real love or not?

[sinnamongyrl]

ok,,,,,i have a question.If a man tells you he loves you and you KNOW he is a player,,,,,and you also find out(although he does NOT KNOW YOU KNOW) that he has lied about small stupid things,,,would you believe that he loved you?My friend 's boyfriend is telling her he loves her and wants them to be exclusive,,,,,BUT has lied about where he was at a certain time,,,,,,,etc,,I think he is full of shit.Maybe I am going on his past(always cheated everytime on every other girl),,,,,,,,,BUT i dont know if that fair of me...ya know?also i dont think monagomy is a realistic expectation,,,,(unless you met THAT love of your life then maybe so),,,,,I just dont wanna ve all jaded and tell her YES I THINK HE IS (cuz she will go with what i say),,,,,,,maybe i should just plead the 5th on this one....also,,,,a bit more to his lies,(will add later if i need to)

 

[HollyHawkk]

unless you have photo evidence, I would just stay out of their relationship. Just concentrate on being the best friend you can be to her. Just be supportive no matter what happens.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

yeah i agree,,,i dont have proof,,,,,she is just in soo much pain right now,,,i think she kinda thinks he is and is afraid to admit it,,,,,,

 

[~ Kit ~]

That is such an awful place to be isn't it? I agree with Holly on this. Obviously it's difficult for you to have an unbaised view and without proof you'd be putting your friendship on the line.

I'd keep my eyes open and be supportive of your friend. I hope things work out well.

 

[tolyk]

Have they slept together? Some guys tell a woman he loves her to get her in bed. It's detestable, but often works.

If that isn't it, it's probably not just a line..

 

[SecretScribe]

ok,,,,,i have a question.If a man tells you he loves you and you KNOW he is a player,,,,,and you also find out(although he does NOT KNOW YOU KNOW) that he has lied about small stupid things,,,would you believe that he loved you?My friend 's boyfriend is telling her he loves her and wants them to be exclusive,,,,,BUT has lied about where he was at a certain time,,,,,,,etc,,I think he is full of shit.Maybe I am going on his past(always cheated everytime on every other girl),,,,,,,,,BUT i dont know if that fair of me...ya know?also i dont think monagomy is a realistic expectation,,,,(unless you met THAT love of your life then maybe so),,,,,I just dont wanna ve all jaded and tell her YES I THINK HE IS (cuz she will go with what i say),,,,,,,maybe i should just plead the 5th on this one....also,,,,a bit more to his lies,(will add later if i need to)

Well, it's apparent that you know quite a bit about this gentleman's past ... what you don't say is how much of this background your friend knows. Your friend has come to you for advice (at least that seems to be what you have said). No doubt this is a hard place to be in. If your friend knows the same general background about this person as you do (i.e. that he is a player and has not had a history of of being serious in his relationships), then I think that as her friend you should call a spade a spade and remind her of his past reputation.

Now if she does not know his background, it's far more touchy and I can see the argument for pleading the 5th ... but I still think that as a real friend, as someone who does know something of his background (even though you may know nothing specific about this particular relationship), advocating a course of caution and of taking extra time for her to get to know him better would be advice that you could feel good with as having done a service to your friend without going into any specifics about what you know or may know.

The little you have presented does seem to indicate a potential for your friend to be emotionally used / abused and I don't think taking extra time to evaluate this "player" would serve your friend badly.

just my 2 cents ...

 

[luv1]

You can voice your opinion but you can't tell her how to deal with the relationship as it is their's and for all you know he could really love her. Still don't mean he wont cheat, lie ect. But until he does something to her that you know all else is just speculation.

 

[sinnamongyrl]

just an update,,,,she(Jessica) called me late last night/early this morning hysterical,,,SHE CAUGHT HIM....i feel so bad for her.I know she let her heart go to this guy,,,,anyway,,thats all.She caught him butt naked,dick out, on the couch with some girl suckinh him off,AND NO Jesscia does NOT believe"eatin' aint cheatin'..",,,thanks guys for all your input,I hope everyone is doing ok today,,,,,