Rate my stories, please... surprise -- they have sex!!

[reddelicious]

Hey all

I've broken my literotica cherry, and would like a little feedback on my performance! Feel free to message me or email me, and I'd love to hear what you think!

They're called:

The First Taste
The Second Taste
(and surprisingly)
The Third Taste

Hope you enjoy, and more importantly, hope you reply!

Thanks,

reddelicious

If you're wet or hard, my job is done.

 

[jon.hayworth]

Reddelicious

Can I suggest that you take a look at Laurel's Sticky and include Links to your stories.

That way people will be far more inclined to give feedback.

jon

 

[reddelicious]

Ooopsy -- sorry for violating protocal!

Apologies all -- I always knew I was a bad girl.

The story names are above, and here's the link to the first one:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=44917

If you like it, try the others. The first set are in Erotic Couplings.

Hope you enjoy!

Reddelicious

 

[SexyChele]

Reddelicious,
I've read through your first story, and I have to say that I think it is well written. It is playful and sexy, and I will certainly be looking at the other two stories as well. You evidently put quite a bit of work into this first story, and it shows. Not sure if you used an editor or not, but there was a polished feel about it.

The only thing I would caution about is to keep an eye on tense and spelling. (This is my biggest downfall, too, so I can give self-criticism as well!) There were a couple of times you left words out - heck I think we all do that, and I'm notorious for it! But, hey, if that's all some one can come up with, consider yourself lucky!

Very good effort, and I look forward to reading more!

 

[reddelicious]

Thanks

Thanks for the feedback -- no editor yet, but I should get one if I'm going to continue writing these at three in the morning! I'm an English major -- or was anyway -- so that might help as well.

I hope you enjoyed!

reddelicious

 

[jon.hayworth]

Reddelicious,

Thank you for the link, I enjoyed the story. A little bit of tense slipping and at least one convuluted sentence - I am equally guilty of that.

Structurally it cut quickly to the action, yet gave enough detail that an image of the protagonists was established. The ending was fine too.

A hint I have just picked up, try taping yourself reading the story out loud. It will help you pick up those errors.

jon

 

[Miltone]

Great start

It's great to see new authors starting to write and submit! Looks like you've got the basic mechanics down pretty well. If anything, I would suggest that you consider adding more in terms of plot and character development. I'm not talking about Dickens or Tolstoy here, mind you. It may be enough to make the reader get wet or hard, but it's also nice to give them something to think about after things go dry and soft.

 

[Justin_Thyme]

reddelicious...
As I said on the feedback form, I really enjoyed the stories. Had so much fun reading them I somehow missed some of the items others have mentioned...something I don't often do - with the work of others.
As has been mentioned, I, too, get thinking faster than I can type and tend to leave out words. I try to use spellcheck and it generally catches misspelled words. Fails miserably with words that are spelled correctly - but are missused by yours truly however.
Whatever, I did enjoy the stories - in spite of the flaws I didn't notice.
Justin

 

[medjay]

As a general rule I don't encourage writers to make stories longer but the first entry of the series could have stood to be a little more leasurely getting to the action. A little bit more of a tease, you know? That's not to say the character development was lacking, I just think it would have worked even better if it were just a bit more playful. Maybe more dialogue and interaction at the dinner table.

The subsequent chapters fell into a nice rhythm and they were fun to read. Sexy and light-hearted with likeable characters.

 

[ladyphoenix]

red,
Hey, I liked your stuff very much. For the most part, clean, clear. Well descripted and very sexy. I look forward to reading more!

 

[damppanties]

good ones

I read two of the stories. The palyful nature of the female was too good. I liked the second one better, especially the station scene. Keep it up!

-DP.