Reality Check

[SweetMerry]

I started a new story a few days ago, and I wanted to know if anyone would be ok with taking a look at the first 600 words or so. The last writing I did was nearly ten years ago, for freshman English, so I'm feeling a little unsure if I'm going in the right direction. Am I too wordy? Are my sentences too long? Does this put you to sleep, or do you want to know what happens next? That sort of thing.

The story is about a massage therapist who is attracted to a client of hers. She's torn, as her business reputation is very important to her, but she can't get him out of her head, yadda yadda. I'm leaning towards romance with this, with fairly good character development, internal turmoil for both of the main characters, and a final steamy sex scene.

But, right now I just want a reality check...Is it good? Or should I go in a different direction?

 

[adetaildiva]

I started a new story a few days ago, and I wanted to know if anyone would be ok with taking a look at the first 600 words or so. The last writing I did was nearly ten years ago, for freshman English, so I'm feeling a little unsure if I'm going in the right direction. Am I too wordy? Are my sentences too long? Does this put you to sleep, or do you want to know what happens next? That sort of thing.

The story is about a massage therapist who is attracted to a client of hers. She's torn, as her business reputation is very important to her, but she can't get him out of her head, yadda yadda. I'm leaning towards romance with this, with fairly good character development, internal turmoil for both of the main characters, and a final steamy sex scene.

But, right now I just want a reality check...Is it good? Or should I go in a different direction?

If all you want is a "check", I'll be glad to help. I'll PM you.

 

[SweetMerry]

If all you want is a "check", I'll be glad to help. I'll PM you.

Thanks muchly...I just e-mailed you.

 

[snooper]

Also in need of a check.

If all you want is a "check", I'll be glad to help. ...

Would you help me out as well please? $100 will be enough for now and please make the check out to "Bearer".