Recently Widowed, just looking for some advice

[Disturbingimage]

I've written this probably ten times but never can post it. Just too strange. Things in life happen and they change you. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. Either way you're never the same. That's what happened to me when my love died a few months ago. I'm lost. l feel like a ship stuck a sea, no power to move, no desire to call for help. Just float endlessly till i sink.
The biggest problem i think i have is i don't know any widows i can ask for advice, especially men that have no kids. All the widows i know personally are all women with kids. So as much pain as they are in, and oh i know the pain, they still have their kids. I lost it all. My love, our plans for a family, and my desire to every have one.
So how do you "move on"?
I fear nothing now except the idea of every loving again and I have absolutely no sexual desire which is a 1st in my life. Like i said, changed.
Why am I here asking this? Well I've seen quite a few other widows on here and until recently sex was a very big part of my life and the Lit community was very excepting. Strange that I could tell another user my darkest fantasies or most taboo story and not my love but that seemed to be common. All of my "wierd" thoughts and turn-on were a lot more usual than I had assumed and people were very open about them. I still enjoy the ads and stories and love that the women are so open about their sexuality even if i can't comment on it.
I posted some things I now regret but it was just a outlet for relationship issues, curiosities or taboo thoughts. If i ever had mislead anyone to believing anything other than i am a straight faithful man, maybe a lil curious once, I apologize, never my intent.
That is also the reason I am writing this rather than starting a new profile as a different person. I hate fake people and liars.
So ya I think this is my last attempt for some advice before i say fuck it and seek therapy. So anyone got any advice for a 35 year old recent widow pls share or pm me. Not looking for any kind of sexual anything so if your advice is "go get laid"...thanks but no.
Thanks Lit.
D.

P.S. my insecurities will probably get me to take this down before too long...

 

[CuriousGuyVa]

Hike up your britches and take it day by day... it will get better as long as you want it to

 

[Crackedcolumn]

brother take it down when you need, and then put it back up when you need. Those that understand get it. those that don't.....who cares.

 

[HampshireBoy]

My wife was widowed at the age of 49 and have been married 32 years this year. They went through years trying for kids and tried several rounds of ivf before giving up. After he died she struggled with so many shared memories she had lost a part of herself. She didn't want to be alone but didn't want just sex.

First she rebuilt a social life and we met a few years later, by that time she was ready to love again. Her first husband is not forgotten and we talk about him naturallt and often. You don't get over your loss, you learn to live with it. Take the time to grieve and heal yourself, but don't shut yourself away. Most of all talk about your feelings, us men are crap at that lol. Best of wishes and sorry for your loss.

 

[mickey_d]

Isn’t life strange

My wife passed a little over a year ago. I went through the exact same stuff. Din’ fret, you’re doing what everyone does in the situation. Perfectly normal. Just hang in there and let Ma Nature handle it for ya.

 

[Eightball0091]

My wife passed March of last year leaving me with a 2, 5, 7 yo kids. She was 34.
I am not trying to rub it in your face about my kids. I understand where you are coming from loosing everything.
Believe it or not, find out who runs your local hospice care, they will have GREAT leads on GOOD therpists, not the ones looking to hear you talk and waste your money.
I did that, my kids and I are seeing a therpist that works for hospice, and its the best price there is and it is free.
Beats paying $80 a week to the quack we were seeing.
It takes an average of 7 years to feel like you might want to love again. Don't rush it.
It won't be fair to you or your new squeeze.
Take your time and find stuff to do, but please try to stay away from the alcohol.

 

[Disturbingimage]

Thanks

Thank you to all the men and woman that reached out to me. I was a lil worried i might get trolled for this based on my past posts but glad to see it was all positive and helpful feedback.
It's sad so many of us go through this. I read (in a book!) 8 million people a year suffer an unexpected loss but 8 million out of 7 billion still made me feel alone.
I think i do need to seek some sort of therapy and the common answer seems to be give it time and don't drink.
Well I don't drink cause i know what will happen so no worries on that but i smoke enough pot to make Cheech and Chong be like "damn dude"
Anyways thanks again for the support Lit.
You dirty, naughty, sexual deviants are some good people.