R/t Master found [maybe]

[Brandii]

Background: I have my name down on an internet dating site basically because I like to talk to and flirt with guys.

This morning I had a message waiting for me from a male with definate Dominant tendencies who lives within a 45 mile radius of me. He is 6 years older than me, which means emotionally he is probably 20 years older than me.
We actually didn't talk a lot: he kinda just took over [lol] and made his requests known. He asked nothing... he commanded, and I really liked that. Unfortunately, though when he told me he wanted my mobile number I gave it to him, which after the fact wasn't the brightest move, as I have no idea who he is in reality. He told me we should get together and that he would ring me. I really like the idea of real time play and I'm sick to death of playmates who really can't control me due to distance. Typing in capitals has no affect on me, if anything it makes me grin at the monitor and *play up* more. I really like the idea of a Master with a paddle in his hand ready for the slightest inkling that I'm about to open my mouth for any other reason than for what he has in mind. Bet I'm more submissive then.

I really hope this guy is the real deal.

 

[Lamont Cranston]

Background: I have my name down on an internet dating site basically because I like to talk to and flirt with guys.

This morning I had a message waiting for me from a male with definate Dominant tendencies who lives within a 45 mile radius of me. He is 6 years older than me, which means emotionally he is probably 20 years older than me.
We actually didn't talk a lot: he kinda just took over [lol] and made his requests known. He asked nothing... he commanded, and I really liked that. Unfortunately, though when he told me he wanted my mobile number I gave it to him, which after the fact wasn't the brightest move, as I have no idea who he is in reality. He told me we should get together and that he would ring me. I really like the idea of real time play and I'm sick to death of playmates who really can't control me due to distance. Typing in capitals has no affect on me, if anything it makes me grin at the monitor and *play up* more. I really like the idea of a Master with a paddle in his hand ready for the slightest inkling that I'm about to open my mouth for any other reason than for what he has in mind. Bet I'm more submissive then.

I really hope this guy is the real deal.

Brandii,
I'm sort of new here but not knew to BDSM. Please look at threads like one from CM and what everyone has said. Go slow, be careful and hopefully you'll be happy. I think there's one about avoiding creeps. There are tons of warnings and recommendations right here -- and I probably won't be the only one to say it to you.

I don't think you should be getting commands in the first day but I'm like an old school kind of guy. Your mobile phone number can be changed if necessary but make VERY sure that you know him very well and have taken all the sensible precautions to protect yourself before you move into IRL.

There is an obvious pull to go there but don't rush. Be careful with it. A bit of remote exploration and learning about each other can only enhance the IRL experience.

I hope he's the real deal too, but make very sure your comfortable and safe before going too far.

 

[skittles_lm]

I played dumb with some guy who seemed amazing and got the shit beat out of me, literally. Like no-fun-beat-down in my own house. don't be dumb like I was. If he had been more careful, he could have raped and killed me with no problem. He gave me an opening and I took it. I got lucky.

Meet in public, not just once but many times.

Let someone you love know where you are and what's going on, even if you're keeping this all secret from everyone.

Trust your gut. Not your heart or even necessarily your head.

Take other people's advice.

Get references from him. Verifiable ones.

Be safe and sane.

 

[Lamont Cranston]

I played dumb with some guy who seemed amazing and got the shit beat out of me, literally. Like no-fun-beat-down in my own house. don't be dumb like I was. If he had been more careful, he could have raped and killed me with no problem. He gave me an opening and I took it. I got lucky.

Meet in public, not just once but many times.

Let someone you love know where you are and what's going on, even if you're keeping this all secret from everyone.

Trust your gut. Not your heart or even necessarily your head.

Take other people's advice.

Get references from him. Verifiable ones.

Be safe and sane.

skittles_lm -- sorry you had that bad experience but thank you for sharing the lesson. It is important. There are creeps, wannabes and incompetents out there and we all have to be careful.
Again, sorry you met one of the creeps and hope that you're doing okay recovering from it -- let's hope that other people learn from it.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Background: I have my name down on an internet dating site basically because I like to talk to and flirt with guys.

This morning I had a message waiting for me from a male with definate Dominant tendencies who lives within a 45 mile radius of me. He is 6 years older than me, which means emotionally he is probably 20 years older than me.
We actually didn't talk a lot: he kinda just took over [lol] and made his requests known. He asked nothing... he commanded, and I really liked that. Unfortunately, though when he told me he wanted my mobile number I gave it to him, which after the fact wasn't the brightest move, as I have no idea who he is in reality. He told me we should get together and that he would ring me. I really like the idea of real time play and I'm sick to death of playmates who really can't control me due to distance. Typing in capitals has no affect on me, if anything it makes me grin at the monitor and *play up* more. I really like the idea of a Master with a paddle in his hand ready for the slightest inkling that I'm about to open my mouth for any other reason than for what he has in mind. Bet I'm more submissive then.

I really hope this guy is the real deal.

Somewhere in here (Oh, Cuuuuutieeee... CutieMou-ousssseee!) is at least one thread dealing with first RL meetings, safe calls, etc., etc. PLEASE read and re-read that (those) thread(s), once CM has linked to it/them and follow at least the main ideas before your first few one-on-ones with him that aren't in public places. Please. Like everyone here, I hope that he is the real deal, and that it's a wonderful experience, but I know the odds for that are much, much higher if you take the proper precautions to help it happen.

May your Power, whatever form it takes, give you, too, the blessing of happiness and a wonderful experience.

ETA: By the way, I've met a number of willing "targets" online, including my last wife, and in every instance, before we had a private one-on-one encounter, I insisted that she accept my personal information (as shown by scanned driver's license with certain info redacted (to protect against the possibility of identity theft, etc.), had on her own looked up what information was easily available online and in public record, and made arrangements for a safe call - one upon arrival, one at the end of each 90 minutes of the encounter, one upon her departure, and one ten minutes after departure (on the road) - all to the same safe call recipient. Oh, yeah - and one to me when she got home or wherever she was going, so that I'd be sure she got there safely. If this guy objects to any reasonable safety measure that you want to propose, please get very leery of his motives/intent, and back away quickly, until the issue has been resolved - in your favor.

 

[Brandii]

Thank you all for your advice. It must have become fairly clear to most of the BDSM community by now that I am a) very impulsive and b) quite naive at times. I am aware of the risks involved in this lifestyle [or I think I am] especially where my safety is concerned. *Slow* is a speed I do intend to take, but I also know I am easily manipulated. At the moment both fear and excitement are swirling round in my gut. He actually knows nothing about me as he really didn't ask me anything about myself and he actually [now that I think about it] offered no information about himself either except to say that he liked to be in control. He did use the D/s terminology B always used. His parting comment was "You will orgasm on command. Be ready." I kept typing but he was gone. My problem is that I am excited by the prospect of having my own real life Dom and I don't always think rationally when I'm in this frame of mind... but I will heed your advice as I do not know if he has my welfare in mind, but I believe by your posts that you do.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you all for your advice. It must have become fairly clear to most of the BDSM community by now that I am a) very impulsive and b) quite naive at times. I am aware of the risks involved in this lifestyle [or I think I am] especially where my safety is concerned. *Slow* is a speed I do intend to take, but I also know I am easily manipulated. At the moment both fear and excitement are swirling round in my gut. He actually knows nothing about me as he really didn't ask me anything about myself and he actually [now that I think about it] offered no information about himself either except to say that he liked to be in control. He did use the D/s terminology B always used. His parting comment was "You will orgasm on command. Be ready." I kept typing but he was gone. My problem is that I am excited by the prospect of having my own real life Dom and I don't always think rationally when I'm in this frame of mind... but I will heed your advice as I do not know if he has my welfare in mind, but I believe by your posts that you do.

I would definately say to slow way down then if he didn't ask anything about you, or offer anything about himself. If you want a RL Dom, you need to first at least know and like each other because contrary to porn and fantasy, even the fittest Dom can't be weilding his trusty flogger 24/7 and that is the time you get to enjoy other aspects of the relationship which form a strong basis for the D/s one. How do you even know you can trust him, not to mention like him, if you know nothing about him except he can order you around online? If you haven't already seen it, you may like to cruise New Sub Haven which IMHO is one of the best threads highlighting the ease with which a sub can be taken advantage of due to their eagerness and not taking the time to get to know the other person first...and it is also fun to read. Good luck and please play safe and careful.


Catalina

 

[WriterDom]

According to my poll, almost 40% here have had a bad experience. There is a difference between being Dom and being a bully. Sounds to me he is moving a little too fast. If he can't respect you being cautious then you need to shut him down.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hi Brandii,

I will pull this message and repost it in it's entirety because it is worth repeating.

Two words: Suzette Trouten - My friend. Who did all the right things, who had safe calls, who built a relationship over time, who investigated this "wonderful man" she met off the internet...

Three words: John Edward Robinson - The man who killed her. The man who said all the right things. The man who had references and ID's and a job waiting for her...

I'm not saying this fellow is anything at all like Robinson. He may be all that and a box of cookies. I'm just asking you to be very very careful, dear Cutie.

I lost one friend to someone who was too good to be true... I don't want to lose another.

Yes, you can Google both names and find the whole story...
The CourtTV site has the most clear and relatively complete version

Nuff said.

 

[Life_Noir]

but I also know I am easily manipulated. At the moment both fear and excitement are swirling round in my gut. He actually knows nothing about me as he really didn't ask me anything about myself and he actually [now that I think about it] offered no information about himself either except to say that he liked to be in control.

You might want to think over "that" part again...Slowly and completely.

Yah know, one of my favorite phrases is "There is all the time in the world.". Especially in the start of a "relationship".

I'm not sure about the %40 mark...But I'm quite sure that there are plenty of folks on here that have had bad expereinces...Including Dom/me's...

Long and the short of it... You are quite justified in being suspicious of someone who doesn't want to be "known"....

 

[FurryFury]

You've gotten some good safety advice on this thread. I hope you listen to it and implement it.

 

[Brandii]

I will.

I DO want to be owned by someone I like and trust and can RESPECT [big one that one], and I want to give of myself totally within the perimeter of that relationship but I don't want to end up dead or hospitalized or put my immediate family in danger for that matter.

...and

Once we have *THE TALK* he may not want me anyway. He's talking fisting as punishment to a woman who is still yet to learn how to deep throat and hasn't had in person sex in 21 years. I will go slow BELIEVE ME.

 

[Lamont Cranston]

I will.

I DO want to be owned by someone I like and trust and can RESPECT [big one that one], and I want to give of myself totally within the perimeter of that relationship but I don't want to end up dead or hospitalized or put my immediate family in danger for that matter.

...and

Once we have *THE TALK* he may not want me anyway. He's talking fisting as punishment to a woman who is still yet to learn how to deep throat and hasn't had in person sex in 21 years. I will go slow BELIEVE ME.

Brandii,

Don't just walk, run from someone like this. Forget slow, go fast with this one in the rear view mirror.

Sorry, I get the desire to find someone but read the old thread Cat posted the link to. You'll see it all there...

 

[satindesire]

all I'll say, is WTF?

This guy is a true-blue dyed-in-the-wool HNG and has watched WAAAY too much fake BDSM porn. The end.

 

[BiBunny]

all I'll say, is WTF?

This guy is a true-blue dyed-in-the-wool HNG and has watched WAAAY too much fake BDSM porn. The end.

A-yep. Displays most every warning sign in the book.

Brandii, I KNOW you want to be owned. I KNOW you want to explore this exciting new side of you that you've discovered but haven't had a chance to try out yet in real life, but please, please, please be careful and use some common sense. You've got the rest of your life. You lived without this for x number of years before you discovered it. A few more months or even years is not that big a deal. You do NOT have to submit to any jackass who calls himself a Dom. Take what Evil_Geoff says to heart. Assume that everyone you talk to is a creep/is hiding something/is a serial killer/whatever until they've PROVEN to you that they aren't. By "proven," I don't mean a few conversations online, either. You wouldn't go home with just any idiot you met at a bar, would you? Same principle applies here.

I'm not trying to be a bitch. I'm just concerned for your safety. The guy's probably just a harmless HNG, but we don't know that for sure. Even if his intentions are good, you could still be hurt by his (apparent) real-life inexperience and overzealousness. PLEASE be careful. It's so easy for people, especially inexperienced subs, to be taken advantage of.

ETA: I've been owned for close to a year, and he STILL doesn't "command" me to do a damn thing. He speaks to me like I'm a human being and requests that I do something. Anybody who thinks he/she will "command" me to do anything has got another think coming, and I damn sure am not going to take that kind of treatment to some moron on the Internet. You don't have to take that, either, honey. You're better than that.

 

[callinectes]

Don't even waste your time having "the talk" with this dipshit.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

You need regroup girl. I've just read all of your comments and responses and I too feel this guy is not above board. Too many pretentious elements to him. I've spent time with some of the most intense dominants a girl could ever want and not one of them ever commanded me to do anything over the phone and in real life more often than not they strongly suggested or inspired me to do their bidding.

I know how very strong the pull is to belong to someone but please rethink this...fisting as punishment for a task most women and men never accomplish? Scary!

 

[WriterDom]

I don't blame the guys. They are just filling a need. It's the desperate subs that need lecturing. It's the law of supply and demand. As long as there are a steady stream of newbie subs craving ownership, they'll be assholes out there to take advantage of them. Hopefully some will wander over here before they hit the personals.

 

[Bandit58]

Once we have *THE TALK* he may not want me anyway. He's talking fisting as punishment to a woman who is still yet to learn how to deep throat and hasn't had in person sex in 21 years. I will go slow BELIEVE ME.

Fisting as punishment? You could end up badly injured.... To me that's a big red flag right there!

 

[neonflux]

Oh Brandii, at the risk of being a killjoy for the second time in a 24-hour period...

I certainly understand wanting to be wanted and wanting to connect with someone and wanting to fulfill your fantasies. From what you have written:

1. You didn't talk much about anything personal
2. He started giving commands immediately (even before you have even a relationship, much less a contract)
3. He commanded your cell phone # before getting to know you and without giving you any substantial info on himself
4. He didn't express interest in learning anything about you as a person
5. He is expecting you to orgasm on command before giving you any training
6. He plans to punish you for not being able to perform a skill that can take most people a long time to master and with which it seems you have no experience...
7. He is talking fisting as a punishment, again without knowing you...

What is your gut telling you with all of this?

Please, please be careful. Even if he turns out to be an OK guy and is just acting the way he feels that a dominant man should act, I agree with BiBunny that he doesn't have a lot of experience. He may not even be aware of how dangerous certain activities can be (fisting, for example) if not done correctly.

If you do decide to meet him, you have every right to ask him where he's gotten or plans to get his experience, what toys he's skilled in, how many people he's played with before, how he plans to taking care of you and your safety, etc... Anyone truly experienced and worth their salt would welcome such questions and have greater respect for you for asking them.

Neon

 

[CutieMouse]

No no nononononono.

What is there to "talk" about? Read Neon's point by point list- it contains every single freaking warning sign that this guy is not safe. Run. Block his calls, block him on IM, please god/dess tell me he doesn't have your address, and run.

I know that sounds weird, given that I'm rush rush rushing right along, and flying out of the country to meet a guy 3 weeks after he responded to my personals ad, but other than the brief conversation we had to assess we did have similar BDSM interests, we've spent the last 5-6 days getting to know each other as people, and he's been the first to offer information or suggestions on how to make me and my close friends feel more comfortable about me doing this insane thing I'm doing. Compare that to how this "dom" is behaving...

Please be safe.

 

[Brandii]

Update

Okay... long story shortened.

He did ring and after realizing it was actually him on the other end, I obviously was less enthusiastic talking to him than the last time I spoke to him, which he picked up. The call was short and he said he'd talk to me online.

When he came online later on the dating site I met him on, he wanted to know what the problem was and I told him. His reply to that was "that I wasn't behaving very sub-like now." I basically told him that I was not the type of sub he needed, I need to go slow and I needed to learn the basics with someone I trust to which he kept saying he'd train me in a way as befitting a sub.

He wasn't listening to me and if I learnt anything from B, he always listened and even more than that he heard and understood even when I wasn't saying it right.

Writer Dom was correct in what he said. This guy was answering a profile I'd written with a purpose in mind... I wanted to sort the wheat from the chaff and draw the Dominant males on the site to me...

I'm thinking maybe I should wait for the right Dom to find me instead of me manipulating profiles to find him.

But, just so you all know... this guy is history.

 

[CutieMouse]

Okay... long story shortened...

I'm thinking maybe I should wait for the right Dom to find me instead of me manipulating profiles to find him.

But, just so you all know... this guy is history.

I'm glad to hear he's gone.

If you manipulate a profile to find a Dom, he'll be the "perfect Dom" for THAT profile... be yourself and you'll get the right Dom for YOU.

 

[WriterDom]

I'm not so sure about the instant Master hook-up thing. It works for some, but for every catalina/francisco success story there are 9 that didn't work out, and some of those went bad in a hurry.

 

[neonflux]

Brandii, thank you for the update. And ditto on CMs comment about being yourself - but it sounds like you've already figured that out. Neon