Rambling....

[sphynx's dragon]

Forgive me for this but I'm having a rambling night. It's been a while since I've frequented the boards here. I've been constrained by my life from doing so. I've been thinking tonight, the longer I've been accepting of who and what I am, a male sub, the more it seems to dominate my thinking patterns. I seem to be more and more absorbed with this aspect of my life than others. Not my family life, but my life outside of the home. Because of my life we must be circumspect with how we exercise our lifestyle. But I find myself being more concerned with it every passing day. Is this normal? I sincerely hope it is, for I feel more complete now than I ever have. Perhaps I'm finally being who I really am inside. My life is more complete now than ever. I just wanted to know if others out there found themselves doing the same. Becoming more and more engrossed in this life and discovering that it makes them feel whole in a way like they've never before experienced. Just curious.

 

[graceanne]

Do you think that maybe it consumes your thoughs more cause you've finally given yourself permission to be submissive?

Cause I kinda know what you're talking about. I used to really bitchy and I didn't take shit from anyone, and was willing to be confrontative. I refused to admit to myself how much I hated it, cause I didn't want anyone to think me 'weak'.

Since realizing I'm a sub, and then 'allowing' myself to be submissive, to be 'weak' cause I now know that it's not weak, it's just how I am. So quite often my submissiveness is at the forefront of my thoughts, when I don't respond in ways I used to, or when I'm trying to decide how to do something or the other.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Forgive me for this but I'm having a rambling night. It's been a while since I've frequented the boards here. I've been constrained by my life from doing so. I've been thinking tonight, the longer I've been accepting of who and what I am, a male sub, the more it seems to dominate my thinking patterns. I seem to be more and more absorbed with this aspect of my life than others. Not my family life, but my life outside of the home. Because of my life we must be circumspect with how we exercise our lifestyle. But I find myself being more concerned with it every passing day. Is this normal? I sincerely hope it is, for I feel more complete now than I ever have. Perhaps I'm finally being who I really am inside. My life is more complete now than ever. I just wanted to know if others out there found themselves doing the same. Becoming more and more engrossed in this life and discovering that it makes them feel whole in a way like they've never before experienced. Just curious.

Yes makes total sense to me. I am 24/7 partnered or not a submissive. Its rarely to far back in my mind no matter what I am doing. Sometimes I can get quite fixated and almost agitated in the thinking department but that is usually when I don't have an outlet or someone to share the exchange with. Not talking about sex here either. Not really sub frenzy but a pre cursor to it. I find myself engaging Dominants in conversation where the chemistry works for me not only because it calms me but because it reinforces and saves on the brain getting to caught up.

Then there are the days of bitter tears where I just wish the Hell I wasn't submissive. How much easier it would be for me. I know the opportunitys I miss in relationships because I simply am unable to consider one outside of D/s no matter how desireable a potential partner on so many fronts. I know because I have tried.

Sounds like you are channeling this focus in a positive way and I don't believe anything I read in your post about is unusual or strange in any manner. Perhaps it a small matter of timing for you as well. Time currently to reflect and getting a rush of information about yourself and consolidating it. I wish you and yours well dragon.

@}-}rebecca----

PS Just for clarification when I refer to myself as a submissive 24/7 I am not talking skipping around in cheesecloth dress making daisy chains. I have skills I use them. They may be perceived by others as 'dominant' really doesn't matter they are still just skills and I use them to my full potential. I would never alter positive strengths in myself to fit a characterisation of what submissive is. Fortunately I have also never been in the service of a Dominant that has expected me to either. Perhaps care and attention to detail in regards to those skills may be in some way a reflection of myself as a submissive but thats just speculation on my part. I have always been this way.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Semi on Topic Bump for Bredon

 

[Aeroil]

I mentioned this earlier, that most of us have chosen this lifestyle because we want to be happy, or complete. We are walking away from being normal, in many aspects, because we see that a vanilla lifestyle is not for us. It is normal in that you are doing what you want to do to be happy, which is the most important way, so don't worry 'bout it. :3