114570



Just thought I would put down a few thoughts about this story. First: I would like comments but I am getting those already.
Second: for those who have read it, I submitted a reedited version and if I did it right it should replace the original one by Tuesday or Wednesday. There was no major changes, I just, hopefully, made it easier to read therefore a better story and I explained a couple of minor points. Not to mentioned corrected a few misspellings and typos.
Third: one anonymous commenter asked me not to have them cheat. They sounded like they thought I was planning to. I cannot respond to them but maybe they will read this. To them and anyone else who misinterrupted what I said in the end notes, I say I tried to make it clear that this couple won't-will not swap or cheat. I do have an idea or two for a sequel. One idea is a flashback to their first anal sex and/or their honeymoon night. They might go camping or maybe on a second honeymoon.
Fourth: I would like to say is that this story was inspired by "Halloween Masquerade" by Lovepotion69. http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=112745

Its a nice little story with a good set up and good sex. I am glad they, you have to read the story, didn't have sex even though something should have happen to not leave him hanging there.
I had planned on not doing a Halloween story 'till I read that story. Reigniting began to form in my mind soon after. That's the way it works, with me at least, one new inspiration can ruin a whole plan.
Fifth: I have received many kind words about this story, some by anonymous and I want to thank all who sent in comments, even things you would like to see in the next story. I appreciate it all, which doesn't mean I will use every or any suggestions but I do appreciate it.


TabooTeller

 

[TabooTeller]

OK Not too many people seem to be reaing this But I posted an edited version of Reginiting. No Major changes but I think it read smoother. And some beter expalinations of a couple of small points. You all can see if it is better.




TabooTeller

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I had a look at it, and I think I know why you're not getting many reads. The story's very over-written, far longer than it needs to be, and it moves at a snail's pace.

Excerpt:
---------------------------------
He let go of her, she backed up and started to remove the outfit. He began to unzip the hidden zippers but stopped to watch. She saw him looking and just motioned to a zipper on his costume. He nodded and got back to work but he stopped again as she stepped out of the clothes. He couldn't believe how sexy she was in that outfit and how erotic it was to watch her remove it. He had hurried on the way in so he could watch her walk in one last time. Man, he wanted that butt. He had decided half way through the evening, even before their "walk" on the wild side, that he was going to get a piece of ass tonight, literally. He had watched her walk as often as he could and he had noticed that many men and even a couple of woman had watched her rear as she moved around. Part of him had liked it that they were staring at his wife, and he couldn't blame them but at the same time part of him hadn't wanted any one else to see and part had wanted to protect her from the looks. Tom knew how shy and reserve she was. Tonight being an exception, instead of being embarrassed as usual she seemed to enjoy the looks.
------------------------------

You take almost 250 words to tell us that she took off her costume and that he wanted to screw her, and that's all that happens in the paragraph; the rest is superfluous.

That’s entirely too many words, and the story is filled with this kind of writing. It’s terribly overwritten and really needs to be pared down, because all the words get in the way of what story there is. Unless I'm really caoptivated and the story's cracking on like crazy, five Lit pages is more than I’m usually willing to put up with. I read the first page of this one with a growing sense of impatience, started the second, then just started scanning to see if there was any clear water ahead. There wasn’t, and I bailed out.

I don’t mean to be hard on you, but you have a bad tendency to overwrite: to tell us the same things over and again, and to clog up the action with the characters’ thoughts and memories and opinons. In fiction, the story is always comes first, and by story, I mean what’s physically happening: who’s doing what to whom. First tell the story: give us the action, show us what’s going on. If you show it in a skillful enough way, you really don’t have to tell us every little thing they’re thinking.

In the paragraph above, which is pretty typical, you have the action of her starting to take off her costume, and him getting turned on watching her, then we go into all this stuff about what he’s thinking and what he’s been up to earlier and what he thought about what he did earlier and on and on, and by the time we reach the end of the passage we forgot what was even happening. One good image, one good description, is worth hundreds of words.

Show us her taking off the costume: show it sliding off her shoulders, show us how she looks at him as it does, and how he looks back at her. Don’t tell us she looks “sexy” or "erotic” to him, because that doesn’t tell us anything. For all we know, he might find 400-lb women with acne "sexy" or "erotic". Tell us instead what her breasts looked like: are they full and heavy, do they stand up proud, are they covered with goose bumps? Does she put her shoulders back to make them stand out? How does she stand? Is she nervous, or does she tease him? Does she stare at him, daring to make a move, or does she lower her eyes and wait for him. Paint us a picture and we can figure out what he’s feeling and thinking.


---dr.M.

 

[TabooTeller]

Not ignoring you

Just want to say that I am not ignoring the last note with all the comments. It has taken me two or three days to get bakc here. I will say more later but right now I want tos ay that I did not smoothout the story becasue of compliments or because of the lack of readers. I just felt it could be better as I looked it over for another reason. And I felt that some minor issues needed clarifing. And this is not meant to sarcastic or angry but I felt like saying that some of my best comments were recieved about Reiginiting and it has the highest rating of all my stories. And it just went up a .01 or two. I guess those that bothered reading it liked it. But I will reread the criticisms and remember them the next time I write a story.




Tabooteller

 

[TabooTeller]

Finally

Finally commenting on dr_mabeuse's comments.
I know some of it is wordy but I think that I have read published authors who have been just as wordy, best sellers in some cases. I liked it, it added to the flavour you might say. Of course these were better writers than I am so it could be the can get away with it or they know how to do it better than I. Than again maybe that type of thing may not fit this type of stories. Or maybe I am just a nitch reader and therefore some of my stories will be for nitch readers also.
I will say that I have now gotten one comment that mentioned I used too many words even though they didn't go into detail about which sections or if it was the whole story. I will try to cut it down next time.




TabooTeller

 

[TabooTeller]

One more word

Actually two comments

First is that I didn't realize that this story would be eight pages long, If I had I would have split it in half like I have the others.


Second is that going along with how some liked it. This is the first of my stories that got an H . Two more have recieved it since but it was the first.


Last is that most of my stories are longer but I am doing two shorter ones. For me shorter that is. One is done and hopefully will be posted in few days, the second will be even shorter so far anyway, and will be posted next week. Maybe around the 14th. Again Hopefully.



TabooTeller

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Just wanted to say that, when I critique a story, I just call it as I see it, and these are just my own opinions. Lots of times other people will see things in our stuff that we don't notice ourselves. That's why we ask for reviews. But no reviewer has the answers or knows the right way to do things. All we have are opinions.

If you're already aware of the wordiness issue but you're happy with your style, then by all means ignore my comments and stick with it. That's your prerogative as a writer, to do it your way. I only meant to point out something you might not have noticed yourself, but if you already know about it and like it that way, then go with it.

---dr.M.

 

[TabooTeller]

Just wanted to say that, when I critique a story, I just call it as I see it, and these are just my own opinions. Lots of times other people will see things in our stuff that we don't notice ourselves. That's why we ask for reviews. But no reviewer has the answers or knows the right way to do things. All we have are opinions.

If you're already aware of the wordiness issue but you're happy with your style, then by all means ignore my comments and stick with it. That's your prerogative as a writer, to do it your way. I only meant to point out something you might not have noticed yourself, but if you already know about it and like it that way, then go with it.

---dr.M.

I do apperciate the comments and as I said I will keep them in mind for next time. I know that my stories aren't for everyone even though hopefully I am getting better as I go.




TabooTeller

 

[TabooTeller]

One last comment

The last comment unless someone else comments that is.

Anyway if anyone who is reading this has read the orginal "Reiginting On Halloween" could you read the new version and tell me if it is better?
TabooTeller