Realitively new here, just looking for some feedback.

[Your_Imagination]

Hello everyone. I have submitted three of my writings and just looking for feedback on one of them.

Would love any constructive criticism you can provide.

I wrote this over a year ago, mainly because I was fantasizing about a friend that lives next door. It is a work of fiction of course and she and I are really just friends.

Open Door

Thanks for your time and your comments.

 

[sethp]

Hello everyone. I have submitted three of my writings and just looking for feedback on one of them.

Would love any constructive criticism you can provide.

I wrote this over a year ago, mainly because I was fantasizing about a friend that lives next door. It is a work of fiction of course and she and I are really just friends.

Open Door

Thanks for your time and your comments.

I though it was good. especially the begining. Just the right ammount of build up and sexual frustration. Keep up the good work.

 

[HornyHenry]

I liked the idea of the story

very much, so I read it. I had trouble concentrating right from the start.
Here are the first two lines:
He was lying in a room, high ceilings and a thick carpet. Circumstances unbeknownst to him at the time had brought him here and his friend was most kind to give him a place to crash for the night.

He was lying in a room with high ceilings and a thick carpet? lying on the carpet?
And circumstances unbeknownst to him at the time? Huh? And you never told us about them.

So, with all the many gramatical errors, especially comma usage, and tense errors, it was hard to follow.
Tense: She open ...and step... s/b she opened the door and stepped into the room.
Commas: many should be periods, and some were in the wrong place or missing from the right places.

I only bother because you asked for input and I thought the story was good and hot. Please get an editor or re-read your stories a couple of times before submitting and they will be better recieved, I'm sure.
I wrote a true next door neighbor story one time about a summer that is still dear in my memory. If you want to read it, PM me.
Cheers, and keep it up!