Recount Your Miracle Here

[shereads]

Personally, I thought the Litany of Saints was beautiful even if it did run a little long. One more saint couldn't hurt. Also, I'd like to urge you Catholics to appoint more saints who died by natural causes. Why encourage your best people to get themselves disemboweled or eaten by lions or crucified upside-down? As a recruitment gimmick, martyrdom might make a blip on the charts, but as a retention strategy it sucks.

Let's get this promotion moving.

If I'm not mistaken, these are the requirements for sainthood (non-porn):

(A) Catholic

(B) Performed miracles

(C) Five-year cooling-off period*

(D) Willing to relocate

I can only help with "B." Here's my miracle:

Because of Pope John Paul II, I watched a three-hour religious service and didn't yawn, snicker, seethe with resentment, or indulge in a private game of "spot the toupee."




*In Florida, we require a 3-day cooling-off period to buy a handgun. In other words, if somebody makes you so angry you want to shoot him, you have to wait 3 days. In contrast, waiting 5 years to be a saint seems unreasonable.

 

[Guest]

its a miracle youre up at this time of day...arent you usually sleeping until midnight?

 

[shereads]

its a miracle youre up at this time of day...arent you usually sleeping until midnight?

Don't get me angry. Three days isn't that long, missy.

 

[Guest]

Don't get me angry. Three days isn't that long, missy.

dont get pissy with me. i know the nursing home and ive got the number....and....im not afraid to call her.

 

[rgraham666]

I saw not a single piece of the media blitz surrounding JPII's demise or funeral.

Considering the saturation, that's akin to someone walking away from Ground Zero at Nagasaki unscathed

 

[shereads]

I saw not a single piece of the media blitz surrounding JPII's demise or funeral.

Considering the saturation, that's akin to someone walking away from Ground Zero at Nagasaki unscathed

Good one.

If you find his profile on a grilled cheese sandwich, we'll have three miracles.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Alas, I have no miracles to report. Just lots of ungranted wishes.

Where's the miracle sign-up sheet?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

All proposals for Sainthood must cross my desk, envelopes containing cash will thoroughly examined and put in the "Prospects" pile.

Abstruse I

 

[shereads]

All proposals for Sainthood must cross my desk, envelopes containing cash will thoroughly examined and put in the "Prospects" pile.

Abstruse I

I wish I cared that much. For those who do, do you accept PayPal?

 

[Guest]

Sher,
i am very intrigued by the cherub on your shoulder. was it able to extract that waxy build up?

 

[hydrex]

I'm not catholic but I have had two miracles in my life.
The first is when I was 17 playing football and I got poked in the eye with a finger, had better than 20/20 ever since. The second was my son being born. does any of that count?

 

[carsonshepherd]

Sher,
i am very intrigued by the cherub on your shoulder. was it able to extract that waxy build up?

LMAO!

The true miracle is that I had one beer for lunch, and it didn't lead to another.

 

[oggbashan]

The miracles were the number of Heads of State who shook hands with each other at the funeral when normally they would rather shoot.

Og

 

[OhMissScarlett]

I got a great parking place at the grocery store today and no one stalked me on the way out to get the spot.

 

[Samandiriel]

Mike the Headless Chicken.

 

[maggot420]

i was cutting up chickens with a really sharp boning knife. i would flip them over and slice off the wings. as i flipped one over the knife slipped and cut into my knuckle. i was holding the wing tightly in that hand and as the blade touched the skin it split open wide. in that split second, before i even stopped slicing, i saw the blade edge score the white of the bone ever so slightly. as it was sifting through i realized that the knuckle looks exactly like the smooth round part of a chicken wing.
i know its not a miracle but thats what mike the headless chicken reminded me of

 

[elsol]

*burp*

I had two cousins born with the exact same heart condition... most of the time fatal before someone gets out of their teens.

One of my aunts took him back to the cathedral in the capital city in our home country, and made a religious vow not to cut my cousin's hair, until absolutely necessary, if the Saint the church was built in the honor of would speak to God for my cousin.

As a side note, the hands-down WORST beating I ever got in my life was when I 'threatened' to cut my cousin's hair... family members flew in to give me a beating for that one.

Anyway... my cousin did not have a cutting implement touch his hair until he was six and half years old.

The results.

The cousin with the long hair never had a problem, played little league baseball, and was pronounced perfectly healthy in his teen years.

My other cousin had 3 open heart surgeries by the age of eighteen... he's still alive but it's been an 'every day could be last' since his last heart surgery.

Miracle?

Probably 14 years of misdiagnosis.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[shereads]

Sher,
i am very intrigued by the cherub on your shoulder. was it able to extract that waxy build up?

That's a mosquito, Vella. The spring hatchings have begun.

 

[shereads]

*burp*


The cousin with the long hair never had a problem, played little league baseball, and was pronounced perfectly healthy in his teen years.

My other cousin had 3 open heart surgeries by the age of eighteen... he's still alive but it's been an 'every day could be last' since his last heart surgery.

Is there a way you can work Pope John Paul II into this story? Maybe he suggested the long-hair strategy? It's a good miracle, and it's a shame to waste to it on someone who's already a saint.


On a personal note, miracles like this one have always bothered me a little. I can't help looking at it from the pov of the cousin who got haircuts and open heart surgeries, or the children who weren't rescued from a burning building because nobody prayed for them, etc.

The first time I heard someone credit God with curing a relative's disease, I wondered why they didn't blame God for the ones who didn't make it. I think I was seven. Being a realist sucks.

I guess that's why I enjoyed the Latin mass. Nothing to question, just a beautiful stage show.