Quotes, commas, periods...

[dr_mabeuse]

I want to see if I can get this straight.

A. “He acted alone,” he said. “But someone helped him escape.”

but

B. “He acted alone.” He turned to the butler accusingly, “but someone helped him escape.”

or

C. “He acted alone.” He turned to the butler accusingly. “But someone helped him escape.”

or what? What combination of commas, periods, and capitalization is correct?

---dr.M.

 

[HawaiiBill]

Now that you mention it . . .

For me, it's none of the above.

I suggest:

“He acted alone,” he said, “but someone helped him escape.”

 

[hiddenself]

B was terribly confusing to me. I didn't know what was happening in the second sentence. And A and C sound very awkward too. I know you're trying to relay that accusatory pointed pause in speech, but something's not right in any of those ways.

“He acted alone,” he said and turned to (stare at) the butler accusingly.

“But someone helped him escape.”

(or you can put the whole together without breaking into a new paragraph)

 

[snooper]

HawaiiBill is right.

 

[Madame Manga]

The dialog here is a complete sentence:

"He acted alone, but someone helped him (to) escape."

The dialog tag "he said" is a form of parenthetical expression and should be set off with commas within the sentence. HawaiiBill's example is correct.

Your (C) option is grammatically defensible, since it is a series of three complete sentences, but not ideal except in special circumstances. To combine a couple of examples:

"He acted alone." With a withering look of accusation, he turned to the butler. "But someone aided his escape."

MM

 

[Honey123]

When a character is thinking to themselves - how do you put their thoughts. Do you put it quotes? Do you put it in Italics?

Any help would be a big help.

Thank you

 

[Madame Manga]

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=219761&highlight=thoughts

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=213419&highlight=thoughts

A couple of threads on the subject.

MM

 

[snooper]

When a character is thinking to themselves - how do you put their thoughts. Do you put it quotes? Do you put it in Italics?

Personally, and I stress that deliberately, I use single quotes for thoughts and double quotes for speech.

E.g.:

'No chance,' he thought; aloud he said, "I might consider that."

 

[Carillon]

Honey123,

Here are some ideas on how to represent one of your character's thoughts. Please keep in mind that I certainly don't claim to be an expert; these are just my personal opinions on what works and what doesn't.

First of all, have you considered representing the thought as indirect discourse as opposed to direct discourse? An example of this would be instead of trying to write something like

"God, he's never looked better," she thought.

you could try and write something along these lines:

She couldn't help thinking that he'd never looked better.

This is a neat method of essentially circumventing the sometimes confusing issue of how to represent those pesky thoughts that are floating around in your characters' heads.

Personally, I agree with the point that ProofreadManx brought up on 12/18/2003 in the thread Madame Manga has so kindly referenced: When one of your characters is thinking, even to himself, you do not need to explicitly state this. For example, I did not write

"God, he's never looked better," she thought to herself.

because the "to herself", as ProofreadManx pointed out, would be redundant; it is simply not necessary.

If you do decide to go with direct discourse and do not want to use quotation marks, you still have several options. I have not often encountered the use of quotation marks that Snooper describes, but I have seen thoughts expressed in a similar form to dialogue but without quotation marks. An example of this is:

God, he's never looked better, she thought.

Personally, I don't like this method. I prefer to use italics, as shown here:

God, he's never looked better, she thought.

Or, perhaps even better:

Susan couldn't take her eyes off Mark as he moved towards her through the crowd. God, he's never looked better. Before she could silence her thoughts, Mark was at her side.

For me, the italics are on the whole quite unambiguous and clear. Most readers will understand that this is a private thought and not spoken dialogue. However, in the end this is one of those matters that is so heatedly discussed at times because there are very few clear rules. The only thing that I would insist upon is that you find a method that you are comfortable using and stick to it. If you are consistent with whatever method you choose few, if any, readers will likely complain.

Good luck, and happy writing

~Carillon