Redneck virgin

[Sail45]

Here's a story idea based on an old joke: A redneck son goes to hes father and says, "Dad, I believe I am in love and I want to marry this girl. What do you think?". The father says, "Well I dunno son, that all depends. Is she a virgin?". The son say, "Yes, Dad she is.". The father shakes his head sadly and advises his son, "I don't think so son. If she ain't good enuf for her family, why do you think she's good enuf for ours?".

I don't know why I always liked that joke but I do. The story idea comes in when the father takes pity on the hapless girl and initiates her into the family so the son can marry her.

What do you think? Ideas?

 

[CeasarBoobage]

Obligatory:
Q: What is the definition of a Arkansas virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

:eyeroll:


Anywho, back to the story idea...
Going along with the stereotypical jokes about this, this guy (over 18 of course) wants to marry this girl (also over 18), but the dad doesn't think it's appropriate that she's a virgin, so he takes it upon himself to rid her of that "problem".

I think there are only two ways to go about this. Humor (recommended), or NonConsent (ie. rape. fuck no, go away.). Thank you for choosing the humor route. IRL, if this girl won't put out for any guy before, nor has she done the deed herself, I see no way on earth that she would jump her future FIL's bones.
Many stories here, as well as Hollywood movies, require a massive suspension of belief in order for the consumer to enjoy it, so I think the humor portion has to be over-the-top in this. I think it could be a riot to be so silly in a story.

The 'funny' aspect made me go search my posting history so I could bring you this convo.

 

[Hypoxia]

Heidi the hillbilly girl started developing at age twelve. Her auntie Alice, a local wizard-woman, knew that only one thing would preserve her lovely niece's innocence: magic. Alice gave Heidi a mystic mummified toad, Bufo, as her spirit protector. Little did Heidi suspect that Bufo was actually an enchanted Choctaw prince. As a protector, his magic radiance formed a sure shield. The storyline will contain many episodes of Heidi+Bufo resisting all sexual advances. But Heidi kissed Bufo on her 18th birthday and transformed him back into human form. Now he must physically drive off her long-frustrated 'suitors'. How much longer can she remain a virgin? And how long is Bufo's tongue?

 

[Sail45]

Thanks for the story ideas

Thanks for both of the ideas. I read "Diary of a Faithful Wife" and found it hilarious. I've met a lots of women who say they've kissed a lot of frogs before meeting their prince, but I'm not sure about kissing toads, even ones that protect Heidi, since I find them disgusting.

Oh well, the Q&A joke about the Arkansas virgin reminded me of another definition I once found of Redneck Foreplay: "Get in the truck, bitch!".

 

[Hypoxia]

Redneck Foreplay: "Get in the truck, bitch!".

Australian foreplay: "Brace yourself, Sheila!"
Jewish foreplay: an hour of begging
Hippie foreplay: "Hey! Are you awake?"
Muslim foreplay: tickle the goat under the chin

I'm sure there's a canonical list of these somewhere.