Questions for the married folks of lit

[Gilly Bean]

kind of a touchy subject, but what the hell.


IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board? Do you hide it from your spouse? Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex, cybering, meeting, etc.


If you are no currently attracted to someone here, would you ever do any of the above if you were?

Why, or why not? More so, why if you do hide it or would do it.

 

[lobito]

married, attracted, cyber, talk

The botom line is that I sleep in the same bed with MY WIFE, every night, no matter what I do online. I'm not in it to fall in love, and she knows that.

 

[Guest]

IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?

Yes. I find myself attracted to the thought of certain folks. I truly don't feel as though I know anyone well enough, on the BB, to be fully attracted.

Do you hide it from your spouse?
No.

Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex, cybering, meeting, etc.

Spirited and sexually themed conversations have happened.
I'm not sure about phone sex or meetings. I've not reached that level with anyone. If it does happen, there will be much discussion.

 

[Guest]

IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?
Yes
Do you hide it from your spouse?
Yes
Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex,
Yes
cybering,
Yes
meeting, etc.
No
Why, or why not? More so, why if you do hide it or would do it.
I don't trust myself

 

[Guest]

IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?

Yes. I find myself attracted to the thought of certain folks. I truly don't feel as though I know anyone well enough, on the BB, to be fully attracted.

Do you hide it from your spouse?
No.

Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex, cybering, meeting, etc.

Spirited and sexually themed conversations have happened.
I'm not sure about phone sex or meetings. I've not reached that level with anyone. If it does happen, there will be much discussion.

Grr...cookies. That was posted by myself.

 

[Vinny]

I agree with lobito

This is all in fun. I come home to the queen. She knows what I do on here. There is nothing to hide. I sleep with her and have fun with others via lit.

 

[lovetoread]

I think that if you are in a stable loving relationship,nothing you do on here will matter as long as its the two of you at the end of the day.

I didnt have a stable relationship. But I didnt come here to meet anyone and cybering/phone sex/sexy emails never even crossed my mind when I came to Lit. When I met my Tiger,I knew I was in trouble becuse I had the urge to do all of the above with him. I knew I had to make a decision about what to do about him,when we finally had a heart to heart talk. I knew that I couldnt be married and have a relationship that involved feelings and not just words. So I ended my marriage before he and I became that involved.

Tiger was very concerned about my marital status. He knew from the beginning that I was married and we had specific rule in the beginning of our friendship about what was and what was not proper. But that didnt stop the feelings however.

I never hid what I did from my husband,and didnt hide the fact that I had met another here either. I am just not able to deceive that way.

Now that I have Tiger however,I no longer feel the need to flirt as hard and as often as I did,nor do I have those kind of chats with any others.

 

[Guest]

I've been happily married for 8 years, and with my wife for 12.

I do have feelings for a Lit member, and do not hide it from my wife. Nor will I hide it from that Lit member. I would do any of those acts you mentioned. We are secure enough in our relationship that this does not bother either of us. We are attracted to other people, and even discuss what we like about them, what we want to do to them while we are making love. We've found this to actually improve our sex life quite a bit, and we've grown closer to each other as a result. We know that attraction to others is separate from attraction to each other, and is in no way a reflection on our relationship. Nothing will ever change our feelings for each other. I think we're probably in the minority on this subject. If she came to me today and asked my permission to actually have sex with someone she's attracted to, I would let her. Whether she could bring herself to do this is a different story. The bottom line is, that communication and openness brings wonderful results. Like the post above reads, we know where we sleep at night. I'm not here to fall in love either, but to find wonderful friends, and I have.


If you think you are that special Lit member, PM me......

 

[daughter]

how you respond

Gilly--

Having read some of the comments and threads here on GB, and I know this is ageist, they reinforce the strength and value of experience that comes only with time.

Feeling attracted to someone is natural. Your reaction depends on maturity and values. Marriage in the traditional sense entails fidelity. For me, to act on an attraction is compromising my relationship.

Would I share my feelings with my mate? No. My aunt told me once when I was younger something I couldn't grasp before. She said, "What good would it do?" A therapist explained to me once that it is a mistake to assume your mate can handle the emotional burden, that your partner would want that revelation imposed on him, and what right do you have to cause him distress simply because you are experiencing emotional conflict? It's your issue, you deal with it.

Now couple that with trust factors. To act behind a partner's back is wrong. If it were me, I'd acknowledge how I felt and then I'd stick with my decision to be faithful. You don't need prior experience to trust that to do otherwise would damage your relationship. For me, any emotional involvement that constituted more than plantonic feelings is a breach. No, I would not entertain intimate correspondence on any level.

It doesn't matter what other people think. It matters everything what you and your spouse have agreed upon.

Peace,

daughter

 

[VeryBadGirl]

IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?
No, I guess I'm too suspicious to believe that anybody is who they say they are without meeting them.

Do you hide it from your spouse?
When I'm having a particularly absurd chat with someone, I call him over and we have a chuckle together. I also tell him about interesting threads and people. I like this site for all of the information I've gleaned about sex - it's awesome!

Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex, cybering, meeting, etc.
N/A

If you are no currently attracted to someone here, would you ever do any of the above if you were?
Only if it included my husband.

Why, or why not? More so, why if you do hide it or would do it.
I wouldn't do anything secret because I think I would go insane if my husband did (I hate my jealousy, but I can't control it). Just knowing that keeps me from violating the marriage. I acted single when I was single - I'm not single anymore. BUT, I'm certainly not saying that things could never change!!! Just not at this time. We've been married 13 years.

VBG

 

[daughter]

defining fun

I took Gilly's post to refer to having a strong, mental and emotional pull to someone. The kind of stirring that drives intimacy. Did I missread that we are talking about conflicted feelings?

Peace,

daughter

 

[plasticman33]

kind of a touchy subject, but what the hell.


IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?

Do you hide it from your spouse?

Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex, cybering, meeting, etc.


If you are no currently attracted to someone here, would you ever do any of the above if you were?

Why, or why not? More so, why if you do hide it or would do it.

Never!

 

[carrie-on]

I also agree with lobito and vinny. I go to bed here and no where else. Hubby and I trust each other, so I come here to spice things up. So does he.

 

[Mischka]

IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?

No.

If you are not currently attracted to someone here, would you ever do any of the above if you were? Why, or why not?

No, I would not act on any attraction I felt for someone here. I come here for fun: to read, discuss, and debate ideas. I do not define "fun" to include infidelity. If I ever felt myself drawn to words on a Board, I would cease my activity here and redirect my energies toward my relationship with my husband.

I don't expect to make it through life without ever finding another person attractive, but I made a commitment of fidelity to my husband, and I intend to honor that commitment.

 

[Cath!]

edited

 

[modest mouse]

See that guy to the left?

Yeah, that guy.

He had too many window open and posted to the wrong thread, what a dipshit.

 

[Cherry]

Whatever happened to the honorable ...

"Don't kiss and tell" rule?

 

[Gilly Bean]

Re: defining fun

I took Gilly's post to refer to having a strong, mental and emotional pull to someone. The kind of stirring that drives intimacy. Did I missread that we are talking about conflicted feelings?

Peace,

daughter

-chuckles-

The questions came to mind the other day after talking in length to a board member. That person admitted to alot of things that I just don't really understand fully. The person admitted a content marriage, but wanted more, and has hid it from a SO. It got me to thinking about what I would do, in the same situation, and I really don't know.

I have one major flaw when it comes to falling for someone. It happens to quickly for me to notice or stop before hand. So, I really wonder how I would react. I have been married quite happily for nearly 4 years now. While not fabulous by any stretch, our bedroom life is rather nice. There are quite a few things I would love to try, including trying with a few other specific people, but I don't think I would get the oppertunity with consent. So, that brought me to wondering, would I actually act on feelings outside my marriage?

I used the Lit comparision, because well, we all talk to many people here, and get cozy with some of them. Cybering, and Phone sex are both rather popular, though I admit, I have only tried to cyber with two guys here, and both attempts failed miserably. I have never tried phone sex, and I am not certain I would want to. But feelings come, and go, and I just get to wondering. As I mentioned, I tend to fall for people way to quickly. Right now, there is someone, but... I don't know that I would ever try anything with that person. It helps tramendously that we don't live close. I think if we did, or for any of the on-line attractions I end up in, then I might be more tempted to try something.

So, to answer my own questions:
IF you are married, do you find yourself attracted to another member of the board?
Yes
Do you hide it from your spouse?
Somewhat... he knows I talk to the person, and some of what has happened, though the feelings, he doesn't know about.
Would you act on the attractions? IE, phone sex,
cybering,
I have tried, and failed.
meeting, etc.
I don't know
Why, or why not? More so, why if you do hide it or would do it.
I would feel horribly guilty, and wind up telling my husband, and that would hurt him a great deal.

 

[hornylady]

Visiting Lit is fun for me and for my husband - we tend to flag up interesting threads to each other and have a chuckle about things, but we post independently of each other - I don't edit his stuff, and he doesn't mine. If I ever felt the need to keep something I did or said on here a secret from him, that would set off a warning bell in my head that I was crossing the border from 'fun' into 'minefield'. At the end of the day, like others have said further up the thread, I made a commitment when I got married, and that is the most important thing to me. If any action is taken involving other people, like a threesome (and I am interested in general), it will be something we do together as an adventure, but only in a situation we are both happy with.

 

[daughter]

Gilly

No denying we sometimes we find ourselves in that position. Feelings pass. Wounds sometimes never heal.

Marriages are a lot of work, more than I think a lot of us figure out till we're smack in the middle of one. I think relationships go through a lot stages, too. It would help if we felt confident that we'll get through them okay, too.

I remember being attracted to someone once. It was fairly intense and we were friends. I am so grateful that I did not act on it even though I was well aware what I was feeling. Over the course of time, we grew to know each other even better. The infactuation faded but our friendship remained. I am so glad I did not persue my feelings. I strongly believe our friendship wouldn't be intact if we had. It would have been sex, fallout, move on.

Be well.

Peace,

daughter

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Every marriage is at different levels, no mariage can be judged by one rule......

But sometimes someone comes along to 'knock your socks' off when you were not really looking to be bowled over.... it up to each person to decide how they handle that......

 

[Cath!]

Whatever happened to the honorable ...

"Don't kiss and tell" rule?

It still applies...sometimes a little prodding is all that is needed!

 

[cymbidia]

~edited at the request of Cath and the other~

2. Everyone knows it's over.

~more editing~


Hey Gillybean?
My original post wasn't meant for you and you know it, don't you? I mean, you didn't even know what was going on...

It was intended to stop the obvious escalation of something that was looking like it was gonna turn ugly, and i'm certain it accomplished its goal.

 

[Cath!]

2. Everyone knows it's over.

Out of everything you said...the part I quoted is the only part that "Everyone" knows is the truth.

nuff said...

thank you for caring...

 

[Cath!]

sorry wrong thread.