Realizing I’m Mortal

[cheerful_deviant]

Well, the big ‘C’ has come home to roost in the Deviant family. My mother announced to my family on Sunday that she has just been diagnosed with uterine cancer. Luckily it was caught early, Stage 1, and is treatable and as a high success rate at this stage.

I’m still trying to sort out my feelings on this one.

I have been fortunate in my life thus far. At 30 years old, my parents are both still alive and, more amazingly, still married. I even have 3 of 4 grandparents still living and the one grandfather that passed, died when I was young so I don’t remember to much. So thus far, the specter of death hasn’t come close to me often. I actually haven’t had to attend a funeral in probably 8 or 10 years.

But in the last two months, I have watched as my father went thru a serious infection in his spine, that very easily could have been, at the very least permanently debilitating, or worse, lethal. Now, my mother has cancer. It never rains, and all that.

So where is all this rambling going? To be honest, I really don’t know. I guess what it all boils down to is that up until this time, I’ve never really given much of a thought to getting old, it was something that happened to other people. My parents were still healthy and happy, my grandparents were even the same.

But lately I notice more and more how my parents are aging and especially my grandparents. These people who, when I was younger, always seemed so strong and enduring and now seem so frail and…. well…. mortal. And I can’t help but think, ‘someday I’m going to loose them’. This is often followed up by, ‘Someday, I’ll look like that’.

Not that I think I’m old now. I still don’t feel old and I don’t think I look it yet. I think possibly I’m just becoming more conscious of the relentless passage of time and it’s effects. It makes every moment seem all that much more precious. And it makes every moment spent doing pointless, menial tasks seem all that much more of a waste.

So where does this all leave me? Not really sure. Why am I telling you all of this for no apparent reason? Don’t know the answer to that either. I just had to put it down somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

Maybe it’s just a long drawn out way of reminding you all to live the moment and enjoy the sunshine, you never know when the rain may start.

CD

 

[Guest]

. . . So where does this all leave me? Not really sure. Why am I telling you all of this for no apparent reason? Don’t know the answer to that either. I just had to put it down somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

Maybe it’s just a long drawn out way of reminding you all to live the moment and enjoy the sunshine, you never know when the rain my start.

CD

Truer words were never spoken.

for you and your family.

 

[impressive]

And there can be joy in rain, too.

 

[English Lady]

*hugs*

Cheerful, sometimes life hits you like that, so enjoy the sunshine love, and Know that if you need to ramble on at any time, my PM box is always open ok?


*more hugs*

 

[AppleBiter]

My heart goes out to you and yours.

 

[Guest]

 

[SensualCealy]

CD,
My prayers to out to your mom and to you to give her strength as she needs it.

My Dad is in his 77th year and everyday scares me when I think of him anymore. I worry that the next phone call will be my mom calling to tell me it is time. Now his mom passed at 88 so he may have a few more years ahead of him, but both siblings on either side passed at much younger ages.

I dont want people to hate me for what Im about to type but... I am almost relieved that my Inlaws are getting up there in age and I wont have to deal with them much longer. They have never been open with my husband, feeling that he doesnt need to be burdened with their troubles. Well it would be nice to know what is going on so that we could atleast be prepared if something to a turn for the worse.
My mom in law has alzheimers, she is on medication yet still drinks wine most of the day. My daughter being concerned and just finished taking stuff in school about how drugs affect the brain, pointed out that the wine she is drinking can cause her brain cells to deminish quicker that what they would naturally. Her Grandpa quickly pointed out, nothing much can hurt her now, things wont get better- NICE GUY EH?

To CD and anyone else that needs one {hugs} for every upsetting thought!
C

 

[mlady_france]

Ducky, you are very fortunite to not have had to experence a great deal of death. In the past 3 years I have attended 14 funurals, 12 of them in one year. It's not something I would like to live again.

The first one was my step father, who died from prostate cancer. Okay he died from malnutrition and dehydration, but that was a result of the cancer. He lived for 15 years with it, and didn't really show how sick he really was until the last 6 months. The great thing about that situtaion, was that after he died, the doctor told us he should not have lived 3 months after his first visit. And he lived 15 years! That was just long enough for him to watch "his kids" grow up. After the doctor told us that, I realized that there is no need to think about growing old, and death. Just live for today, because there is so much you could miss if you don't.

I did battle with my own thoughts of mortality as those I loved around me died off one by one. I'm not going to live forever, so I'm going to enjoy what time I have. And I hope the same for you.

 

[Samandiriel]

My dearest duckman,

May you find the strength at this time to carry on with life and live it.

Sometimes Death doesn't just come knocking, sometimes it comes inside and takes a seat on the sofa. It greets us daily though we never really notice until it effects us personally.

What it does do is remind us of what is worth living for and that Death is only part of the cycle, it's how you live that cycle is what matters.
It reminds us to be kind, to stop and look at all around us and be in awe of it all. It reminds us that inspite of all the evil around us that there is love and compassion.
It makes us treasure the moment, hold someone's hand and see the person behind the face of a stranger.
and yes, it makes us realize our own mortality.

At this time you can be comforted in knowing you have been given the chance to express all that is inside you without the regret of unfinished business and the "I wish I had's".
So go ahead and be yourself and live....be silly, be loud, be at peace.

Sam.

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

CD,
drink in the pain, the suffering, the doubt...it makes you human. With every bit we learn... we become PART of humanity.

LOST love...

even having the flu....you gain an understanding. You know to hold a cool damp cloth to your child's forehead..while rubbing their back.


If only we could all experience childbirth.

to have and then to lose.

to wish for..to long for.


if everything was sweet we would not appreciate dessert.
If we had no winter we would be numb to spring.


TALK to your parents...and everyone.

I love what you said, Rhino; it echoed my sentiments exactly.

*HUGS* CD. Much love to you and your family.

 

[oggbashan]

At my age there are more funerals than weddings to attend.

My father got to an age (96) when all his contemporaries had died before him. He found that very hard to bear because there was no one to whom he could say 'Do you remember when?" or "Do you remember so and so?".

The hardest thing for him and perhaps anyone is having a child predecease you. My sister died of polio when she was 12 years old. That was 55 years ago. Now only a few of us remember her and none of us had the same memories as her father had - her first words, her first step...

She was the bright one of the family who made my brother and I feel stupid, not because she put us down, but because her brain worked faster and better than ours. To us, she seemed to be a different species, perhaps homo superior. She had won the only scholarship on offer to a fee-paying school by outperforming hundreds of other entrants. She became ill five weeks after starting at that school and died within ten days. 55 years on I still miss my big sister. My brother misses his little sister. I know my father and mother never thought their family was whole without her.

While we remember, she still lives for us. When we are gone?

Enjoy your relations while they are here. Remember them when they are gone - for the good things about them. Death comes to us all and all of ours. While we remember them they are not gone, just waiting for us to follow.

Og

 

[minsue]

Oh, Ducky.

Live, CD, and love. It's all we can do and all that's worth doing.

Much love to you.

 

[SeaCat]

CD,

You have received a lot of encouragement here and I wish to add to it. I also want to give you a couple of hints for helping yourself and your mother through her ordeal.

I don't know her case or what the treatment is going to be but I can make some general guesses. I can guess she is going to be undergoing Chemotherapy. Don't sweat it, it's not as bad as it used to be. It is not a walk in the park though and she is going to need your support. Make sure that you are there for her. She is going to get sick, expect it. She is also going to be cranky as hell, expect that as well. You just have to remember she doesn't feel at all well and has a hell of a lot on her mind. If you can remember this and forgive her being cranky then you're golden. (All four times my mother went through Chemo she turned into Satan in Skirts.)

She may lose her hair from the Chemo. Now to you and me that's not a big deal. Hell to a lot of women it wouldn't be a big deal, but add this to the other Psychological factors your mother will be dealing with and it can be a mind blower. Her hair will grow back and it is usually thicker.

Food- Your mother will have to eat. She will not want to. All food will taste like shit from the Chemo. Combine that with the fact she feels like shit and it's an uphill battle. Remind her why she has to eat. Do NOT give her those foods she absolutely loves! I don't care if it's Chocolate. The Chemo. changes the way the patient tastes the foods. She will look forward to eating her favorites and find they no longer taste good. Very disheartening. (Her taste will go back to normal soon after the Chemo is done.)

The second most important piece of advice I can give you is Do NOT let her get depressed. This is a big killer. Too often I watch a person get depressed and give up even though they will get better. This is one of the reasons it is so important for you and your other family members to be involved in her treatment.

The most important piece of advice I can give you? Take care of yourself! You do your mother, yourself, or the rest of your family a Damn bit of good if you let yourself get run down and sick.

You are in our thoughts CD. Take care of her and yourself. Be strong, and as the song says "Live as if you were Dying."

Cat

 

[maggot420]

you are not as mortal as you think...

good thoughts and good health to you and those you love.

 

[McKenna]

CD, I mean this in all seriousness: Hug your mother.

My father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer in February of this year. He passed away April 29th. He was 51. When I saw him in December, I never would have guessed it would be the last time.

You remind me of my husband in that he is only 31; prior to his father's death, he had never lost anyone in his family (that he rememembered.) All four of his grandparents are still living. I, on the other hand, have lost more family members than I care to count, including my dear, sweet brother only 2 1/2 years ago, (he was 28.)

It's difficult not to insert some inane platitude in here, words that will netiher comfort or offer hope -so I won't. Please know, however, you're in my thoughts. What you're experiencing resonates within me; I empathize with you.

 

[BlackShanglan]

CD, my prayers and best wishes to your mother. It sounds like good news on the timing and a good prognosis for treatment. I wish her swift, effective treatment and a speedy recovery.

The SO and I went through a round of this last year when SO's father was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus. Up until that news we'd been quite worried that the SO was about to be laid off. Suddenly and with remarkable clarity we were reminded how utterly insignificant that issue was. But all came well in the end - the SO is still with the company, and the SO's father came through with flying colors and continues to clear his check-ups. We're just back from visiting him. I wish you the same joy, relief, and happiness we felt ourselves.

Shanglan

 

[TJChurch]

Anytime I see a thread on mortality, I feel the need to respond.

First off, CD, my thoughts & prayers are with you as well, though you'll notice I'm new to the boards, so I haven't gotten to know too many of the folks here very well.

My parents are both still living, as is 1 grandparent. The person "realizing their mortality" in my family is me personally.

1) I was born with hydrocephalus, aka "water on the brain". I have a shunt/pump to keep it under control, but if NE1 knows what a CT scan is, I've had about 100 of those, which works out to about 5 a year.

2) I was diagnosed with an enlarged aorta when I was a Freshman in high school, in addition to "on-again, off-again" reports of anemia & Marfan's Syndrome. (Even I'm not sure what that is.)

3) I didn't go to college when I graduated high school in '01, because 3 weeks later, I was told I had Type 1 diabetes. During early situations with that, I was put on Paxil, & told it was "in place of" my insulins. (Since then, I've learned it has nothing to do with diabetes, & wasn't approved for my age group by the USFDA.)

4) With my blood sugars under control, I still didn't gain weight, so they put me in surgery for a pump to give me TPN, to help with nutrition. The port got a staph infection less than a month later, & needed another surgery to be removed.

5) On June 28 of this month, I will mark 4 years since my diabetic diagnosis. But less than a week prior, I will be having surgery to clear a blocked kidney, which may be "congenital"/I may've had a long time, but was only discovered in February.

Again, my thoughts & prayers are with you, since I (more than NE1 in my family) know how bad "realizing mortality" is.

 

[Lisa Denton]

Sorry to hear Duckie, the big C hit my family also, but sis is in remission and good.



But I wouldn't be me if I didn't try to leave you with a smile:

"Are you sure you are realizin you are a mortal duck?"

 

[Shadowskill Knight]

My thoughts are with you CD

 

[Belegon]

Thinkin' of ya CD...

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Unfortunatly, I started this thread, then had to abandon it last night before anyone replied, aaaahhh, the inconvienences of real life.

I thank you all for your heartfelt warm wishes. They truly warmed me this morning, I really needed the pick me up today.

Thankfully, the doctors think that at this point my mother won't be needing chemo, they think they can get it by just removing everything. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

What makes this all that much more complicated is that my mother already suffers from, and is on medication for, depression. Lately the depression has been under control and she has been doing very well, I don't yet know what this will do to her spirits. Time will tell.

if everything was sweet we would not appreciate dessert.

Rhino, I love this. It's so true.


Ogg, your father was fortunate to have such a long life, but as you said, then later years must have been very diffacult as he gradually outlived all his friends. And can't imagine anything more painfull than being a parent and having to watch one of your children pass. It's hard to say what kind of mark anyone who died so young could leave on the world. I am comforted to know that when I'm gone, that my children will live on and remember me. But when a child dies, they line dies with them. But she lives on in your memory and has in some way contributed th who you are. You influence who your children area and so she has in some way lived on in them as well.

Cat, like I say above, hopefiully no chemo, but I thank you for the advice. And as to that song, believe it or not I heard it on my ride home last night and I almost started crying.

And to the rest of my extended Lit familly, thank you.

CD

 

[English Lady]

take care CD, You know where we all are if you need us