Rape, drugs, and the end of a marriage

[Eve_of_destruction]

I know that I have been MIA for over 3 weeks now, but those 3 weeks have been life-changing for me, and the last thing on my mind was the Internet or Literotica. For all the people here on the BB that I have chatted with for so many months now, for all of you who have emailed me asking where I've gone to and haven't gotten a reply, please forgive me... I just haven't felt like dealing with anything or anyone.

On April 30, I was raped. I was raped by someone who I knew and trusted, someone who I have mentioned so many, many times on the BB... the 19-year old who I was having an affair with. It is a long story, and hopefully I will be able to write it someday, more as a way of healing than anything else. I have to say that, at first, I just felt shock and numbness... but now I have a lot of anger, and revenge sounds sweet. Although there is a part of me that wants to kill the S.O.B., there is also a part of me that says, "Ah, don't blame him too much... he was drunk and wired on coke and meth, blame the drugs..." Another part of me says, "Well, girl, it's all your fault, cause you tried to end it by telling him you were in love with another man..." I had told him about the 26-year old that I also mention quite frequently, told him that I was in love and couldn't see him anymore, and he just went nuts. Couldn't go to the police, of course, or my family would suffer.

And then there's my kids... both of them are doing drugs, and it seems the problem is a lot worse than I had originally thought... I knew they smoked pot, but most kids do - hell, even I do sometimes. But guess who their dealer is? You got it, none other than the rapist - just another reason for wanting revenge against him. My oldest is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, his drug problem is that bad. I had suspected all this, but decided to verify everything by putting a tap on our phone line... let's just say that I found out things I wish I had never heard.

And finally... I decided to tell my husband that our marriage is over. This one, actually, is going much better than I expected. He had known about my affair with the 26-year old for quite some time, and I think he had been expecting this to happen. For now, I am going to stay here while he is away on business 5 days a week. It's the only way for someone to be here with the kids each evening... even though they are 19 and 16 years old, we both feel that they need us right now. And when he gets home, I am going to stay with the 26-year old.

Because that is where I belong. I love this man. I knew it all along, I just didn't want to give up the "comfortable" marriage that I have, where my husband basicly lets me do whatever I want, just so long as he doesn't have to get overly involved in being a father or husband. He doesn't want to deal with the problems we are having right now with the kids... and this is when I think that they need him most. But throughout all this, the 26-year old has been there for me; after the rape, he just held me and rocked me, crying right along with me. And whenever I call him, even if it is 3 a.m., he is THERE for me, helping me through my latest "crisis", and I know that he always will be.

Today is an "anniversary", of sorts... we met online exactly one year ago today. We began our real life affair 10 months ago. And each and every time we see each other, it is even better than the time before... we both are amazed at our compatibility! We talk until 6, 7 a.m., fall asleep till noon, and begin each new blissful day happier than we could possibly imagine.

He knows all about my "dark side", and knows all about the pain and anguish it caused me on April 30... and he does not condemn me for it. He also knows ME, and understands that side of me, and is helping me to come to terms with that side of myself so that I can put that part of my life behind me once and for all.

Well, now you know the REST of the story... and it feels good to get the whole thing off my chest. I can't help but wonder, though, why I couldn't have found someone like Golden to have my first affair with... Why, if I wanted to have an affair with a much younger man, did I have to pick such an asshole? And I'm sure many of you will probably say I got what I deserved, but I just want to say this: If any of you have ever had rape fantasies (and I never did), the reality is no fantasy. The reality is sickening, and extremely frightening. I do not wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy (well, with the exception of my rapist... I must admit that now I DO have rape fantasies, but in my fantasies, I am the rapist and he is my victim. An eye for an eye...).

Peace,
EOD

 

[Weird Harold]

You may not be willing to charge him with rape because of the repercussions, but I'd certainly suggest that you tip the police to his drug dealing.

I haven't got anything that's really useful to suggest about the rest of your story. I'll just say that I hope everything works out for the best.

 

[Sonora]

Eve, I am so very sorry for what happened to you. Thankfully, it sounds as if you have found someone (26 year old) that can help you through the things that are going on in your life right now. I'm glad that you feel better after telling your story. There always seems to be some clarity seeing or hearing the thoughts and words that have been swirling around in your head.

One last thing. You asked "why I couldn't have found someone like Golden to have my first affair with... Why, if I wanted to have an affair with a much younger man, did I have to pick such an asshole?" Don't beat youself up over this. You have enough to deal with right now without this added burden. Later, when things calm down, if you still want an anwswer then reapproach the question.

Take care of yourself Eve and take comfort in knowing that there are a lot of people that care about you and are willing to listen.

 

[Nicole]

E.O.D I am so sorry about what has happened.

It may not help much but Huggggggggggggggg.

Eve take care of yourself.

 

[Laurel]

That bastard! You just let us know who he is and we'll sick the Literotica posse on him... We won't kill him, but he'll wish we did... Glad to see you back, and happy and in one piece. We missed you!

 

[Slut_boy]

Eve, my beautiful friend:

Like so many people here, I also missed you sooo much while you were away. It kinda shows how much this computer screen protects you from us - when the irony is that most of us wish so badly that we could have been there for you. But you seem to be in very loving and capable hands. Perhaps this is your chance at happiness - the real chance that you truly deserve. I know that it'll work out for you.

We wish you lots of love and friendship.

 

[Xander]

E_O_D:
Like the rest of the us, I too have missed you. And been wondering where you were.
I am so profoundly sorry to hear what has happend to you. And I wish I could do something for you.
I'm glad that you have found the love you so obviously deserve, in Mr. 26 year old. And that you're in one piece.
Let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

Take care. You have all my best wishes, and friendship.

 

[Firesprite]

E_O_D
I wish you all the best healing in your life; Mind, Body and Soul. I wish you the strength you need to get up each day and deal with life how it is. May your new relationship be blessed with happiness, love, joy and peace.

I've missed you too.

Firesprite

 

[ShyGuy68]

Dear Eve.

I'm utterly sorry that you have been hit with all those devastating experiences. In my opinion nobody deserves that much bad luck. Well expect those that treat you the way that rat did. I don’t consider a drug dealer and rapist a human at all!

I wish you the very best in the time to come, and hope that the new man in your life will give you all the support you need, because you deserve it after what you have been through!

*Hugs*

ShyGuy


[This message has been edited by ShyGuy68 (edited 05-17-2000).]

 

[Unclebill]

Speak for yourself, Laurel. I want to see the son-of-a-bitch dead and I want to watch him die slowly and painfully. I just have a real thing for mean, vicious animals. I see no value in letting them have the opportunity to repeat their atrocities.

Eve, I am so sorry this happened to you. I understand how difficult it is to go through all the degrading crap some asshole defense attorney will put you through if it should go to trial, but it may be worth it to keep this asshole from doing the same thing to another woman. Please reconsider your decision to not report this to the police. By so doing, perhaps you can protect someone else.

I do wish you the best. No one deserves to have this happen to them; not even Hillary Clinton and there's no woman on earth for whom I have more disrespect or contempt.

Well, upon reflection, perhaps Hanoi Jane!

[This message has been edited by unclebill (edited 05-17-2000).]

 

[MADDOG]

EOD, this is one occasion where words really aren't enough to describe just how sorry I am for what happened to you. I wish I could be there for you in person, and I'm sure the rest of the board feels the same way. Noone deserves what you went through.

I am 120% with Wierd Harold on this one. Dob him in for Drugs, for your kids sake if nothing else. Plus it's the perfect revenge, and I guarentee that the Rape thing will not even come up unless you raise it, because he's certainly not going to say anything. If it works out, you may even get your fantasy, only it won't be you doing the Raping, it will be some guy named BUBBA. Worth considering.

Eve, I wish you nothing but happiness with your new man and your future life.

Love,
MADDOG

 

[Hecate]

There are no words to sum up my feelings Eve, so all I can do is give you a big hug and all my positive wishes and vibes for the future

*hug*
Hecate

 

[Sammyjo]

EOD..I am very, very sorry that this happened to such a great person. I know exactly what you feel right now. I was raped when I was 13 by a guy who I thought was my friend. I was raped again when I was 20 by two guys...both were friends, one is my daughter's father. They got me drugged up and went to work.

I know the pain of the drugs. My sister uses. She is 14. Her friends use. My parents turn a blind eye to it. No one sees the damage she is doing to herself, and more than likely to the rest of the family in the future.

Please contact me if you want. I am always here to listen.

sammyjo@literotica.org

SJ

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I'm speechless. I'm so sorry.

Much luck and love with the new man.

If you can prosecute for rape, please consider doing so, if not for your own peace of mind, then for the next girl's.

 

[Wanderlust98]

Originally posted by eve_of_destruction:

On April 30, I was raped. I was raped by someone who I knew and trusted,

Eve,
I am relatively new here as a poster, but your post touched me, because I, too, have been raped by someone I knew and trusted. It happened almost 10 years ago, and I still remember every moment of the experience. He was my lover, and a cop. I was tied up, beaten and raped, and left there. So I know exactly how you feel. I also never told my family, because of the hurt it would cause them. It was many years before I could tell ANYONE, and my family still doesn't know. I understand your pain, and the only words of comfort I can offer you is to say that time heals. You will never forget it, but you can go on. My heart goes out to you.

Wanderlust98

 

[Eve_of_destruction]

You cannot believe how very touched I am by all your kind words... thank you just doesn't seem to be enough to say. I knew I had friends here on Literotica, friends who I value so very much!

One thing I have learned after the rape that I was very shocked to hear is that 4 out of 5 women who are raped are raped by someone they know and feel that they can trust. And 3 of those 5 do not go to the police. Just a few statistics, but for some reason, I never really thought it could happen to me... especially by some one I have known for 3 years, and have been intimate with for over 1-1/2 years... I would have never thought he would do something like this to me.

And because of the phone tap, I now have a tape of him making a deal with my son; hopefully, I can somehow get enough information on him to go to the police and make the drug charges stick. And yes, MADDOG, I have thought about the fact that, in some way or another, having some big guy named Bubba in a cell with him would be just as sweet as if I could be getting revenge myself.

I probably won't be back to check the posts till Saturday or Sunday, but until then... You guys are great.

Peace to all,
EOD

 

[Jade]

Originally posted by eve_of_destruction:
If any of you have ever had rape fantasies (and I never did), the reality is no fantasy. The reality is sickening, and extremely frightening. I do not wish this on anyone

EOD.. if I am address that a little further..

Funny you should mention that... I don't have rape fantasies at all as I was in a situtation several years ago where I could have been raped.... but got away. (terrifying!) However... I have noticed that in the non consent section on this sight, in the stories (which yes I did read some.. bc I wanted to understand) it seems like the person getting raped usually ends up enjoying the encounter, which to me signifies that this is a fantasy for a lot of people. .. this fantasy that you can just go and "take" any woman you want and that her "body will betray her" and that she will end up loving it.
Well, let me just clear the air right now!!! It just doesn't work like that!!! It is a horrifying experience and it is NOT enjoyed by the person it is happening to.

I would like to finally add that... if the fantasy ends up being the the person is enjoying it anyway... why not just try some domination fantasies or bondage or something ....does it HAVE to be rape??

Sorry if I offended anyone.. that is just how I feel though.

~Jade

 

[Whore]

Eve,

I am new to the board also, but I was a lurker for several months before posting, so I feel like I know a lot of people even though they don't know me. I was raped too & was unable to go to the police (Post:Are most women potential whores?). You are strong, you are smart and you are a beautiful person. I am truly sorry you had to go through something so terrible, thankful that you have Mr 26 to lean on and love and I hope you are able to crucify that son-of-a-bitch in any way you can. Be weak when you need to be and cry as much as you want. It will help you heal. I was dating someone at the time it happened to me & the response I got from him was worse than the rape because he was someone I loved. As far as your husband, as long as both of you expect nothing from the relationship, I say stay as long as you need to in order to get your life together but make the move with 26 soon. He seems too good to put off.

Concerning your fantasy about the rapist getting raped, put it down in a story & send it in. Make it as vile and disgusting as you want it to be. I know I would love to read it, as well as everyone else on the board. Get it all out of your system. Kickboxing helped me because at every class, I imagined I was beating the fuck out of both of them.

I don't know what your financial situation is and it is none of my business, but therapy would help. There are a lot of organizations (religous) that offer counceling on a sliding scale and it is discreet. They don't push the "God thing" in your face if your beliefs are different. If you have insurance, use it and let them pay for it. Let it help your kids also.

I wish you well and much love,

Whore (E.J.)

 

[Wizard]

EOD, I too am so sorry to hear about your misfortune, and learned something hear also I had no idea that that many girls have been a victim to such a shity and rotten crime.
I am truly sorry.

EOD I also wish you could press charges....Teach him a lesson.

 

[Boo]

Eve--

I am truly sorry for what happened to you and hope that you will do whatever you can do to begin healing from such an awful intrusion. In the same period, to have to learn of and deal with your children's drug problems must be almost overwelming.

Some of my thoughts on your prosecuting the rapist. I am not telling you not to do it. By the same token, please be aware of what that will mean for you. Though your general past sexual conduct cannot come into evidence, the fact that you had sex previously with the rapist can be introduced. On the stand you will also be grilled on cross examination about the nature of your relationship to him and the frequency and duration of your sexual relationship with him. It goes to the issue of your consent or non consent. Also the fact that you were married at the time of your consentual sexual relationship with him can be introduced. The defense attorney will not be kind to you and many jury members, sadly, especially women, do not beleive that women can be raped by someone they are involved sexually with. So, you can choose to have him prosecuted, but be prepared to relive the ordeal in lurid detail on the stand in front of a jury and other courtroom crowd and also be judged, far more harshly than you are here on Literotica, about your past affair with the rapist. It is just the way things play out. Please think about whether you are strong enough for this before you choose prosecution.

Also, the evidence you have about him selling drugs to your son......don't forget that it implicates your son as well. I don't know how old your son is but he could end up in Youth Court over the decision.

Just some things to think about....as if you don't have enough on your mind.

Be well,

Boo

 

[Whispersecret]

Eve, big hugs. I hope that everything works out for you. Turn the bastard in on drug dealing. If you have the strength, pin the rape on him too.

You cannot blame yourself for HIS actions. He's obviously a worthless piece of garbage.

I do not know your 26 year old, but my unsolicited advice is to really look hard at him and any other male you get involved with in the future. If they use/abuse drugs in any way, run away from them as quickly as possible!

Sammy, you can tell me to mind my own business if you like, but here's some more of my unsolicited advice: Don't sit back and let your sister fuck around with drugs. Apparently your parents don't care enough to do something about it, even though THAT'S THEIR JOB AS PARENTS, so it may be up to you.

My husband used coke very occasionally when we first started dating back in the early 80s. I wrote him a serious letter telling him how much I cared about him. I talked about how dangerous it was and how, if he continued to do that, I would have to break up with him. He gave it up.

Obviously you can't "break up" with your sister and getting her to stop will probably be a hell of a lot harder, but what's your alternative? When she gets into trouble or overdoses or something, how are you going to feel?

Okay, I'm sorry if I sound pious and superior. I really don't know you or your sister and so it really isn't any of my business. So, you can ignore me if you want to. I don't mind.

However, I sincerely hope that life works out for Eve, her kids, her husband, and Sammy's sister, and anyone else out there who's involved directly or indirectly with hard drugs. I also hope 19 year old scumbag is dealt with in jail, in the ass, harshly and repeatedly.

 

[RonG]

Eve,
I'm not a major poster here but believe me there are a lot of folks having to deal with these drug issues and mutual caring is one of the best things that help people get things put right. I went through this with two older brothers. The oldest one hit dope and such pretty hard and my parents were the type to shield him from the consequences. The net result is that he never did get clean and he has spent his whole life screwed up and now that he is past 40 his health is going too (already showing signs of dementia). When the next brother started using drugs, my dad got it right and made him deal directly with the effects including a stint overnight in jail and having to work to pay for court costs, etc. When he made the connection between his actions and the consequences, he thankfully made the right decision and cleaned himself up and now he is a responsible family man with three kids and a steady job. Me, being the youngest, got a great lesson and kept myself straight and ended up doing okay. From what I can tell from the other posts, that seems to be the common theme - have realistic consequences and most people can see clearly to do the right thing.

What I am trying to say is that the best lesson a parent can give kids is understanding that this is the real world - for the most part, doing bad causes real pain for yourself and others. The best thing for your kids to see is for this menace to have to deal with the fallout of unconscionable behavior. Letting it slide legally or emotionally will make it harder for your children to make themselves the kind of people you want them to be. And the kind of people they really want to be when they grow up, even if they don't know it yet.

Sounds like you are getting some good support from your real life friend and BB friends. Obviously, a lot of people care for you and are pulling for you. So, even though I don't know you, the character and courage it took for you to write this are the same qualities that can get you through all of this and come out where you want to be at the end.

 

[Bossy Aussie]

E_O_D:

I'm so sorry. I know (partially) what you're going through. I was raped when I was 11, a lot of times. By my babysitter. He's the father of my daughter. My little sister, who is 14 was doing drugs for a little bit, and she was sleeping with the guy dealing them to her (he's 19). She was adopted at 9, so granted, she has some issues, but my parents have put a stop to all of it, and I do hope that you are able to do the same for your children.

I hope that you're able to find happiness now with your 26 year old!

Bossy

 

[Sammyjo]

WS...I have tried, believe me. She doesn't listen to me, even though I practically raised her. I have no clue what she has tried, I do know she smokes cigarettes and pot and drinks alcohol. I'm sure most of us on here have done these things at some point in our lives (even as juveniles).

I dated a guy in high school that was so strung out on coke that he couldn't even keep his lies straight. I caught him in a terrific one with the help of his mother. We compared notes and realized that he had been lying to both of us for months. Then, I found out that he cheated on me all through our relationship. He was so good that I never even knew about the coke. One night while we were out, I pretended to be asleep and overheard a conversation with someone involving some coke party or something. That was the end of it.

I have had WAY too much experience dealing with drug addicts. And now I'm having to instruct my siblings and their friends on the subject. I have given "lectures" or "talks" to them about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. I have done as much as I can. I will never stop telling them how much I care for them. I will never stop telling them that what they are doing is hurting them and their families. Ultimately it is up to them to make the decision. I can only hope that some of the things I've said to them will sink in before it's too late.

My sister actually witnessed one of her friends try and commit suicide a few weeks ago. Now we find out the girl is on some serious drugs.

I find it sad that kids these days can't see what they are doing to themselves, to their families.

BA...looks like we have more in common than I thought...*hugs*

Sorry EOD...I didn't mean to take your thread and turn it into a drug lecture.

SJ

 

[Wizard]

EOD:
I am so sorry to hear about your terrifying situation. No one deserves that and I wish you and your family all the luck in the world.
I hope that you will find your much needed love with your 26 year old. And I hope that someday you may be able to press charges and get that Bastard even if it only for the drug chages I wish you all the luck in the world and know that we are all here for you
good luck Eve.

[This message has been edited by wizard (edited 05-17-2000).]