Questions needing answers

[SubmissiveDove5]

I am new to the d/s lifestyle. Actually, I have so many questions about it that I'm not really sure it's what I want. I had never heard of it before I met my Master. There are going to be many more questions, but I'll start with this one:

Does not desiring pain not make me submissive?

Jen

 

[ammre]

you can be submissive in other matters.....
humiliation
diciplining yourself for your dom
bondage
etc...

 

[catalina_francisco]

Welcome to the board..feel free to ask as many questions as you need to. You will also find lots of valueable reading in our library. There are so many dimensions to submission, pain does not have to be one of them if that is not what you are into. Many D/s relationships do not have any painplay or even bondage in them. It is good to explore whether that is a limit for you before committing to a relationship as it is not going to be easy if you become involved with a Dominant who has a need for it on some level. Compromises can be made in some areas of difference, but to do so with pain if it is an area you feel strongly about not involving can have many negative effects on both you and the relationship.

Catalina

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Re:

That's good to know. Because of my multiple disabilities and events in my life, I don't welcome pain at any level, however I am willing to involve myself in some bondage if my master likes that sort of thing. I can tolerate it for him.

It does bring up another question though. Where does love fit into all of this? I mean, I know two people can't automatically love each other upon first sight. It does take time, but is love ever really involved from both sides. I love him and he says he loves me, but does he really? I can't be in a relationship without real love.

Thankss for letting me voice my questions and concerns. I know I should ask my master some of these, but I don't want to hurt or humiliate him. I don't really know if asking these things would cause those feelings, but they might.

Jen

 

[Mr Blonde]

I had a helpful reply in this space but am removing it after reading their next post (04-07-2004 02:02 PM). Someone else can waste their time with this shit, but it stinks when trolls waste our time.

 

[Esclava]

Welcome SD5!

You have come to the right place to learn what will, undoubtably, be a life-changing experience for you. We welcome questions and answers (as you can see).

We also welcome the meek, timid, shy, angelic, demonic , boastful, raucous, followers, leaders, attackers, and warriors (just to name a few) from every where in the world they are to be found. Personally, I am a non-maso sub - meaning one of my limits is masochistic pain. I can take a spanking with the best of them and a beating pushes my limits (so far), but any pain over my ability to tolerate, triggers something in me that makes me rebellious - angry enough to fight back. So, I try to share that up front and it is not negotiable. If they have a desire to issue sadistic pain, they must find a masochist to receive it. But I am not the one.

Can love have a place in these relationships? Yes and absolutely! You have received a response from one whom I have had a bit deeper interaction with and felt the love in her relationship come across the miles as the written words came across the screen. Such love can be deep and abiding - soul chaining and everlasting. But I believe you must be willing to accept that you cannot drag baggage or luggage from past relationships or other issues into it. Your relationship with Master MUST stand on its own merit.

Be gentle to yourself as you learn. Ask Master to be gentle as well and promise that you will learn as quickly as you are able to fulfill his desires. He will be pleased with every step you take as you advance to that place where the two of you might be one in each other's love.

Esclava

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

Starting to feel a little better

I do try to keep my past out of our relationship, although it's not easy. I was emotionally damaged when I was about fifteen by a young man I loved very much. Now that I think of it, it was pretty much a d/s relationship, but neither of us knew that at the time. He just wanted to use me to get money, and I let him because I was head over heels. He used to tell me all about how we were going to get married and have children, and I believed him. Eventually he told me that he was gay and he was leaving me. I don't have anything against homosexuality, but it made me question my own preferences for a while. Anyway I've told Master all about that. He did tell me to forget about it because it was part of my past, so I try my best. Now Master has mentioned having children with me someday. I do want to believe him, but sometimes I start wondering if I'm going to get disappointed. I think he's even mentioned marriage. Once, I told him my last name. He said he liked it and it was a shame I'd have to give it up. I like the way it sounds and I hope it happens, but again I wonder if I'm getting my hopes up.

Not long after I met Master, he told me to go online and read about submission, so I did. He told me that he garenteed that ninety-nine percent of it was more extreme then either of us would want, but I would find it interesting. He was right, I did find it interesting, but I also found it kind of scarey. Some of it sounds so unamerican to me. Becoming someone's pet and sleeping on the floor doesn't exactly make me want to rush off into my relationship. I will be my Master's Mistress/submissive, but I will not be his slave. I hope there's a difference.

 

[Esclava]

Re: Starting to feel a little better

<snip> Anyway I've told Master all about that. He did tell me to forget about it because it was part of my past, so I try my best. Now Master has mentioned having children with me someday. I do want to believe him, but sometimes I start wondering if I'm going to get disappointed. I think he's even mentioned marriage. Once, I told him my last name. He said he liked it and it was a shame I'd have to give it up. I like the way it sounds and I hope it happens, but again I wonder if I'm getting my hopes up.

<snip> Becoming someone's pet and sleeping on the floor doesn't exactly make me want to rush off into my relationship. I will be my Master's Mistress/submissive, but I will not be his slave. I hope there's a difference.

Master gave you very sound advice to forget about the past. Always live in the here and now. Someone told me to dream as though you'll live forever, but live as though there is no tomorrow and you will probably keep your sanity much longer. Also, do not fret the marriage hopes. Just believe that what is to be, will happen in its own time. If it does not, your life will not shatter, but you will pick up the piece that broke off and continue living.

<smiling profusely>

In those last two sentences alone, you listed 5 different members of the M/s-D/s community. Yes, there are differences and you and Master will have to explore those options together. If you are his submissive, you may never become his Mistress. If you are his submissive, you need not be his pet. If you become his slave, you, also, need not be his pet - but it opens up a whole different realm of responsibilities for him as Master and for you as slave. I am a slave. Keep reading and asking...

Esclava

 

[SubmissiveDove5]

My ideal relationship

I know it's been a few days since I have posted on this board. I needed to think about everything everyone has said, and I have also done more reading. I thank everyone who has given me tips and advice. They are greatly appreciated.

I guess one of my pet peeves about this lifestyle is having to call him "Master." Let me re-phrase that: I don't mind calling him "Master" at certain times, but I have a problem calling him that every minute of everyday. I have re-read some of the emails and conversations we have had, and I think that won't be a problem, but I am not sure. I will have to ask him about that. I do not know if I am thinking on the right level, but it kind of makes it sound impersonal, especially during intimate moments. I will call him "Master" sometimes but not constantly. I hope he will agree with me.

My ideal relationship is where my lover/husband and I are not only lover but best friends as well as soul mates. We share everything. I would do anything he asks of me within reason and vice versa. I will listen to his problems and he will listen to mine. We'll know everything about each other, dreams, fantasies, goals etc. Is this too much for me to ask for? Am I dreaming?

 

[SwtSouthrnSub]

Re: My ideal relationship

.

 

[Etoile]

I had a helpful reply in this space but am removing it after reading their next post (04-07-2004 02:02 PM). Someone else can waste their time with this shit, but it stinks when trolls waste our time.

I'm utterly confused. What are you referring to?

 

[s'lara]

SubDove, please see the link below from our Library which deals specifically with exploration in the BDSM lifestyle. Many of the threads deal with emotions associated with finding and exploring BDSM practices.

Good luck to you on your explorations and may they be enjoyable and safe.

lara

Exploration Thread