Questions for Lit Moms!

[Route66Girl]

Hello ladies

I'm writing a story that involves a woman who was pregnant and carried almost to full term before miscarrying. Sounds uplifting, eh?

Having never yet experienced the joy of motherhood, I need to find out a few things about being pregnant lest the story come out sounding false.

How long did you have to refrain from intercourse before and after you were pregnant?

How many months does it take before they can determine the baby's sex?

For those of you who have had a miscarriage, any input would be appreciated, but is not necessary if it's too emotional to talk about. I've already researched that elsewhere, albeit without testimonials from anyone's personal experience. I'm treating that aspect of the story with the utmost care, and am NOT making it part of the erotic focus of the story.

What was your state afterwards? How long did it take to recover physically? Emotionally? How far along were you? Was your S/O supportive or distant? Did you seek therapy or support groups? My only question physiologically is this: If you were very far along, did you still lactate after? (No, it's not an erotic point of the story. Just a detail I want to make sure is correct or not.)

Thank you so much for any info at all!

Route66

P.S. If any of this is not something you want to talk about out here on the board, feel free to PM or email me. I just want to get it right.

 

[Monazwx]

Never been pregnant (should even be posting here really), but the circumstances of miscarriage will have alot to do with the mental state and physical recovery afterwards.

Have you decided how this comes about yet?

*Edited to ask - Is this an erotic story?*

 

[His_kitty]

Its been 11 years since I was pregnant with my son so some of my memory is foggy about some of the details.

I never refrained from sex during my pregnancy, because I had a healthy one. Actually from talking to friends a lot of women have a noticably increased desire in sex.

Afterwards I believe they advised me to wait 4 weeks to resume. Again this is all in how you deliver. C-sections are longer I think, or if you have other complications.

Again my memory isn't clear but I think at 4 months you find out the sex, at least back then that's when you had the sonogram and could tell.

I've been very lucky and never experienced the trauma of a misscarriage, so I cannot help you there.

 

[Route66Girl]

Mona-

Is it erotic? Not for the first couple chapters. We're introduced to the couple I'm writing about after the fact, and see the problems it's created for their life. The miscarriage wiped out their chance to concieve; she's depressed, he's confused, and their sex life is DOA. The story is about their recovery. I won't give away how that happens

 

[Shadowann2]

I had sex the night I went into labor with all of my kids and the doctor said it was fine. In fact, that's what helped me go into labor! I fucked like a rabbit the last 3 months, couldn't get enough!

You are supposed to wait 6 weeks after giving birth or miscarrying to have sex.

I miscarried somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks along and didn't even know I was pergnant until it happened. I'm sure my emotional reaction was very different from that of a woman who was more advanced in her pregnancy. Sorry I couldn't help more in that area.

 

[Belilica]

How long did you have to refrain from intercourse before and after you were pregnant?

I didn't. Unless the pregnancy has complications, you can have sex up until you go into labour.

How many months does it take before they can determine the baby's sex?

I believe it was at my 18 week ultrasound that they determined that I was having a boy.

I haven't had a miscarriage, but this is what I could help with. If you have any other questions about pregnancy, I'd be glad to answer.

 

[Belilica]

Also, after a certain numer of weeks, I think 20 or 24 it is no longer considered a misscarriage, but to be stillborn.

 

[Monazwx]

The recovery, mental and physical for the relationship could make for a great story.

The only reason I asked is because a friend of mine had a miscarriage in her eighth month due to negligence on the doctor's part. She had internal bleeding that they didn't pick up and her twins drowned in their own blood. (Sorry it's gross, but that's what happened).

I was thinking that if the couple blamed themselves (or the other partner) for the incident, then that would provide internal conflict to the story. But maybe it's a bit too much.

Anyway, my first thought was to include how the couple prepared for the baby, like fixing up the room, buying the crib, etc., only to have their hopes dashed. Story continues from there.

Hope this helps.

 

[islandman]

 

[Barely__There]

Lost my first child at 12 weeks.

A loss that early, according to my Dr. was most likely because the fetus was malformed. Doesn't help the foggy empty feeling, and the blaming. I felt hollow. I had already knit a little sweater and cap set, and names were picked.

My second child, full term. Due to extreme fear of another loss, I refrained at about 6 months. Didn't pick names, didn't get a lot of things ready until the 8th month or so.

Rough delivery, long and drawn out. Got an infection from the forceps delivery, and that added about a month to the recovery time. Didn't resume 'activities' for three months after.

 

[capricious_chic]

If the woman is almost full term, it would not be a miscarriage. The woman would have to "deliver" the baby. A woman can deliver from usually about 5 months of gestation on. When one delivers, hormones are released into the woman's body to produce lactation. Women's breast do get bigger when they are pregnant, but don't actually produce milk until 24-72 hrs or so after birth. The first substance is clear and very sweet. I forget the correct medical term. Many times, when a woman has delivered a still born (or doesn't plan to breast feed) she will opt to take medication to inhibit milk production. Often, the breasts will be bound for a few days as well.
The sex of the baby is often determined around 16 weeks of gestation. Many doctors will wait until a woman is preceived to be around 4 months to schedule the ultrasound. Not necessarily to determine gender, but that is when the baby is pretty much developed enough to determine if there are any problems.
There is no medical reason that one would need to refrain from sex during or before a pregnancy, unless there are complications that require a woman to be on bed rest. This would have more to do with the mother as there are many conditions that put the mother's health into jeopardy during pregnancy. After, most doctor's tell women to wait 6 weeks. Mostly due to comfort, and the fact that one is highly suseptable to becoming pregnant again.
As far as the pychological aspects afterwards, it would be dependent upon whether the woman (couple) knew of the possibility or not. If complications or abnomilies were found during the first ultrasound that would suggest that the baby would not make it to full term or live beyond a few hours after birth, then one would prepare themselves mentally for this. It would be reinforced by multiple ultrasounds and blood tests. It would make it no less painful, but the couple would spare the expense of many of the pre-birth rituals. The baby shower, doing the nursery, etc. It is uncommon (although it does happen) for women to be unprepared for the eventuality of a still birth. Medical technology has advanced to such a degree that there are many tests and options. To me, the saddest instances, are when a couple finds out early that the child will either die during gestation or immediately after birth. The joy of feeling each kick then becomes hollow and heartbreaking. The couple can decide whether or not to name the child, and bury the child. They can also decide to treat the child like a miscarriage (meaning that the child is not named, and no burial takes place, the child is sent to a lab and the parent's release all right's to it). Many choose to do the former, as it gives them a sense of closure. Usually these couple's are less devasted than the one's that were not expecting to have a still born. When it is unexpected, the blame game comes into play. If only I hadn't had that one cigerette, if only I hadn't lifted that heavy box. Many women will spend quite alot of time blaming themselves, or their partner. Depression is more pronounced among these women (couples).
Unless there were complications to the mother's health, the physical healing would take place at a normal rate. Most women bleed for anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks after birth. Women are released back to work usually at 6 weeks. It takes up to 6 months for your body to be completely healed from the birthing process.

Hope that helps. Each woman is different, and I am just using broad statistics.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I miscarried at 11 weeks....

In the story treat miscarrage as a death. Even after a short time of knowing you are pregnant you build so many hopes and dreams for that child....

You are *supposed* to wait 6 weeks after giving birth or miscarrying to have sex. Most woman bleed like a period for approximately six weeks after.

Most women are at their most horny when pregnant if they don't have complications or morning sickness all the time...

Morning sickness can happen any time of the day... not just morning.

Some women don't throw up, some for about 3 months worth....Within the first few weeks of being pregnant the woman is very tired as the body is taking so much from her to build the baby.

If you keep playing with the nipples after being pregnant you still produce milk.... (18th century wet nurse)

Nipples start to darken and get larger within the first couple of months...

Search the net... there are month by month guides to what to expect while pregnant....

Miscarrage is a death... so treat it as such.

 

[lovetoread]

How long did you have to refrain from intercourse before and after you were pregnant?

Afterward, I refrained for 3 months after the miscarriage.

How many months does it take before they can determine the baby's sex?

Officially? I cant remember. I only knew the sex of one child and that happended at 9 months.

What was your state afterwards? How long did it take to recover physically? Emotionally? How far along were you? Was your S/O supportive or distant? Did you seek therapy or support groups? My only question physiologically is this: If you were very far along, did you still lactate after? (No, it's not an erotic point of the story. Just a detail I want to make sure is correct or not.)

I was a wreck. I was so close to the brink of a breakdown that it was not even funny.

I recovered from the surgery in about 2 weeks.

Emotionally? I am still not recovered.

My so told me to get the fuck over it already.

No, I got no help at all.

I lost my baby at 3 months (12 weeks), so I had no lactation.

Thank you so much for any info at all!

I just hope the story works for you.

 

[intrigued]

Hi...this has the makings of quite a story, I'd love to read it.

How long did you have to refrain from intercourse before and after you were pregnant?

**I can't recall that it was an issue for me, until I started losing my babies (I lost 5) and then I became extremely afraid to have sex, and was completely turned off to it. With my daughter, when I was 9 months along and feeling I would burst any minute, my Doc said to me (in the presence of my then husband) that I should have intercourse regularly to help "bring on" labor. I could've slapped him silly!

How many months does it take before they can determine the baby's sex?

**About 5 months is usually when ultrasounds are scheduled, though I think its possible to determine a bit earlier.

For those of you who have had a miscarriage, any input would be appreciated, but is not necessary if it's too emotional to talk about. I've already researched that elsewhere, albeit without testimonials from anyone's personal experience. I'm treating that aspect of the story with the utmost care, and am NOT making it part of the erotic focus of the story.

**Mostly I felt anger and guilt, I felt God was punishing me. I was furious at God for giving me a baby, only to take it away from me. With each child, I begged to taken instead.
I remember that I didn't want to talk to ANYONE, there was nothing that anyone could say that would help me. It took months of greiving, and each time I swore I would never try again. It wasn't until I stopped *trying* that my daughter was conceived, and it was an extremely healthy and remarkable pregnancy. A miracle actually...and her middle name is Grace.

What was your state afterwards? How long did it take to recover physically? Emotionally? How far along were you? Was your S/O supportive or distant? Did you seek therapy or support groups? My only question physiologically is this: If you were very far along, did you still lactate after? (No, it's not an erotic point of the story. Just a detail I want to make sure is correct or not.)

**My state afterwards was a very bad, black place. After the first 3, I got to a point in which I couldn't even cry anymore. I simply breathed...no talking, there was just nothing at all to me. I wanted my babies in my arms, and nothing else could fill that void. I felt empty, unfulfilled and without purpose. There was nothing else in my life that I had ever truly ached for...all I wanted was to be a Mommy.
Since each of my losses were early on, usually 6 weeks to 10 weeks, my physical recovery wasn't a serious problem. I just had alot of cramping and intermittent bleeding.
My spouse was supportive to a point...he knew there was nothing at all he could say, so often we would just cry, and hold eachother until we finally stopped.
It wasn't until I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my fallopian tube and I almost died ,that we finally let out years worth of pain, anger and disappointment. I was told then that it was highly unlikely that I would ever have a baby. That was devastating, and effected me profoundly with regard to my womanhood...they may as well have gutted me.
One year later, almost to the day, I gave birth to my little miracle baby...my Grace.

Thank you so much for any info at all!

**Certainly...I hope we've helped.

Route66

 

[Hornymama]

I ahve 3 children but been pregnant 5 times. Mine were all c-sections so i had to wait 6 weeks afterwards to resume sex. Didn't have to stop before.
I was 4 and 1/2 months when i found out i was carrying a boy with my last one. The other 2 are older and they didn't do routine ultra sounds then.

Have had 1 miscarriage and even though i ws only a couple months along it was like losing a real person to me. I'm a firm believer that a baby is a human from conception.

also lost my first one right after she was born a full term baby. If I can be of any help with you on that issue please feel free to PM me.

 

[Belilica]

Women's breast do get bigger when they are pregnant, but don't actually produce milk until 24-72 hrs or so after birth. The first substance is clear and very sweet. I forget the correct medical term.

Colostrum