Regarding: Serena… The One I Adore.

[XXplorher]

I posted this story several months ago and have pretty much been on Literotica sabbatical since. On return I see that the 3rd installment of this unfinished story (where it just begins to sweat) has a 4.89 rating. That’s based on 9 votes out of over 5,000 views. Which is VERY confusing. The one public comment made was brief, kind, but generic. This leaves me curious…

Is it any damned good? What do these numbers mean?

A writer writes to be affecting. I never write to sit on my own pedestal and think I’m uber-cool. Without response… reaction… emotion – the words are useless. They mean absolutely nothing without your thoughts. I had a very successful stint here at Literotica years ago, but I left this story on a shelf unseen. Though I truly felt I was on my way to something that connected innocence and sexuality… the innocence OF sexuality. The BRILLIANCE of innocence… the intrigue in uncomfortable… and the excitement of discovery. This was to be my best. But it stopped and I left alone. I’d really like to know if it’s worth what it set out to be.

I humbly request any feedback on what’s posted of this series (particularly, the initial chapters which are not very sexual but I thought imperative to what comes after).

Thanks much,

Double-X


Serena, The One I Adore...
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=161518

Serena, The One I Adore... (part 2)
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=162124

Serena, The One I Adore... (part 3)
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=162125

 

[NoJo]

No time to read now, but voted 5 so you now have 10 votes, and will get an 'H' -- should increase your reads, and elicit more feedback!

Joe.

 

[Boxlicker101]

No time to read now, but voted 5 so you now have 10 votes, and will get an 'H' -- should increase your reads, and elicit more feedback!

Joe.

Unfortunately, the Red H and that high rating will attract the attention of trolls and you will probably get at least one one-bomb.

 

[XXplorher]

Rockin - thanks, Joe.

If I pull a troll - that should balance out Joe giving me a 5 on a story never read, eh? Hehe heh.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Rockin - thanks, Joe.

If I pull a troll - that should balance out Joe giving me a 5 on a story never read, eh? Hehe heh.

No. The one-bomb from the troll and the 5 from Joe will average 3, giving you a score of 4.55, which is still not bad. To offset a single one-bomb and return your score to 4.89, you would need an additional 34 votes of 5 each.

8 X 5 = 40. 40 + 4 = 44. 44/9 4.88888.

To have an average score of 4.89 with nine votes, this is what your first nine votes had to have been. Eight votes of 5 and one of 4.

44 + 5 = 46. 49/10 = 4.9.

This is your score after a 5 from Joe and a total of ten votes.

49 + 1 = 50. 50/11 = 4.545.

This would be your score after a single one-bomb and a total of 11 votes.

34 X 5 = 170. 170 + 50 = 220. 220/45 = 4.8888.

Check the math and you'll see why we all curse and revile trolls.



.

 

[XXplorher]

Umm... math is hard n' stuff.

Apparently, I'm still at 9 votes and troll-less (Joe never made that vote?). But I'd rather get an earned vote anyway, so if someone has a few extra moments - please read the series and kick down your assesment.

How many votes does it take to qualify for the Top List anyway? It seems if you don't earn enough votes to make that list, you get one week of "New Story" looks and then you're history.

I've spent way too much time being my own publicist in other areas to have a go at it here as well, eh.

 

[XXplorher]

LOL...

Your math skills are exemplary, BoxLicker - I guess I got trolled with a 1-bomb! (11 for 4.55)

 

[CWatson]

XX, I've only ever read one thing of yours, and it was a while back--something about a swimming pool--but I really liked the rhythm and style of your prose. You are able to build a complete picture out of only snapshot fragments, something that continually blows my mind. When I write, it has to be linear; every now and then I get a poetic description; but by and large, it's clunky and direct and boring. Whereas here you are, happily building fairy-tale castles out of motes of dust. I can't get over it.

(EDIT Whoa... Where'd that story go? It's not ascribed to you, but the two writing styles are so bloody similar, and I remember that the author's name was almost identical to yours as well. Okay, mind-fuck. Moving on now... )

Having said that, what really got to me was the messed-up punctuation. It indicates sloppiness on your part. It's clear from the prose that you're a damn good writer, so we know you can punctuate properly. You just... Aren't, for some reason. And it turns us off a bit. Also, since you communicate in bits and fragments, punctuation is also pretty damn important; you bend most of the rules of sentence construction, so the ones you do keep, you REALLY need to keep--or we're just gonna get lost. Maybe it's as simple as that. Me, I really liked the whole thing. I think you really captured the essence of the Serena character--and without once actually describing her in physical detail. She's a creature of movement and light and sensation, almost more of a ghost or a spirit than a physical person. That's not easy. Props to you, good sir.

 

[XXplorher]

WATSON!!...

Thanks, brother. That was a valued reply.

When I started doing this I really bent the rules of grammar, simply because... I didn't know the rules. I went after a rhythm (as you mentioned) of my own effect. It's taken a while to learn the language - and hold on to my own.

There are certain things I’m aware are "illegal" - that I'll use forever. But the purpose of that must be I find it more affecting. And if it isn't? Then I'm a stubborn boob that's failing to meet his own objective. I don't know who set the rules. But I do know I can't NOT fuck sideways hanging from a chandelier until I've tried it. And that’s the reason for my ignorance. (Not to mention drinking Sideways while the rest of you were going to school).

I have shit from the beginning that I can’t fathom I thought grammatically acceptable, but I learned through trial and error. The fact that you find it affecting ANYWAY, while berating your own production on being too retentive…? You’ve got to fuck them every other way than ever before… and never any way you think you can’t.

And that’s a fakt.


Thanks for reading (you were probably referring to ‘WATER’ as the story before? Elongated ellipses and all kinda drippy stuff? That was actually a resolution to “Sorry, Wrong Number”. Which I haven’t re-posted here yet).

Thanks much for the considered reply. Valued for certain…