quick

[destinie21]

I just had four new poems posted within a matter of hours.
Check them out and give a little feedback if you'd like.
Love Tap
Runner
Strange Fruit
Truth

 

[Maria2394]

hey Destinie!! were up late, arent we

I already read your new poems..they're great, especially strange fruit..I loved it!! and Im pretty sure I voted AND sent feedback..been doing that for about an hour now..I hope all these people that dont send it to me appreciate that I do it for them...( just kiddin, I do it cause it makes me feel good

I enjoy your work!! keep it up maria

 

[destinie21]

hey Destinie!! were up late, arent we

I already read your new poems..they're great, especially strange fruit..I loved it!! and Im pretty sure I voted AND sent feedback..been doing that for about an hour now..I hope all these people that dont send it to me appreciate that I do it for them...( just kiddin, I do it cause it makes me feel good

I enjoy your work!! keep it up maria

Thanks alot
BTW I did get one piece of feedback but it was anon. I guess that was you
Regards

 

[Maria2394]

I rarely, if ever send Fb anonymous..I figure if I have something to say, I say it, no reason to hide behind anonymity but sometimes I sign it M, or julie or maria2394..depends on my mood
later, M

 

[Angeline]

I just sent you one on Strange Fruit, which is a wow of a poem. It's late, so I'll look at the others tomorrow.

Update: It's tomorrow. I looked. They're all very good, well-written (there's a "to" that should be "too" in one--which I of course forgot to jot down, sorry!) I still think Strange Fruit is easily the best, followed by Runner. I think what distinguishes those two for me is that there's a more natural "voice" in them (and Strange especially is very strongly narrative--love the line about sour grapes; to me that sort of detail brings a poem to life). The others seem more distant, somehow, as if you've stepped back a bit. Mind you, they're excellent poems--that's just something I see in comparison.

And I really think you could get Strange Fruit into a literary ezine or a print literary journal. All of this is, of course, just my opinion, lol.

 

[Angeline]

And Maria, I sent ya feedback. I even remembered the poem. So there!

 

[jthserra]

Strange Fruit

In reading your poem "Strange Fruit" I was bothered by your alluding to Nina Simone, an obvious reference to the song "Strange Fruit" made famous by Billie Holiday, written by Lewis Allen. While your poem was basically about an odd but mysterious lover... the song you mention was about a strange fruit: a black man lynched, burned and left hanging on a tree.

While the metaphor of strange fruit might work for an odd, but delectable lover, the very famous song by the same name adds a twist to the poem that I don't think you were looking for. The mention of Nina Simone who recorded a version of the song accents this twist.

I think with this poem, you have written an excellent poem with a powerful image. It will work with someone unfamiliar with the song Strange Fruit, but for people familiar with the song, especially us older folk, the images the song burned into our minds is too strong to ignore. In fact, when I red the title of your poem, I immediately thought you were going to write of the lynchings, much like Joy Harjo did a few years ago about a lynching that happened in the early 1990s.

This is part of the beauty and baggage poets must work with in using language as an art. Certain words and phrases often carry a meaning far beyond simple usage. It is up to us to manipulate that meaning.

I think, beyond the images created by the song, you have an excellent poem. The idea of an odd fruit as a metaphor for an odd lover is excellent and the image you create works well. I would recommend removing the reference to Nina Simone and the song. You also might consider modifying the title. There is a chance your poem could stand on its own beneath the weight of the title, but the old Billie Holiday song is a heavyweight.

You might consider this critique/observation as just some mutterings from the over the hill gang, but that was how it struck me, an over the hill person.

jim

 

[destinie21]

Re: Strange Fruit

Actually I know the song and the theme well blood on the leaves and blood on the roots and all and I wasnt being glib when I used that reference. I was simply noting in my own way that the line has orgins in the old blues song. Also the poem is about being a lesbian but straying into a hetrosexual relationship. Labels are a big part of sexuality and while you may not appreciate it, the people in my life were willing to lynch him and me in an emotional sense. I purposely used the reference.

 

[Angeline]

Labels are a big part of sexuality and while you may not appreciate it, the people in my life were willing to lynch him and me in an emotional sense. I purposely used the reference.

Yep. This was my take on the poem--that labels are part of every "ism," and to be a person of color and a lesbian is a double whammy in terms of racists, sexists, homophobes, whatever wanting to lynch either literally or metaphorically. Thus the title, for me, is not only appropriate, it's effective.

And I love jazz and blues, and know Strange Fruit was Lady Day's signiture song, but it has been covered by many (even Ella) so the Nina reference didn't bother me. Although Des, I've read that Billie was probably Bi (she allegedly had an affair with Tallulah Bankhead, for one), so maybe a reference to her instead of Nina would work better. (Not that I know much about Nina--just a thought).

Also, I have an advantage--Unlike Jim, I've been here a while, and read Des' other posts, so I immediately knew where she was going with the poem. Anyway, I think a strong reader reaction of any kind tells one something about a poem's power.

 

[DiJiT]

Hello Destinie, I just read your poem "Strange Fruit". The sybolism was ery well writen and well thought out. I don't think that the referance to the blues song was misplaced at all. I think that it enhanced the emotion and thought that people will put into reading you work.
Keep up the submissions and PLEASE send me some feedback on my work.