Quick Research Question--Anyone?

[lesbiaphrodite]

In my next story, I'm incorporating an e-romance. There's a lonely lesbian who meets a woman online and they start chatting on a daily basis. They seem to have much in common and really grow close over time. Dramatic problem comes when lonely lesbian finds out that her soul-mate is not a woman. She's a man pretending to be a woman for the sake of this love affair. From here, I could go a number of different ways. But, for the sake of intrigue, I'd like to know how you'd react if you found out your e-romance person was the opposite gender of what they had told you?

 

[BonsaiBeauty]

Hi,

Interesting idea and fascinating on some level. I'm bisexual, so I guess I can offer my perspective from both sides, so to speak.

If I were having an cyber-thing with someone for awhile and they switched genders on me, I'd be a little upset initially because I like honesty. Then again, I also know that sometimes people want to explore fantasies online more than anything else. And, since I am looking for the same qualities in either a male or female partner, I probably would be all right with it.

This is all hypothetical, so it's difficult to be certain how I would react in reality. But, I think I would be open to continuing the exploration of the other person, regardless of their gender.

If I "fell" for the person, it's the person inside anyway, so gender wouldn't be the issue.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I had a flirting / cybering with what I thought was a sexy blonde about 10 years ago. Great imagination, even some photos that were exceptionally arousing. Not so much a romantic relationship but a "friends with benefits" kind of thing. Come to find out the typist was a guy, the photos his ex-girlfriend. It was disappointing, and disturbing to think I could be fooled so easily. The idea of him being a guy wasn't that big of a deal because in my head it was always a woman I was interacting with. Once he was "outed" he disappeared without a word.

Live and learn I guess.

 

[Guest]

I had a flirting / cybering with what I thought was a sexy blonde about 10 years ago. Great imagination, even some photos that were exceptionally arousing. Not so much a romantic relationship but a "friends with benefits" kind of thing. Come to find out the typist was a guy, the photos his ex-girlfriend. It was disappointing, and disturbing to think I could be fooled so easily. The idea of him being a guy wasn't that big of a deal because in my head it was always a woman I was interacting with. Once he was "outed" he disappeared without a word.

Live and learn I guess.

I would feel betrayed a bit, perhaps foolish, certainly embarrassed.

If I was writing a Lit story, I'd probably have the character become aroused, though.



(Salvor - I'm still a girl.)

 

[Brute_Force]

I guess I'd be a little upset and confused by it. I don't think I would end the interaction. I'd just try to understand what happened, maybe still be friends.

 

[cloudy]

I would feel betrayed a bit, perhaps foolish, certainly embarrassed.

If I was writing a Lit story, I'd probably have the character become aroused, though.



(Salvor - I'm still a girl.)

ditto this.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

I would feel betrayed a bit, perhaps foolish, certainly embarrassed.

If I was writing a Lit story, I'd probably have the character become aroused, though.



(Salvor - I'm still a girl.)

mmmmmmmmmmmmm good.

I think I would have felt worse if I was more connected or attached. But it was just sex chat, nothing deep or profound. More like interactive smut.

(please stay girl )

 

[evanslily]

It's possible

I guess to some extent it would depend on how much the man pretending to be a woman alluded to their pretend feminity.

For example, you can fall in love with someone through their hopes and dreams, their values, their outlook on life, etc. In other words, not just the physical side of things. But on the other hand, if the man pretending to be a woman had cybersex with the other woman, describing her own 'pussy' and 'breasts', etc., etc., then, yeah, I'd find that hard to get over. That really would be deceitful.

I'm of the belief (need to be careful here, because I don't want to start something... )that we are as equally capable of falling in love with a member of the same sex as we are with a member of the opposite sex, given a certain set of circumstances. So if your heroine was to fall for the qualities displayed by her Internet friend, then yes, it could be possible for a relationship to follow.

Just my HO, though.

Lily

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

ditto this.

You too!

 

[Guest]

mmmmmmmmmmmmm good.

I think I would have felt worse if I was more connected or attached. But it was just sex chat, nothing deep or profound. More like interactive smut.

(please stay girl )

Come to the next Lit-together in Chicago and find out.

 

[rgraham666]

Myself, I'd feel betrayed and a lot hurt. That would be the end of it.

I don't even like my gender as a general rule. I can't see falling in love with another man. I'm just not wired that way.

 

[Guest]

Myself, I'd feel betrayed and a lot hurt. That would be the end of it.

I don't even like my gender as a general rule. I can't see falling in love with another man. I'm just not wired that way.

The ladies of Lit are glad.

 

[bluebell]

Gobbledygook. No, I don't care if I spelled that wrong.

I think BB had a very good point about loving the person for the person, and not their gender.
That being said, however, I think there are some people who wouldn't be as open-minded and gracious as that. At least not at first.
Perhaps once this character had time to sit on the idea it would be different, but I suppose where you decide to go will have to stem from what kind of woman this is.
Is she shy? Insecure? Really experienced? A free-spirit?
Would she be more bothered about the deception or whether he'd been truthful about everything save his gender?

As for me, I don't know. Things are so situational, and it would depend on how long I'd been speaking to that person.
I do think I would be taken aback but unless I found out that everything, not just the gender, had been lied about, I probably wouldn't go off the deep end.
Although if there was some major hurt involved, I can't say I'd be all that happy to resume speaking for awhile, if ever.
Oh dear. That's about the most generic answer one could give.

Come to find out the typist was a guy, the photos his ex-girlfriend. It was disappointing, and disturbing to think I could be fooled so easily.

Holy weirdness, Batman.

I think one of my main concerns about the whole thing is not necessarily the behavior, but the intent and reasoning behind it.
If people are just getting kicks out of it, that's a little sick.
If this guy in Dite's story was doing it purely because this woman wouldn't speak to him any other way, that's different.

I dunno. Maybe I'm the odd duck about it because I always want to know motives and "why's?"
Even with story characters.
I think it goes back to the feeling that, online, you have to wait to get a sense of someone. You have to know who they are and what makes them tick and what shape they've taken in real life, online, and in your mind.
Like here on the AH, for example. It can be really difficult to talk to posters who aren't giving you something concrete to stand on about themselves.
In a medium where words and nuances are everything, wisps of personality aren't really going to cut it, especially if you're a real person looking to get to know another real person.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Anyone who reads the Feedback Forum will see me say again and again, "MAKE IT FUCKING REAL".

As far as real-life reaction to this situation, a trust has been broken. Once broken it's nearly impossible to mend.

In Fiction, however, there is a bit more leeway. I can see either shock followed by anger or shock followed by sexual attachment. In a story it would work either way.

 

[Stella_Omega]

In my experience-- hell hath no fury like a "genuine" lesbian fooled in such a manner as this. It hits her in about a a dozen sore spots, personal, social, political. Here are some thoughts that might go through her head;

1; "I don't like being lied to, and I feel humiliated to be duped this way."

2; "The thought of sex with a man makes me nauseous."(it does, to many lesbians, you know)

2; "This fuckwad Male can't be satisfied with all of the women he already has as possible mates-- he has to lie, cheat, and acquire lesbians too."

So a lot would depend on your character's flexibility...

 

[BlackShanglan]

Yes, I think that a genuine lesbian would be irate and hurt - much the same as a straight man or woman who'd been played a similar trick.

With that said, we need to get your male together with my current lead. They're made for each other. *laugh*

 

[BlackShanglan]

Hi,

Interesting idea and fascinating on some level. I'm bisexual, so I guess I can offer my perspective from both sides, so to speak.

If I were having an cyber-thing with someone for awhile and they switched genders on me, I'd be a little upset initially because I like honesty. Then again, I also know that sometimes people want to explore fantasies online more than anything else. And, since I am looking for the same qualities in either a male or female partner, I probably would be all right with it.

This is all hypothetical, so it's difficult to be certain how I would react in reality. But, I think I would be open to continuing the exploration of the other person, regardless of their gender.

If I "fell" for the person, it's the person inside anyway, so gender wouldn't be the issue.

Ah, lovely. That's pretty much where I am, personally; nice to know that I'm not alone out here. I think that if LA's central character was built more this way, it could still work - but if the character is strongly aligned to one gender and doesn't view the online fantasy world in the same amiable light, trouble is a-brewin'.

 

[SimpleGifts]

One of the earliest news stories about an online relationship recounted a situation that I believe was somewhat similar--a woman who posed as a man, who became romantically involved with a woman, both in her actual female persona and in her male persona. I'll try to find a link--makes for an interesting read.

SG

 

[tickledkitty]

I'd be pretty upset, because I am another one who demands honesty. I try to, anyway. I wouldn't correspond with this person further.

However, writing it is a different story. I'd probably have the person be upset at first but then get over it. They'd end up being lovers anyway.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes, I think that a genuine lesbian would be irate and hurt - much the same as a straight man or woman who'd been played a similar trick.

With that said, we need to get your male together with my current lead. They're made for each other. *laugh*

Ooh, ooh-- I know!

Let both of them be men, pretending to be lesbians!

(I'm channelling shereads, aren't I?

 

[Boota]

I love the idea for this story. Great potential.

My take, especially considering that the writer is god of his/her world, is that if you want something to happen you can make it happen. Just be real about it. Don't make your characters step out of character to make something happen that shouldn't. And they'll tell you if you do it.

 

[lesbiaphrodite]

Thank you all SO much for your insights on this. I have some great ideas now of how to let the story progress, and I owe it to you guys. I'll keep you posted and let you know when I submit it. Again, merci beaucoup!

Peace,
LA

 

[rgraham666]

De rien.

 

[Vermilion]

If this happened to me irl I would feel utterly betrayed and the relationship would end.

If I was writing this the character would feel utterly betrayed and the relationship would end *but* I would have the experience open them up emotionally so that they would be able to find love with someone else. Of course, that requires you to have them all cold and closed up before the on-line relationship developed...

When it ended it would probably leave them vulnerable and scared and they would be very likely to turn to someone for comfort - that person could then find a way into their heart.

Does that help at all?

x
V

 

[Vermilion]

I think I'd have to add that someone lied to me on the net once after we'd developed a relationship, and it wasn;t anything as big as being the wrong gender. You just can;t trust anything said by them again, you feel *so* stupid you can;t trust yourself either and a kneejerk reaction would probably be to withdraw from the internet entirely, too, for a while.

x
V