red neck medical dictionary

[pabloback]

Benign.........................What you be after you be eight.
Artery..........................The study of paintings.
Bacteria.......................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section........A neighborhood in Rome.
CTscan.......................Searching for kitty.
Cauterize....................Made eye contact with her.
Colic..........................A sheep dog.
Coma.........................A punctuation mark.
D & C.......................Where Washington is.
Dilate.........................To live long.
Enema........................Not a friend.
Fester........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula........................A small lie.
Genital.......................Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series.................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail....................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent....................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain.................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff.............A Doctor's cane.
Morbid......................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.....................Cheaper than day rates.
Node.........................I knew it.
Outpatient.................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative..........A letter carrier.
Recovery Room........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.....................Damn near killed him.
Secretion..................Hiding something.
Seizure.....................Roman emperor.
Tablet......................A small table.
Terminal Illness........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor.....................More than one.
Urine.......................Opposite of you're out.
Varicose..................Near by/close by.

 

[Matthew Craig]

That's crap.

 

[tigerlilly2542]

I think that is funny...thanks for the laugh.

 

[Matthew Craig]

I think that is funny...thanks for the laugh.

I'm just getting him back for the shit remark he made in my thread.

 

[pabloback]

dedicated to mathew craig

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

 

[pabloback]

bump

Billy Bob's pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine and your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother... he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," says the doctor.

The new mother says, "Wow, that's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise." Then she asks, "What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew."

 

[DV81]

Barium........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section........A neighborhood in Rome.
Coma.........................A punctuation mark.
Dilate.........................To live long.
Node.........................I knew it.
Tumor.....................More than one.
Varicose..................Near by/close by.

I damn near pissed my shorts

 

[pabloback]

Two men were driving through Georgia when they got pulled over by a State Trooper.

The cop walked up and tapped on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolled down the window and WHACK, the cop smacked him in the head with his nightstick.

"What the hell was that for?" the driver asked.

"You're in Georgia, son," the trooper answered.

"When we pull you over in Georgia, you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car."

"I'm sorry, officer," the driver said, "I'm not from around here."

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, he's clean and gives the guy his license back.

The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.

The passenger rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.

"What"d you do that for?" the passenger demands.

"Just making your wish come true," replied the Trooper.

"Making WHAT wish come true?" the passenger asked.

"Because I know your type," the trooper says, "two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, "I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!"

 

[RhumbRunner13]

Not really correct.

"Node"

I know.

You know.

He/she/it "node".

Rhumb

 

[pabloback]

not from round here

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine.

All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.

The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?"

The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada."

The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?"

The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist."

The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?"

"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."

The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."

 

[pabloback]

needs a bu,p too