Rape

[AbsolutLolita]

What is it about rape?

Lately I can't stop having fantasies about my lover raping me. My best friend thinks it's about control... anyone else have a clue?

I just REALLY want him to grab me by surprise and fuck me with no reguard, and the more it hurts the better.

To me this doesn't sound anywhere near healthy. My lover and I have a fantastic loving, trusting, and respectful relationship... he would NEVER hurt me in anyway... why do I want this so badly? Anyone else ever had this?

 

[rambling man]

fantasies dont mean you really want the real thing to happen..dont worry, lots of people have thoughts about things theyd never dream of doing, like pickig up a prostitute, or being a prostitute...don't worry, you're cool!

 

[curvacious]

fantasies dont mean you really want the real thing to happen..dont worry, lots of people have thoughts about things theyd never dream of doing, like pickig up a prostitute, or being a prostitute...don't worry, you're cool!

Agreed! Fantasies and reality are two different things.
Your fantasy may mean several different things. Maybe you're wanting spontenaety, to give up some control, to not have to initiate a sexual encounter, etc...

 

[rambling man]

you're cool, even if you don't liek renee zellweger....now id love for HER to rape me

 

[Guest]

Nothing wrong with wanting your lover to rape you. After all, it would in a way be consensual rape - you want it to happen, he would never kill you or actually hurt you (bad anyway, bruises may happen!).

Now, if you start walking down dark alleys naked, I would worry and get help

 

[Julian]

fantasy & reality

I think you're just hoping to fill a void in the Taboo, the idea of violation, with your lover. You can trust your lover; there's safety and assurance. All you have is a curiousity, like some people have with BD/SM or the Same-Sex...

Some social theorist invoke the idea that if a woman wants to be raped, she is living out a perverse fantasy. No! Rape (by an unknown) is a act of violence, and should NEVER be condoned. A Rape-Fantasy is just that...a Fantasy...a moment of sheer abandon and adrenalin. Nothing less, nothing more, except for the bruises and the orgasms you'll achieve.

If your lover has no objections, try it out one night. You might like it more than you can imagine.

 

[Mickie]

Amateur psychologist here

Perhaps this might not be a control issue the way you mean. It might have something to do with you wanting your lover to prove he wants you so badly that he will take it from you, betraying his own principals against hurting you. It becomes a meaningful encounter that way, instead of a hurtful one, even though, in real life, it wouldn't end up that way. But, with him needing to provide that kind of proof of his lust for you, you end up in control.

Now, if you can follow that, I'll give you a cookie.

Mickie

 

[swtbethie]

Nope Can't follow that one Mickie... Can I still have a cookie
Pretty Please

 

[Mickie]

Consider yourself cookied, swtbethie. I suppose I should have explained it better.

A woman who is basically non-violent suddenly finds herself fantasizing of being raped. Not by some strange man on the street, but by her current lover. It seems to me to be more about the lover than about rape.

Why rape, though? Okay, this woman needs something that her normal sexual relationship with her lover doesn't fulfill. Given the fact that she states her lover is kind and good to her sounds like it's fairly tame. (No insult intended here. I like tame. It's predicatable and comfortable.) But, she might need more than that, and her subconscious is trying to tell her that by giving her these fantasies.

Most women (and men) need to know, without a doubt, that their lover not only cares for them, but finds them sexually irresistable. If the lover is so attracted to her in a sexual sense that he would rape her rather than let her say no, it becomes obvious that he lusts after her. It's proof of his attraction.

Now, don't bother telling me this isn't the way it is in the real world. I know rape is more about control than about sex. This is a fantasy situation, not reality, which is why living out fantasies should be considered in a serious mind, not as a 'fun little diversion'.

However, my point is this -- if the lover is so filled with lust, and lust only for her, that he will go against his own beliefs in order to commit a violence, then she, as the victim, ultimately has the emotional control over him. A simple yes, and he doesn't have to break his own rules. And, again, this is proof of his sexual attraction toward her, thus making her feel attractive and sexual.

Long winded, huh? Does it make any more sense than the last post?

Mickie

 

[AbsolutLolita]

I'm gonna need that cookie Mickie

I liked your thoughts, they made a lot of sense to me. Thank you very, very much... thanks to everyone else also.

 

[Mickie]

Somewhere on this board there should be a little cookie icon, so we can give them out.

Hope you like those chewy chocolate chip ones, AbsoluteLolita. That seems to be all I have left.

I've done a little research on the subject of rape fantasies, and this paradox of victim control seems to be high on the list of reasons why women have them. I'm working it into a novel, to tell the truth, but that doesn't negate the value the information has in real life.

Good luck, AbsoluteLolita. And enjoy that cookie!

Mickie

 

[Guest]

I think Mickie has it about right. There is something primordial about a guy being so overcome with lust for his woman that he "rapes" her. That IS a fantasy tho. Real rape is about violence and pain and terror. Fantasy with a lover is fun and can be as viloent as you want but never confuse it with some STD-riddled psycho jumping you in an underground parking lot and doing things to you that require surgery to fix. Don't forget we are only a few hundred generations from where the strongest breeding male "took" the apparently best female for breeding to procreate. I think women's brains sometimes get a little tug from the past and need to feel that their man looks at them as the best, most exciting "breeder" in the clan and on a very primitive scale of desirability, needs to be taken spontaneously and violently by her man to prove his lust for her.

A lot of people probably consider that insulting and not politically correct but think of the time factor. Only about 8-10,000 years ago that IS how we ensured the continuation of the species. 8 to 10,000 years is only about 3-400 generations.

I think bilogically speaking that might explain the basis for these feelings however on more modern scale it is highy sexually charged thought that stimulates a part of the brain that isn't normally used and this can be incredibly stimulating.

The problem is how do you get across the fantasy (along with your excitement) to him without like being in bed and saying "take me"...talk about numbingly boring. What I suggest is either talking it over and having him "do you" at some time when you least expect it - the anticipation will make it all that more exciting or maybe a mutual fantasy exchange would work too. You both write suggestions and put them in a jar. Each week or so you pull out a fantasy of his and vice versa and it is up to the other person to act them out. That way the excitement of being spontaneous remains. You'll never know when he is gonna be hiding in the garage when you get home or in your closet when you come in after work...just make sure that you "get into" the act if it happens when you really do least expect it. Oh one other thing. Make sure there's no neighbors with guns nearby who "save" you by blowing his ass off not realizing who is raping their neighbor. just a thot.