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    Votes: 2 28.6%
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Quinn_76

Virgin
Joined
Nov 12, 2002
Posts
8
“I know you’re hot for her. I see you panting after her when you think I’m not looking, you bastard.”
Quinn could hear her mother, Julie, yelling at her stepfather all the way from her bedroom up the stairs. She sighed and hugged her pillow closer to her head. They seemed to be having the same argument more and more often of late. Things had been weird ever since her mom had married Geoff two years ago.
Quinn had been 16 when Jeff moved in and it had truly been lust at first sight. Geoff was six-foot two and was built like a quarterback. His arms, legs and abs were sleekly muscled without being grotesque. She loved the way his longish brown hair would often fall into his eyes and she had to fight the urge to brush it away for him. She also noticed the way he looked at her.
Although she had often felt ashamed of her overly developed body around the boys at school, the way Geoff looked at her made her feel grown up and sexy. She was five foot seven and was slender, but still curvy with her 34C breasts. She had long curly red hair that reached the middle of her back and big brown eyes. She had always been embarrassed of her multitude of freckles, but when Geoff told her they looked like cinnamon sprinkles on a tasty treat, they didn’t bother her anymore.
Geoff always made her feel beautiful and sexy. When she was younger she didn’t understand why when he was around her panties got wet and she felt the need to rub her pillow between her legs at night after he tucked her in. Now that she was older, she knew she what she wanted from her stepfather.
About a week ago she had woken up in the middle of night to the sound of her mother moaning. Creeping from her bedroom, she had carefully made her way down the hall to her parent’s room. The door was open just enough for her peek inside. The scene she found had been fuel for her masturbation fantasies ever since.
Her mother was on her back with her legs in the air propped up on Geoff’s shoulders. Between her mother’s legs, Quinn could see Geoff’s enormous shaft plunging in and out. Julie’s face contorted in a mask of pain and pleasure.
“Oh God, Geoff, fuck me harder! Harder! Unghhhhhhhh!” Her mother’s hands grasped Geoff’s ass, urging him deeper and deeper and digging her nails into his firm cheeks.
Quinn’s hand found it’s way under her pink baby doll nightie and into her panties where she began rubbing furiously. She imagined it was her pussy being stretched the way her mother’s was by Geoff’s huge cock. Her little pussy was soaked with her juices and slid across her clit rapidly. Quinn could feel the tremors starting in her legs as she began to come. Her breath came in little pants as she worked her clit faster and faster, keeping pace with the rapid thrusting between her mother’s legs. Luckily Quinn came just as her mother did, Julie’s scream drowning out Quinn’s whimpers. Geoff gave one last thrust and groaned as he came inside her mother. He paused for a moment then turned and looked directly at Quinn in the narrow doorway. Quinn felt like a rabbit in the headlights. Her stepfather looked down at her hand still tucked in her panties and gave her a slow smile. Geoff pulled his still-hard cock out of Julie and gave it a few long strokes, all while keeping eye contact with Quinn. Quinn felt another gush of hot liquid from her pussy drench her hand as she looked at his cock. She wondered what it would taste like and if she could fit it all in her mouth.
Quickly Quinn wiped her hand on her nightie and ran back to her room. Her mother had never seen her and Geoff had never spoken of the event, but it haunted Quinn’s dreams nightly.

The next morning, Quinn changed into her Varsity cheerleader uniform and bounced down the stairs. Geoff was in the kitchen in his boxers eating a bowl of cereal and reading the newspaper.
“Good morning, daddy,” Quinn said, stealing a spoonful of his cereal and giving it an extra long lick before placing it back in the bowl. Geoff smiled and eyed her short skirt appreciatively.
“Good morning, Princess.” Geoff replied. Quinn opened the refrigerator and bent over to grab an apple, giving him a good view of her small round behind. As she stood up and spotted the growing erection in his shorts, she had to hide her smile behind the fruit. I know I could make daddy feel better than mom does. He wants me more than he wants her and that’s why she yells at him all the time.
Quinn laughed and pushed the newspaper out of the way, settling herself in Geoff’s lap with a little wiggle. She continued to giggle and squirm, enjoying the feel of his hard cock snuggled against her ass. Suddenly Geoff lifted her out of his lap and stood, hiding his erection with the newspaper.
“Don’t you have to get to school?” He asked, clearing his throat nervously. “Princess, it’s not really appropriate for you to sit in my lap now. After all, you’re 18 years old and almost a grown woman.”
Quinn frowned and pouted a moment before giving him a quick peck on the cheek and bounding out the door to school.

All day long Quinn obsessed about her stepfather and the sweet feeling she’d had between her legs as she’d wiggled on his lap that morning. By lunch her panties were so drenched she had to exchange them for the extra pair she kept with her gym clothes. Her nipples were so tight and sensitive that even Mr. Conrad, her old bald science teacher, had licked his lips and asked her if she was cold.
By the time school and cheerleading practice were over, Quinn was in desperate need of some sexual tension release. She figured Geoff and her mother would be at work and she would have the house all to herself. She raced up the stairs to her bedroom and tore off her panties, plunging her fingers into her pussy.
“Oh oh oh, Daddy, mmmmmmmm, fuck me, oh god, put your dick in me, unghhhhh!” She rubbed her clit frantically, squeezing and tugging on her nipples with her other hand. Her hand was soaked with her juices as she thrust two fingers into her virgin hole. “Mmmmm mmmm oh please daddy…”
Suddenly Quinn heard her bedroom door squeak open and she stopped. Her breath came in short bursts and she was moments away from coming. Geoff stood in her doorway staring at her as though he was a dying man in the desert and she was his oasis.
“Please, daddy, please fuck me. My pussy is so wet for you,” Quinn moaned and resumed her strokes.
Geoff moved like a man in a trance towards the bed. Then suddenly he was there between her legs, pushing her hand away. His soft tongue replaced her fingers, driving her wild as it stroked her clit. He sucked her little clit into his mouth and laved it with his tongue. Quinn cried out at these new and intense sensations.
“Come for me, Princess. I want to taste your juices,” he murmured against her.
“Oh please, daddy, lick me! Make me come for you… make me your whore. Lick me harder, harder, faster. Oh god just like that… right there… I’m coming! Lick me, daddy, lick me!”
Quinn started to come, thrashing her head form side to side and lifting her slim hips even closer to his mouth. She felt the warm liquid pour from between her legs and Geoff lapped up every drop. She came again and again as he licked and sucked her clit.
Finally, Geoff stopped and stood to remove his clothes. Quinn licked her lips in anticipation and reached eagerly for his cock.
“Come here, daddy, I want to taste your big dick.” She crawled to the edge of the bed and wrapped her small hand around him, her fingers barely long enough to wrap around him. Quinn pulled him towards her and her pink tongue slipped out to have a taste. Taking Geoff’s groan as encouragement, Quinn slid her mouth over his cock and took in as much as she could. Sucking on the crown, she lapped at it like a lollipop and reached in to stroke his sack with her other hand.
“Princess…,” Geoff groaned as he began thrusting into her mouth. Quinn slid her mouth up and down his shaft, running her tongue all around the edge of the head.
Abruptly Geoff pulled out of her mouth and slid down her body to settle between her legs. “I’m not wasting my come on your mouth, Princess.”
With a single thrust, Geoff pushed inside, startled by her cry of pain. “Oh god baby, I didn’t know you were a virgin. I’m so sorry… but I can’t stop… you are so sweet and… god you are so tight….” Uncontrollably he thrust inside her, kissing away her tears.
At first Quinn was overcome by the sharp pain, but then her body began to accommodate his large cock and she started to enjoy the feeling of being stretched and filled. Her pussy was wet enough provide all the lubrication needed. She felt herself begin to come again.
“Daddy, fuck me… oh please harder… your big cock feels so good inside me… oh please come inside me! I want to feel you come inside me. Oh you feel so good… Oh please fuck me, daddy! Fill me up with your come!” Quinn pumped her hips back at his, pulling his cock deeper and deeper inside her. Her head tossed form side to side as she urged him on.
“Oh god, baby, you are so tight. I’m going to come so deep inside you… oh baby, yeah you feel so good…” With a final groan Geoff came inside her.
The hot rush of sperm filled her overflowing and sent her over the edge as she came. She could still feel the tremors echoing in her pussy as he collapsed on top of her.
“Oh Princess, what have we done?” Geoff sighed as he pulled out of her.
Quinn smiled to herself as she stroked him into readiness again. “We’ve only done it once, daddy. Let’s do it again.”
Geoff smiled back and after a glance at the clock to make sure Julie wouldn’t be home any time soon, he preceded to fuck his stepdaughter again.
:kiss:
 
Okay... I find myself in quite a difficult situation here, because I want to tell you exactly what I think, but I don't want to squish your creativity so bad you give up writing.

First of all, the good things. There aren't any blatant spelling or grammatical errors that make it difficult to read, though it would be a bit easier to read if there was an empty line between each paragraph. There were also some nice descriptions.

Now the not so good.

Incest, in all forms, has absolutely been done to death. As such, I avoid reading it.

Obviously you're new at writing erotica. A few of the things you used in this story should be avoided at all costs, mostly because they're cliche's that only hacks use with any regularity. There were a couple other things that I really hate to see in any kind of story -erotic or not.

Geoff stood in her doorway staring at her as though he was a dying man in the desert and she was his oasis.

I'm sorry, but I think this line really, really sucks. Hard. I wouldn't write something like this if somebody had a gun to my head. It sounds like something a 14 year old valley girl would write in her diary.

The teasing is also a bit much. It just... doesn't work for me at all. A teenage girl flirting with her father is just so unrealistic and cliche' that it automatically makes me think of the writer as either 14 years old or a complete and total hack.

Overall... this isn't a bad story; it could be a lot worse. But it could be a lot better too.

In the future, avoid using the cliche's that have been used umpteen billion times in erotic stories. Do your damndest to write something original. And most of all, keep writing. Everybody here had to start somewhere, and most of us started by writing things like this. You show some good potential, and you could be really good someday if you back off the cliche's and 'valley girl diary' kinda stuff (these do have a very occasional use to a serious writer, but avoid them for now).

Keep at it, and don't let negative feedback (yeah, more or less like mine) deter you from writing more.
 
Comment

I don't like incest myself unless it's truly exceptional, so maybe I should recuse myself at the start, because no matter how hot the sex is, it's just not going to do it for me.

But my big criteria for erotica is: what are you going to show me that I haven't already seen? what are you going to tell me that I don't already know? what is it that makes your story different or better than all the others?
There's got to be something, otherwise why should I read it if I've seen it all before? So just writing down a favorite fantasy isn't enough.

But as a first go it's not bad at all. I've seen plenty a lot worse. Find a hook or original angle and go for it.

---dr.M.

PS Sorry I couldn't use your rating choices. Doesn't seem fair nor very helpful to you.
 
Nice advice there from dr_mabeuse and Star of Penumbra. I'd like to add something about your characters. To me, they didn't seem real.

Quinn_76 said:
[BGeoff always made her feel beautiful and sexy. When she was younger she didn’t understand why when he was around her panties got wet and she felt the need to rub her pillow between her legs at night after he tucked her in. Now that she was older, she knew she what she wanted from her stepfather.[/B]


A sixteen year old girl doesn't know why her panties get wet when she's around her step-father? Not likely.

And why was the step-father so reluctant and proper with her? He just didn't seem like that kind of a guy. You need to tell us what's going through his mind.

The only character I liked was the mother (and she was secondary). The dialogue and the paragraph following it made her come alive to me. That was good. :)

You need to spend time with your writing and I'm sure you can improve. Keep writing. :)
 
Thank you!

Well, I've been reading erotica (online and books) for a long time, but I've also been reading cheesy romance novels for just as long. I think I'm still stuck in that cheesy cliche mind set. I might try my hand again at erotica some day, but, honestly, I wasn't very impressed with my work either. Thanks for the constructive criticism and I will keep it in mind next time!
 
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