Readers’ perspective of first short story (1 page) wanted! Any feedback appreciated :)

[NourInDarkness]

After enjoying many a story here on lirotica, I decided to try writing one. As it’s my first story, it’s quite short (just one page). So there’s no real character build up, but I wanted to see if I could describe a hot scene unfolding. You can read it here:

What would you want to do with me?

“You unclasp my bra and take in my uncovered full boobs - cupping them and softly sucking on each of my nipples. In the meantime, I feel myself getting wetter, my pussy begging for it to be touched by you. But you take your time, kissing my boobs, pinching the nipples with your fingers, and sliding your hands along my waist and hips to squeeze my ass. My round ass, which has been perched on top of your erection.”

It’s a woman texting a man she met at a bar how she’d imagine their first time together. I would appreciate any feedback! I’d love to hear the readers’ experience. So if you’ve read the whole story, please do let me know… Is the paragraph length suitable? Are the descriptions engaging? Can you easily follow the acts?

I’m in the process of writing a longer piece. So, if any writers have tips on how to go from writing a one pager to publishing a longer story, I’d also be happy to hear

Thank you for any and all help!

x Nour