Quotes

[oggbashan]

From a modern update of Ambrose Bierce's The Devil's Dictionary:

Absurdity - A statement of belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce

Acting - Farting about in disguise. Peter O'Toole

Actor - A man who can do nothing extremely well. Alfred Hitchcock

Adore - To venerate expectantly. Ambrose Bierce

Advertisements - The only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. Mark Twain

 

[R. Richard]

Lies - If a polician's are moving and sound is coming out, you have lies. R. Richard

 

[shoulderblade]

Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forewards.

Kierkegaard

 

[oggbashan]

Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, 1st edition 1941

From 'English Literature - Anonymous':

Adam
Had 'em
(On the Antiquity of Microbes)

Always welcome, keep it handy,
Grant's Morella Cherry Brandy.
(Advertisement)

A willing foe and sea room.
(Naval toast at the time of Nelson)

Be happy while ye'r leevin,
For y'er a lang time deid.
(Scottish Motto for a house)

Good Morning! Have you used Pear's Soap?
(Advertisement)

Here lies Fred,
Who was alive and is dead:
Had it been his father,
I had much rather;
Had it been his brother,
Still better than another;
Had it been his sister,
No one would have missed her;
Had it been the whole generation,
Still better for the nation:
But since 'tis only Fred,
Who was alive and is dead, -
There's no more to be said.
(Epitaph for King George II)

I feel no pain dear mother now
But oh, I am so dry!
O take me to a brewery
And leave me there to die.
(Sea shanty)

The children of Lord Lytton organised a charade. The scene displayed a Crusader knight returning from the wars. At his gate he was welcomed by his wife to whom he recounted his triumphs and the number of heathen he had slain.

His wife, pointing to a row of dolls of various sizes, replied with pride,

"And I too, my lord, have not been idle."

 

[shoulderblade]

There is a secret person undamaged in every individual

Paul Sheperd

It's all the young can do for the old, to shock them and keep them up to date

G. B. Shaw

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

A couple of quotes from some famous Canadians:


"We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us." - Andy Barrie, radio personality

"A Canadian is someone who knows how to make love in a canoe." - Pierre Berton, author

"You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape." - Red Green, actor, comedian

"The trouble with photographing beautiful women is that you never get into the dark room until after they've gone." - Yousuf Karsh, photographer

"In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies." - Stephen Leacock, teacher, political scientist, writer, and humorist

 

[oggbashan]

Oxford - Latin

Da mihi castitatem et continentiam, sed noli modo.

Give me chastity and continency, but not yet.
St Augustine (354-430AD)

Cui dono lepidem novem libellum
Arido modo pumice expolitum?

Here's my small book out, nice and new,
Fresh bound - Whom shall I give it to?
Catullus (87-54BC)

Brevis esse laboro, obscuros fio.

It is when I am struggling to be brief that I become unintelligible.

Mediocribus esse poetis non homines, non di, non concessare columnae.

To poets to be second-rate is a privilege which neither men, nor Gods, nor bookstalls ever allowed.
Both - Horace (65-8BC)

Tenet insanabile multos scribendi cacoethes et aegro in corde senescit.

An inveterate itch of writing, now incurable, clings to many, and grows old in their distempered body.
Juvenal (AD60 - c130)

Pro captu lectoris habent sua fata libelli.

The fate of books depends on the capacity of the reader.
Terentianus Maurus (about AD 200)

 

[Handley_Page]

To the friends on Lit, in a toast:-

May we live to learn well, and learn to live well.
May you live as long as you want,
and never want as long as you live.

 

[shoulderblade]

A couple of Canadian quotes for VB.

Americans are our best friends - whether we like it or not.

Robert Thompson

An arena
large as Europe
Silent
waiting the contest

F.R. Scott

Also

"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."

Hunter S Thompson

 

[TexasWife25]

a few i always liked

“It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.” - Ronald Reagan

"Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"
-Firefly

“From time to time it's fun to close our eyes, and in that dark say to ourselves, 'I am the sorcerer, and when I open my eyes I shall see a world that I have created, and for which I and only I am completely responsible.' Slowly then, eyelids open like curtains lifting stage-center. And sure enough, there's our world, just the way we've built it.”
-- Richard Bach, The Bridge Across Forever


“You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe.”
-- J. Michael Straczynski, Marcus Cole, Babylon 5, A Late Delivery from Avalon

 

[shoulderblade]

The oldest books are only just out to those who have not read them.

Samuel Butler

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Mark Twain

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

Yogi Berra