Regrettable children's books

[pecksniff]

101 Fun Uses for Glue

Slingshots, Bottle Rockets and Cherry Bombs: A Child's Guide to Low-Intensity Warfare Weapons and Tactics

How to Earn Pocket Money at the Bus Station

Oh, the Smells You Will Smell!

Why Mommy and Daddy Make Funny Noises

A Child's Guide to Inferior Races

Encyclopedia Brown Meets Tony Soprano

Encyclopedia Brown Sleeps with the Fishes

Harry Potter and the Satanic Sex-Abuse Cult

 

[rae121452]

"you were bad and now jesus hates you"


"you were an accident because bad daddy tells lies"


"teach your buddies how to play pocket pool!"


"sharon has two mommies and they're both muffdivers"

 

[pecksniff]

Danny Dunn and the Sex-Change Machine

 

[pecksniff]

From David Letterman's Top 10 List:

10. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence

9. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

8. Legends of Scab Football

7. Teddy: The Elf With a Detached Retina

6. Tommy Tune: Boy Choreographer

5. Joe Garagiola Retells Favorite Fairy Tales but Can’t Remember the Endings to All of Them

4. Ed Beckley’s ‘Start a Real Estate Empire With Change From Mom’s Purse’

3. Things Rich Kids Have That You Never Will

2. Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica With Their Clothes Off

1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead

 

[pecksniff]

Curious George Is a Negro

 

[hobbit.]

From David Letterman's Top 10 List:



8. Legends of Scab Football

is that by Joel or Avram glazer?

 

[Thotsferatu]

Lead Paint and Other Tasty After-School Snacks

Fun with Asbestos

Uncle Ricky’s Tickle Dungeon

Everybody Poops, It’s Just Wrong When *You* Do It

 

[hobbit.]

Aztec death cults

Human Sacrifice for beginers

Are twins edible

the priest and the choir

The imam and the unbelieving children

what lives under the bed ?

what lives behind the wall paper?

pooing and sudden infant death syndrome

I spy book of mummies middle drawer

Do dead people hide in candy jars ?

taxidermy for beginers

divorce law, 2012 Revised edition.

when mummy left daddy

 

[FataMorgana]

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/e5/3c/ce/e53cce2cbbdb12b1e92fd0a92c231621.jpg

 

[hobbit.]

https://i.pinimg.com/236x/e5/3c/ce/e53cce2cbbdb12b1e92fd0a92c231621.jpg

foreword by pope john paul ii

 

[Comshaw]

Daddy, Why Did Jesus Kill Grandma? (Teaching Youngsters About Hell)

Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer's Testicles? (The Truth About Easter Eggs)

Mr. Pinky and the Hidey Hole
(Sex Education from a True Christian Perspective)

Comshaw

 

[oggbashan]

Real Published Books

Scouts in Bondage

Any G A Henty books where a British Boy saves the day. e.g Under Drake's Flag;
The Bravest of the Brave, or, With Peterborough in Spain.

Billy Bunter Books: The Fat Owl of the Remove.

Tom Brown's Schooldays

Eric, or Little By Little

Little Lord Fauntleroy

For Girls: The Chalet School Books

 

[rae121452]

"you are a filthy, evil demon child"-a guide to public education.

babies are starving because you won't eat your broccoli

"when sister berarda stopped taking her meds"-a survival guide for catholic schools.

everybody dies, no matter what.

orphans who used to have what you have
(before mommy and daddy died)

 

[RoryN]

Go the Fuck to Sleep, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson:
https://youtu.be/Udj-o2m39NA

 

[hobbit.]

Go the Fuck to Sleep, narrated by Samuel L. Jackson:
https://youtu.be/Udj-o2m39NA

Audio books would be a different classification. Could have topics such as "Arachnids, their hiding places and abilty to kill large prey'' narrated by vincent price.

Ordinary book titles -
Why Mummy cries every night.

Anti depressants and their place in the modern family.

Why monsters hide in the toilet bowl.

10 things to watch out for in your latest new uncle.

Pick your own boarding school.

The magic sausage and places to hide it.

A DIY guide to circumcision.

How to perform an exorcism on your siblings.

Why girls are full of germs and infectious diseases (girls version available)

How to have fun with the physically handicapped .

Fire as a cleansing agent.

 

[pecksniff]

Billy Bunter Books: The Fat Owl of the Remove.

Tom Brown's Schooldays

"Boys' Weeklies," by George Orwell (1940):

Needless to say, these stories are fantastically unlike life at a real public school. They run in cycles of rather differing types, but in general they are the clean-fun, knock-about type of story, with interest centring round horseplay, practical jokes, ragging masters, fights, canings, football, cricket and food. A constantly recurring story is one in which a boy is accused of some misdeed committed by another and is too much of a sportsman to reveal the truth. The ‘good’ boys are ‘good’ in the clean-living Englishman tradition — they keep in hard training, wash behind their ears, never hit below the belt etc., etc.,— and by way of contrast there is a series of ‘bad’ boys, Racke, Crooke, Loder and others, whose badness consists in betting, smoking cigarettes and frequenting public-houses. All these boys are constantly on the verge of expulsion, but as it would mean a change of personnel if any boy were actually expelled, no one is ever caught out in any really serious offence. Stealing, for instance, barely enters as a motif. Sex is completely taboo, especially in the form in which it actually arises at public schools. Occasionally girls enter into the stories, and very rarely there is something approaching a mild flirtation, but it is entirely in the spirit of clean fun. A boy and a girl enjoy going for bicycle rides together — that is all it ever amounts to. Kissing, for instance, would be regarded as ‘soppy’. Even the bad boys are presumed to be completely sexless. When the Gem and Magnet were started, it is probable that there was a deliberate intention to get away from the guilty sex-ridden atmosphere that pervaded so much of the earlier literature for boys. In the ‘nineties the Boy’s Own Paper, for instance, used to have its correspondence columns full of terrifying warnings against masturbation, and books like St. Winifred’s and Tom Brown’s Schooldays were heavy with homosexual feeling, though no doubt the authors were not fully aware of it. In the Gem and Magnet sex simply does not exist as a problem. Religion is also taboo; in the whole thirty years’ issue of the two papers the word ‘God’ probably does not occur, except in ‘God save the King’. On the other hand, there has always been a very strong ‘temperance’ strain. Drinking and, by association, smoking are regarded as rather disgraceful even in an adult (‘shady’ is the usual word), but at the same time as something irresistibly fascinating, a sort of substitute for sex. In their moral atmosphere the Gem and Magnet have a great deal in common with the Boy Scout movement, which started at about the same time.

 

[Sean]

For Girls: The Chalet School Books

Read all of them. My sister had them all. Read all of Noel Streatfield's stuff as well.

It's interesting, when I was a kid, all the boys (and girls for that matter) were distinctly upper middle class and invariably went to boarding schools. I knew more about life in an English prep school than I did about a grammar until I actually went to secondary school. It was only when the likes of EW Hildick started writing school stories that working class kids got a look in.

 

[Chernosoth]

When Mommy Loses her Job: Streetwalking for the Whole Family

 

[Saint_Ann]

I hated Thing 1 & Thing 2. Total assholes.

 

[Chernosoth]

There are some kids' books about being homeless. If a family is close to becoming homeless, they probably can't buy a book about that.

 

[Saint_Ann]

There are some kids' books about being homeless. If a family is close to becoming homeless, they probably can't buy a book about that.

Dr. SEUSS has been translated into 45 languages.

 

[pecksniff]

Harold Sticks His Purple Crayon Way Up His Ass

 

[pecksniff]

https://www.explainxkcd.com/wiki/images/3/3a/blockbuster_mining.png

The 2007 Bridge To Terebithia trailer put me off too much to see that particular movie, but I am cautiously optimistic about Where The Wild Things Are.

 

[Celand]

" How to help find the lost puppy in the woods"

 

[colddiesel]

This was given as an infants school prize to a friend in about 1951.

Golly Woggy and Nigger by Enid Blyton.