neonflux
Out and about...
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2005
- Posts
- 4,233
Sorry for making this so long but I can't figure out how to shorten it without leaving out some vital info.
FIRST, THE BREAK-UP (14 year monogamous relationship with a woman) occured 6 months ago, we didn't talk for 4 months, are now talking again but this time the relationship is truly over. Happy with the way my life has settled but missing sex (yes, lesbian bed death is real - my partner and I didn't have sex for the last 6 years of our relationship), I decided that I would seek out / establish sexual relationships with people I liked but where the parameters of the relationship were clearly spelled out. Since I'm equally sexually responsive to and have a great fondness for both men and women but am much more wired to fall in love with a woman than a man, and since I think men are generally better at this sort of thing, I decided that initially, I would seek out relationships with men.
NOW THE STORY: Ended up corresponding with a queer-identified man (open in the community) who like me is exactly in the middle of the Kinsey scale in terms of desire, but emotionally wired to fall for tomboys/lesbians. There are other things in his/my sexual make-up that jive but that cannot possibly be fulfilled by a one-time physical encounter. The connection was more intense than anything I've had before - I know the feelings were mutual based on messages, emails, phone conversations - you don't text message someone 3x in one day for two days in a row AFTER you've had sex with them if all you want is one encounter.
He is currently involved in an open partnered relationship with a (except for the group sex thing) very heterosexual woman and I have no desire to cross boundaries there. What I'd hoped for is the kind of intense sexual relationship that after it burns itself out creates such a strong friendship that when you do occasionally see each other, even if it's been 6 months since the last meeting, it feels a little like coming home.
Problem is, I know that our relationship has made him realize how much he misses queer sexual energy, something his SO doesn't have any real understanding of and can't share with him. I may have made the fatal mistake of giving him a reason to run. After he emailed me about this latest turn of events, also saying that the one thing he was sure of was how positively he felt about me, I (sleep deprived from unfulfilled desire) emailed him an invitation to come with me when I got my vertical hood piercing in a way that, to a woman wouldn't mean much, but to a man might make him feel like I was presuming, expecting...
Basically, instead of 2 simple sentences - "I have decided to do this, you're welcome to come along if you want..." I gave detail about my thoughts, etc. Asked him to call me to discuss if he wanted to come. Followed that up with a text message that I was sleepy and going to bed - not because I was upset he hadn't called, but was really, really sleep deprived and didn't want anyone calling while I was asleep (it's actually something I routinely do with friends).
Since that evening, there's been absolute dead silence on his end. I have emailed him twice more - one to simply let him know I was scheduling the appointment in case he wanted to come and had preferences as to date/time, the second telling him where it was and inviting him to come if he wanted.
So, the big questions are:
1) how long should I wait before contacting him again (it's been 5 days now)
2) would it be better to do so via email, by phone, or in person...
Thank you ahead for the feedback!!!
~ Justine
FIRST, THE BREAK-UP (14 year monogamous relationship with a woman) occured 6 months ago, we didn't talk for 4 months, are now talking again but this time the relationship is truly over. Happy with the way my life has settled but missing sex (yes, lesbian bed death is real - my partner and I didn't have sex for the last 6 years of our relationship), I decided that I would seek out / establish sexual relationships with people I liked but where the parameters of the relationship were clearly spelled out. Since I'm equally sexually responsive to and have a great fondness for both men and women but am much more wired to fall in love with a woman than a man, and since I think men are generally better at this sort of thing, I decided that initially, I would seek out relationships with men.
NOW THE STORY: Ended up corresponding with a queer-identified man (open in the community) who like me is exactly in the middle of the Kinsey scale in terms of desire, but emotionally wired to fall for tomboys/lesbians. There are other things in his/my sexual make-up that jive but that cannot possibly be fulfilled by a one-time physical encounter. The connection was more intense than anything I've had before - I know the feelings were mutual based on messages, emails, phone conversations - you don't text message someone 3x in one day for two days in a row AFTER you've had sex with them if all you want is one encounter.
He is currently involved in an open partnered relationship with a (except for the group sex thing) very heterosexual woman and I have no desire to cross boundaries there. What I'd hoped for is the kind of intense sexual relationship that after it burns itself out creates such a strong friendship that when you do occasionally see each other, even if it's been 6 months since the last meeting, it feels a little like coming home.
Problem is, I know that our relationship has made him realize how much he misses queer sexual energy, something his SO doesn't have any real understanding of and can't share with him. I may have made the fatal mistake of giving him a reason to run. After he emailed me about this latest turn of events, also saying that the one thing he was sure of was how positively he felt about me, I (sleep deprived from unfulfilled desire) emailed him an invitation to come with me when I got my vertical hood piercing in a way that, to a woman wouldn't mean much, but to a man might make him feel like I was presuming, expecting...
Basically, instead of 2 simple sentences - "I have decided to do this, you're welcome to come along if you want..." I gave detail about my thoughts, etc. Asked him to call me to discuss if he wanted to come. Followed that up with a text message that I was sleepy and going to bed - not because I was upset he hadn't called, but was really, really sleep deprived and didn't want anyone calling while I was asleep (it's actually something I routinely do with friends).
Since that evening, there's been absolute dead silence on his end. I have emailed him twice more - one to simply let him know I was scheduling the appointment in case he wanted to come and had preferences as to date/time, the second telling him where it was and inviting him to come if he wanted.
So, the big questions are:
1) how long should I wait before contacting him again (it's been 5 days now)
2) would it be better to do so via email, by phone, or in person...
Thank you ahead for the feedback!!!
~ Justine
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