LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Random yet weak attempts to make someone smile or laugh

L

lovetporoleplay1

Literotica Guru
Joined
Oct 21, 2018
Posts
820
So, a brief explanation.......

A few weeks ago I was locked out of my account, once I got it to work, I lost all privledges to reply to thread and answer PMs. I had many close friends who I lost touch with, I'm grateful I found most of them now that I created this new account but I saw my status go from Guru to Virgin (much like my sex life in reality) but I spent the last few weeks trying to build up my postings to give my account credibility (because as most of us know, most choose to wait till you prove yourself that you are not a spammer or a troll trying to receive others.) During this time I posted in threads I normally didn't before. I tried just to be funny at my own experience, but I made a few mistakes and hurt some very nice people. The ironic thing about it was I didn't see it the way it was interpreted. And for that, I felt horrible. I sincerely apologise for and did the right thing and moved off the thread.

I spent all night reflecting on those I hurry intentionally and thought why not take a thread used to just brings laugh orsmile to someone who might be hurting or just having a crappy day. (I apologize if itis is in the wrong section since it's not a personal)

The rules Ares simple
1) Post something funny, inspirational or cute that made you smile laugh or inspired you.
2) Please nothing political, religious, offensive or mean-spirited against other sex, orientation, nationality, etc. As many of you know I joke about myself a lot so that even though it may not be true, no one besides myself was hurt in the process.
3) if you don't want to make fun of yourself. Use my name (Jeff) or use my screen name. I can take it. I promise I won't editor delete it but please try to make itfunny.
4) please no links to cat videos. I'm not anti-cat I just think my Facebook news feed is flooded with warriors many!!
5) memes, pics and gifs welcome provided you think they are funny. But please follow all Lit rules and guidelines.

Personally, I don't know if this thread will catch on or if anyone will contribute but at least I know I have a place where I can go to post random silly things to hopefully show my sense of humor..... Or lack of it.

But I do happen to know there are plenty of hilarious people on here. I do read the threads so invite anyone to partake. My contribution

Welcome to masturbators anonymous
I see everybody came today
That's disappointing......
 
Last edited:
BTW. You don’t have to post anything funny then leave. Use it as a place to hangout or chat. If I’m around I’ll chat back.
 
Chubby Pixy runs into the chat room, and then stops to glance around the room.
"Where are all the silly peoples?" she whispers.
The O.P. has fallen asleep on the couch, and so tiptoeing to his side she grabs a sharpy and starts sketching an elaborate tattoo across his face and neck. The wicked gleam in her eye, sparkles.
She loves playing a prank...

Jenn
 
Jenngreenivy said:
Chubby Pixy runs into the chat room, and then stops to glance around the room.
"Where are all the silly peoples?" she whispers.
The O.P. has fallen asleep on the couch, and so tiptoeing to his side she grabs a sharpy and starts sketching an elaborate tattoo across his face and neck. The wicked gleam in her eye, sparkles.
She loves playing a prank...

Jenn
Click to expand...

Stumbles inn to a dark room. Squinting sees a small pixey!
"I need less booze in my life."
 
Jenngreenivy said:
Chubby Pixy runs into the chat room, and then stops to glance around the room.
"Where are all the silly peoples?" she whispers.
The O.P. has fallen asleep on the couch, and so tiptoeing to his side she grabs a sharpy and starts sketching an elaborate tattoo across his face and neck. The wicked gleam in her eye, sparkles.
She loves playing a prank...

Jenn
Click to expand...


The jokes on you! I have a Tyson like permanent one on my face. Wait. You gave my eye.........BALLS?Is this permanent?
 
.......Siri on my new Apple watch just told me

"Jeff, Pa pa pa please j j u just jerk off with your other hand ......iiiiiiiimmmmmmmmaaaaaa getting dizzz zzzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyy"

Thank goodness I wasn't recording.
 
Last edited:
This morning I saw a lady out walking.
Printed on the front of her top was:

EXERCISE
I thought that you said Extra Fries.

Made me smile.
 
Ray the Chicken
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ray.'

Ray was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ray the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ray.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

"Ray, wake up! You shit the bed!"


** so bad it’s funny! ... right?! :D
 
alwaysaway said:
Ray the Chicken
Ray came home one night from a long day at work, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Ray.'

Ray was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.'

Ray was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking and pecking the ground.

A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Ray the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. 'Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?'

'Never,' said Ray.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal. He did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! He was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg - his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard.....

"Ray, wake up! You shit the bed!"


** so bad it’s funny! ... right?! :D
Click to expand...

Thank You. Exactly the type of thing I think most will laugh at. I bet you were laughing as you typed it. Thanks again.
 
I remember telling my dorm mate who wanted to have a signal to put on the door to notify the other not to come in. I said

OK, If you see a sock on the doorknob, I'm having sex.....with the other sock"
 
A boy comes home from school and his father ask "How was school?"

The boy says it was great! I had sex with my teacher. Dad's chest puffs up with pride. That's my boy, you are a chip off the old block. I'm so proud of you I'm going to buy you that bike you been wanting.

The boy says thanks but not today. My asshole is killing me.
 
My mom caught me once jerking off to her wedding photos. "you pervert" she screamed. I replied "but mom, I was looking at your sister...... What???"
 
A female co worker told me this today after hearing me complain about ink on my tie.....

"If you see a well groomed man , it's safe to assume he's not getting any."
 
I once made love for an hour and 15 minutes......unfortunately it was on the night we move out clocks ahead for daylight savings time.
 
Jenngreenivy said:
Chubby Pixy runs into the chat room, and then stops to glance around the room.
"Where are all the silly peoples?" she whispers.
The O.P. has fallen asleep on the couch, and so tiptoeing to his side she grabs a sharpy and starts sketching an elaborate tattoo across his face and neck. The wicked gleam in her eye, sparkles.
She loves playing a prank...

Jenn
Click to expand...

Silly people? *looks around* I see one!!
 
When going on a first date with a girl from this
Website, I always have two questions

1) will there be sex?
2) will I get to be included?
 
Midwest50Guy said:
When going on a first date with a girl from this
Website, I always have two questions

1) will there be sex?
2) will I get to be included?
Click to expand...


Good luck. My ex gf was into cumming at the same time. Closest I got was when I was driving over and she was in the shower.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

SlowHandQuickMind
The male gaze: welcome or annoying?
Replies
5
Views
145
Live4themoments
L
R
Hoping Lightning Strikes Twice: 43/m/Canada looking for single/ENM female friends and play partners, Toronto area or online
Replies
0
Views
37
RelaxedCanadian
R
A
Newbie
Replies
6
Views
455
SirSparky
S
C
Online chat or RP
Replies
2
Views
123
Mywish9
M
F
Pursuing Potentially Devious Female Partner
Replies
0
Views
62
Foxhound33
F
Back
Top