Recently Submitted Story

[OswaldHarry]

http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=195300

Would welcome comments. And votes. All constructive comment welcome.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

Needs work

There is no way I would read all twelve parts of this story. You lost me in the first paragraph. In fact, the first sentence turned me off.

"Katie O'Brien was a successful journalist, fresh from covering the latest Economic Summit in El Jabarah. "

Don't tell us that. Show us that through her actions and dialogue. You also don't need the majority of the first scene. I'd start the story with a naked woman locked out of her hotel. Throw the reader into the middle of the action and let them catch up. I found myself scanning through most of this story trying to find the point of it all.

Also, take out as many adverbs as you can: "suddenly uttery sober" is brutal.

That's my two cents' worth.

flash

 

[OswaldHarry]

Thank you for nothing! This has been the first and last time I post anything here.

 

[Flashlight7.5]

You DID ask

You did ask for criticism. If you want to submit this to a literary magazine or contest, it will need work. I'm not trying to be an @$$, I'm just letting you know the score.

flash