Questions for the single women

[sophia jane]

I got married fairly young and settled right into married life/motherhood. Now, beginning the divorce process, I am faced with being single again. The problem- I have no experience with the single scene, dating with kids, etc. So I could really use some advice from those of you who are a little more experienced than I am.

I don't have any other single girl friends to go out with, so I've been very hesitant to go out on my own. But I'm feeling "ready" to meet people/get out of the house more. Is it weird to go to a bar on your own? Any suggestions/tips for that? What's the best way to meet other single people? Any other tips or suggestions would be very welcome. I'm totally out of my element now that I'm single again (obviously!). I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, since I'm involved with someone long distance, but I would really like to get out more and have some fun.

Thanks!!!

SJ

 

[BlackShanglan]

Is it weird to go to a bar on your own? Any suggestions/tips for that? What's the best way to meet other single people?

I think that the best advice for either gender is to seek out groups of people doing the things you like to do. That is, if you like going to bars, go a lively one that seems to attract people of your age. If you like animals, volunteer at a local shelter. If you like scuba-diving, check the local dive shop for group trips and for people looking for dive buddies. If you're into painting or writing, check the local community events listings for workshops or artist circles. Whatever you choose, make sure that it's something you enjoy and that connects with the kind of life you live and the goals you have for yourself. That way, you're a great deal more likely to meet someone whose tastes and interests sync well with yours. It can be fun to seek out "hot single spots" if that's the kind of life you typically lead anyway, but if you end up doing things you're not really interested in just to meet people, you're more likely to meet people you're not interested in either.

Shanglan

 

[cloudy]

I got married fairly young and settled right into married life/motherhood. Now, beginning the divorce process, I am faced with being single again. The problem- I have no experience with the single scene, dating with kids, etc. So I could really use some advice from those of you who are a little more experienced than I am.

I don't have any other single girl friends to go out with, so I've been very hesitant to go out on my own. But I'm feeling "ready" to meet people/get out of the house more. Is it weird to go to a bar on your own? Any suggestions/tips for that? What's the best way to meet other single people? Any other tips or suggestions would be very welcome. I'm totally out of my element now that I'm single again (obviously!). I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship, since I'm involved with someone long distance, but I would really like to get out more and have some fun.

Thanks!!!

SJ

Even if your friends aren't single, I'm sure they could use a girls' night out every once in awhile. Several years ago (when I was single), there was a group of about 5 or 6 of us that went out about once a month. Some of us were single, some married, and some in live-in relationships, but we still had a great time. We would go to a local bar, dance our asses off, drink way more than we should, and then all crash at one house.

Make sure that even your married/involved friends are involving you in their activities - I'm sure that not all of their friends are spoken for, and informal barbeques, or just hanging out is a non-nerve inducing way to make new friends.

Is there a hobby you like to do that you can maybe find a group to do it with? This sounds corny as hell, but when I was in my late twenties/early thirties, I played church-league softball (competitive as hell in the south, I promise), and then there were a few of us that joined a Wednesday night bowling league - we didn't care if we won or not, our objective was to have as much fun as possible (we wound up smack in the middle at the end of the year, score-wise, but ended up winning "best sportsmanship" simply because we honestly didn't give a shit whether we won or lost).

Get a dog - no, seriously. Walking a dog is a great way to meet people in your neighborhood.

Just get yourself out of the house as much as you can, and you'll have tons of new friends/interesting acquaintances in no time.

Good luck.

(and I'm jealous - maybe one of these days....)

 

[Guest]

Can a married guy oofer advice?

Excellent advice from Cloudy.

Her mention of softball made me think of another piece of advice you might find odd coming from a "porn writer". Do you go to church? I think it your state it is a law, but maybe not. Anyway, it is a good way to meet other adults. I am not especially religious, but I never enjoyed church more than when my famly was away for a few weeks. The adult company was nice every Sunday.

There will be men your age there who are themselves single dad's, or never married men. Being that you have met in church, their dating behavor just might, might, be a shade better.

And I think you should give some thought to keeping your kids lives completly segregated from your dating life. They don't need to know you are out on a date, but maybe out with your friends. My wife and I didn't expose me to her <backspace, backspace,backspace> our son until we were practically engaged.

And be willing to consider a blind date. I had exactly two in my life, both in my 30's. The second was a bit odd (a 35 year old virgin). But the first, setup by a married co-worker who has to be the horniest woman I ever met, was spectacular. We didn't fall in love, but the sparks we thru off for a few months were palatable. In dating, anything with a 50% success rate is worth looking at closer.

Parents without Partners? Meet others in the same boat. Support, friendship, covered dishes.

Even Lit has its value to you. I'm hope hereyou find support and validation as a desirable and sexy woman.

Anyway, my two cents.

 

[sophia jane]

Thanks for the ideas!

I hesitate to go the church route because of my own personal beliefs and because the area where I live is already super conservative. I definitely need to look into what kinds of groups, etc meet in my area that I would find interesting (a great idea Shang).

to all of you.

SJ

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Take up a hobby. Since I am an avid diver, I highly reccomend diving. It's a sport wehre you have to have a partner and group dives are common. You meet tons of people and there are boards as well as clubs devoted to it.

Of course you can pick anything, whatever you have an interest in. There are local garden clubs etc. Something you enjoy doing will connect you with people who have at least a similar interest. It's a lot better starting point than hoping a guy at the bar has something in common with you, other than being at the bar

 

[matriarch]

I was married for 32 years.........starting over gets kind of tricky after that length of time, believe me.......with two grown up sons. Personally, I'm revelling in the long-awaited freedom to just be me, do my things - or not. Sleep in, eat what I like. I know that'll be hard for you with kids.

But I guess what all the others have said applies. Look for people with similar interests. Don't look for relationships, look for friendship and companionship. At the moment, with kids, and feeling isolated, those friendships could become mega-important in the future. I have a couple of close friends where I live, one I spend Friday evening with, every week, and a group of women where I work, all ages, all status.......we meet up, maybe once a month for the movies, bowling, a meal, a walk, a simple evening together in one of our homes (those who are in relationships, jettison the partner for the evening). Its fun, relaxed and non-stressful.

Clubs and societies may be corny, but they work.

Good luck, and ENJOY your singleness. Don't look upon it as something to be altered. For many of us, it was a long time coming.

My two-ha'porth.

 

[shereads]

I took scuba diving lessons and met a lot of people that way. I happened to be already involved with someone at the time, but if I had been looking, scuba diving would have been a gold mine.

I'd never be comfortable going to bars and clubs by myself. I'd feel as if I were wearing a sign that said, "Trying to Meet Men." Getting involved in a sport like diving, or whatever might be available where you live, is a comfortable way to be thrown together with new people. There are no expectations; you can decide whether to return someone's interest and encourage it, and if you don't, then there are no hurt feelings - It's assumed that you're just there for the sport.

An equipment-intensive sport like scuba diving also prompts men to offer to carry your tanks. Not that you will allow it, of course. You want the fabulous shoulders you get from carrying your own gear. But they will offer.



A friend of mine dated someone she met at a Habitat for Humanity project. She got to see him without his shirt, using manly tools, before they were introduced.

You might want to check your local weekend newspaper or google for clubs and volunteer organizations. There's one called "Hands On" that lets you choose from a monthly menu of volunteer projects including Habitat for Humanity, without committing to one group.


Edited to add: The Dog Park. If you don't have a dog, borrow one and take him to your nearest urban dog park. Dogs are the ultimate ice-breaker.

 

[Guest]

Sher totally unrelated. i like diving too... just a different sort. *grin*
btw, LUCKY STOLE YOUR STAPLER!

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Sher totally unrelated. i like diving too... just a different sort. *grin*
btw, LUCKY STOLE YOUR STAPLER!

Bitch!
You're in for a world of hurt tonight.

Besides, you're the fool that fell in love with a stapler thief!

 

[Guest]

Bitch!
You're in for a world of hurt tonight.

Besides, you're the fool that fell in love with a stapler thief!

ah curse of the fates....
but i love it when you fasten me.

 

[shereads]

Sher totally unrelated. i like diving too... just a different sort. *grin*
btw, LUCKY STOLE YOUR STAPLER!

She has my Swingline?

BITCH!

 

[lucky-E-leven]

ah curse of the fates....
but i love it when you fasten me.

*gasp*
There will be NO speaking of curses, woman!
*ahem*
I love it when you're good and bound...
*drool*

 

[lucky-E-leven]

She has my Swingline?

BITCH!

That's right! I took it!

So whadda you gonna do about it?

 

[Guest]

*gasp*
There will be NO speaking of curses, woman!
*ahem*
I love it when you're good and bound...
*drool*

mmmmm. im so glad you got those cuffs. nuffin like the smell of leather at bed time.


hrm... oh.. what was this thread about?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

mmmmm. im so glad you got those cuffs. nuffin like the smell of leather at bed time.


hrm... oh.. what was this thread about?

Grrrrrrrrrr.........

So nice of you to ask, since you're the hijacker!

 

[sophia jane]

mmmmm. im so glad you got those cuffs. nuffin like the smell of leather at bed time.


hrm... oh.. what was this thread about?

Who cares. Keep going! This is the most excitement I've had all day.

SJ

 

[Guest]

Who cares. Keep going! This is the most excitement I've had all day.

SJ

i lurve your nipple.
sorry, that slipped... too much ky sometimes. its not the ky, but rather the application. *mmmmmm*
who knew slippery could be so much fun?!

 

[sophia jane]

i lurve your nipple.
sorry, that slipped... too much ky sometimes. its not the ky, but rather the application. *mmmmmm*
who knew slippery could be so much fun?!

SJ

 

[lucky-E-leven]

i lurve your nipple.
sorry, that slipped... too much ky sometimes. its not the ky, but rather the application. *mmmmmm*
who knew slippery could be so much fun?!

Liquid silk.
The best prelude to dessert I can think of.

 

[Guest]

Liquid silk.
The best prelude to dessert I can think of.

definitely one of the bestest gifts we got for our wedding.
cums in handy
when
its
time
to
play
hard

 

[lucky-E-leven]

definitely one of the bestest gifts we got for our wedding.
cums in handy
when
its
time
to
play
hard

and
BIG

 

[Guest]

and
BIG

tell me you dont mind the color of the double headed toy
its not the size of the skiff but the motion of the ocean...
got your personal floatation device?

 

[lucky-E-leven]

tell me you dont mind the color of the double headed toy
its not the size of the skiff but the motion of the ocean...
got your personal floatation device?

Nope. It's sink or swim tonight, you sexy bitch.

 

[Guest]

Nope. It's sink or swim tonight, you sexy bitch.

how about i sink between your thighs
and swim in you