About two years ago I met a man online. We grew to be almost best friends. I went to him for everything..good..bad..just to shoot the shit.. you name it. We gradually lost touch. I contacted him around the end of August or the beginning of September of last year. This time we grew closer, MUCH closer. Then, all of a sudden, it's as if he didn't exist. Wouldn't accept my phonecalls, etc. Met another man. This one I actually met a couple times and we were planning to meet again. Then he got fired from his job. The phonecalls were all of a sudden fewer and shorter until it was a rare thing, then stopped. A few months later this man contacted me and gave me his <ahem> explanation (excuse) for doing what he did. It seems he wasn't feeling too good about himself, (perfectly understandable) and thought it would be best for ME if he did what he did. Wanted me back..says he made a mistake and that he didn't want to "drag me down"...regardless of how many times we'd talked about how two people in a relationship help one another through whatever's going on in their lives. In the meantime I'd gotten to be friends with another man. We grew close. We met quite a few times..he met my girls..we'd gotten pretty serious..or so I thought. Turns out that he wasn't over a previous girlfriend, even though he'd told me (yeah yeah, they SAY) that even though he held a place for her in his heart, after all they'd been in love, he was over her blah blah blah. Hell, I'd wonder about a person's humanity if they weren't able to hold a place somewhere inside themselves for someone they once loved or cared for. THEN he claims he had always been honest with me..that he'd told me he was still in love with her and that I dove in with my eyes open. Bullshit. If I'd known he was still in love with her so much that he still wanted to be with her, I wouldn't have met him.. wouldn't have introduced my girls to him in the context that I did. What really gets me is that this man let me drive 20 fucking hours with my babies to see him, even though he knew he didn't want to be with me (because I know you're wondering, the decision for me to go see him was mutual). Not to mention the fool wasn't broken up with the woman he'd been involved with right before me although it was my understanding they were. Hell, I wouldn't have met him then either, if I'd known they were still together (btw, I'm talking about two seperate girlfriends here..no not at the same time). He had to be sure of me before he broke up with her. I was a convenience. I helped to soften the blow. I helped to pass the time. I lost my usefulness. He then distanced himself as the other two had. WTF kind of a sign do I have on my forehead? One that says "make my decisions for me"? "Use me"? "Leave me in the dark"? I have no fucking feelings you know..pffffffft That's a helluva lot more than "Kick me". I have a brain, and a pretty damn good one if I do say so myself..I know how to make my own decisions. I, like any other person, don't like being used..for ANY reason. I like being told things..I dont' like wondering what in the FUCK is going on. And for God's sake, BE HONEST WITH ME! Tell me the truth. Don't fucking run. Be a grown fucking man.
I've taken a break from relationships. I'm taking my time. And..oh my! I've been honest with men about it! Surprise, fucking surprise.
Then we have my husband. We're in the middle of divorcing. Although we made agreements before we separated, he's changed some of them. I got a rough draft of the divorce agreement that his girlfriend, whom he plans to marry as soon as the divorce is final, wrote up. HE moved five hours away, but I'VE been meeting him halfway to make it easier to see the girls. I didn't have a job when he moved out, but I didn't push for money when he was giving me hardly any..simply because I knew he'd just moved and was a bit broke himself..of course HE had a job. He's trying to fuck me over also. He's also not the one who has to console a sobbing 4 year old because she misses Daddy. So of course we actually fucking argued the last time they went there to see him because I didn't have the money to bring them and he didn't want to drive by himself down here. Of course it's ok for ME to drive by MYSELF.. a woman by herself driving at midnight. But HIM, a fucking MAN couldn't drive by himself. And I did it..because of said sobbing four year old. Not to mention the fact that even though he couldn't show any affection whatsoever, or have sex with me during our marriage..I was told I was too horny <eyeroll>..he's all over this new woman..but the divorce is MY fault??? I'm not jealous of her. He's happy. Good for him. I'd just like to understand why he couldn't show his WIFE the things that he's showing her..maybe my babies wouldn't be going through what they are if he had.
THEN comes my best friend. She's also going through a divorce. Her soon to be ex hub blames ME for it. He has followed me, walked into my house uninvited (police said there wasn't much I could do about it grrrrr) and this past weekend, he slashed my tires even though he knew that I have two small children and have to get to and from work and I damn well can't afford FOUR FUCKING TIRES! Oh yeah! I'm also a whore. And horror of horrors! The worst kind! <gasp> I'm getting a divorce! <smirk> To this man (boy), all women are whores, ESPECIALLY those who are divorced or divorcing. Very small minded.
I'm learning to be a bitch and I'm not caring for it much.
I look at my life. I get depressed. I KNOW I have potential. I KNOW I can get somewhere in life. I KNOW what type of a person I am. I'm nice. I have a sense of humor. I'm attractive. I'm caring. I'm not exactly a dumbass. I'm LIKEABLE dammit (lol). So why the fuck can't I seem to get anywhere? I get so pissed with myself sometimes because of that. I kick myself in the ass repeatedly when I think about the possibilities out there..I have so many goals..and I can't seem to reach them. <sigh>
There's more..oh so much more, but I don't think I want to share EVERYTHING. A woman has to keep SOME kind of mystery about her
I've taken a break from relationships. I'm taking my time. And..oh my! I've been honest with men about it! Surprise, fucking surprise.
Then we have my husband. We're in the middle of divorcing. Although we made agreements before we separated, he's changed some of them. I got a rough draft of the divorce agreement that his girlfriend, whom he plans to marry as soon as the divorce is final, wrote up. HE moved five hours away, but I'VE been meeting him halfway to make it easier to see the girls. I didn't have a job when he moved out, but I didn't push for money when he was giving me hardly any..simply because I knew he'd just moved and was a bit broke himself..of course HE had a job. He's trying to fuck me over also. He's also not the one who has to console a sobbing 4 year old because she misses Daddy. So of course we actually fucking argued the last time they went there to see him because I didn't have the money to bring them and he didn't want to drive by himself down here. Of course it's ok for ME to drive by MYSELF.. a woman by herself driving at midnight. But HIM, a fucking MAN couldn't drive by himself. And I did it..because of said sobbing four year old. Not to mention the fact that even though he couldn't show any affection whatsoever, or have sex with me during our marriage..I was told I was too horny <eyeroll>..he's all over this new woman..but the divorce is MY fault??? I'm not jealous of her. He's happy. Good for him. I'd just like to understand why he couldn't show his WIFE the things that he's showing her..maybe my babies wouldn't be going through what they are if he had.
THEN comes my best friend. She's also going through a divorce. Her soon to be ex hub blames ME for it. He has followed me, walked into my house uninvited (police said there wasn't much I could do about it grrrrr) and this past weekend, he slashed my tires even though he knew that I have two small children and have to get to and from work and I damn well can't afford FOUR FUCKING TIRES! Oh yeah! I'm also a whore. And horror of horrors! The worst kind! <gasp> I'm getting a divorce! <smirk> To this man (boy), all women are whores, ESPECIALLY those who are divorced or divorcing. Very small minded.
I'm learning to be a bitch and I'm not caring for it much.
I look at my life. I get depressed. I KNOW I have potential. I KNOW I can get somewhere in life. I KNOW what type of a person I am. I'm nice. I have a sense of humor. I'm attractive. I'm caring. I'm not exactly a dumbass. I'm LIKEABLE dammit (lol). So why the fuck can't I seem to get anywhere? I get so pissed with myself sometimes because of that. I kick myself in the ass repeatedly when I think about the possibilities out there..I have so many goals..and I can't seem to reach them. <sigh>
There's more..oh so much more, but I don't think I want to share EVERYTHING. A woman has to keep SOME kind of mystery about her
I can relate to quite a bit of what you said. It was kind of scary that a few of your experiences mirrored my own.
