Questions about things subs enjoy during play

[SierraMoon]

Hello all.. i had a question thrown at me from a friend, and i didn't know how to answer him, as i had never heard of this.... hoping someone could help us out....
He was in play with his sub, and applied alot of pressure to her throat by having his hand around it, and she came from that... one of his previous subs also enjoyed this kind of activity... does anyone have an idea of what this is called, and why it's enjoyed so much? Anyone else enjoy it???
Thanks in advance for any replies...
hugs to all... sierra

(edited to include: )
I hope that any and all will feel free to post any thing that subs enjoy during play.. doesn't necessarily have to do with breath control...
as i am new to this (1 play session behind me, and looking forward to the next one..) i am learning much.
sierra

 

[anniebug]

careful

It's called erotic asphyxiation and can be very dangerous.

The idea is to cut off blood flow to the brain and therefore less oxygen to the brain. It is said to make an orgasm stronger when the person being choked is close to passing out due to the lack. It is however very easy to let this get out of hand and there are many documented cases of people dying because the person doing the strangulation doesn't know when to stop.

So kids...please don't try this at home !

Hope I was of some help.

anniebug

 

[SierraMoon]

Re: careful

It's called erotic asphyxiation and can be very dangerous.

The idea is to cut off blood flow to the brain and therefore less oxygen to the brain. It is said to make an orgasm stronger when the person being choked is close to passing out due to the lack. It is however very easy to let this get out of hand and there are many documented cases of people dying because the person doing the strangulation doesn't know when to stop.

So kids...please don't try this at home !

Hope I was of some help.

anniebug

thanks so much for your reply, anniebug... i will certainly let my friend know!! He is very careful with his subs, and i'm sure he wouldn't do anything to cause them harm... but good to know the downsides of it
thanks again... hugs to you.. sierra

 

[Richard49]

Re: careful

It's called erotic asphyxiation and can be very dangerous.

The idea is to cut off blood flow to the brain and therefore less oxygen to the brain. It is said to make an orgasm stronger when the person being choked is close to passing out due to the lack. It is however very easy to let this get out of hand and there are many documented cases of people dying because the person doing the strangulation doesn't know when to stop.

So kids...please don't try this at home !

Hope I was of some help.

anniebug

Many of us use a chock chain to conrol and get s semilar effect.

I have heard of people do it to themselves and dying.

I have never heard of a person being hurt whern another did it with some sanity

anyway...... is this also not a way to control ... ?

 

[anniebug]

I don't care how much you might trust a Master/Dom/whatever they may be calling themselves....in the heat of the moment shit happens.

This is nothing to play around with. ( I know, I know. All you Doms and subs are going to post and say "We're always careful...I trust my Master...I would never put my sub in that position" )

Trust me...I've been an ER nurse long enough to have seen and heard it all.


anniebug

 

[Richard49]

I don't care how much you might trust a Master/Dom/whatever they may be calling themselves....in the heat of the moment shit happens.

This is nothing to play around with. ( I know, I know. All you Doms and subs are going to post and say "We're always careful...I trust my Master...I would never put my sub in that position" )

Trust me...I've been an ER nurse long enough to have seen and heard it all.


anniebug

From the above can I assume U are niether?

 

[anniebug]

Richard

Actually I am a submissive but NOT stupid.

I stand by my original opinion...don't try this at home kids.

Been there...done that.

annie

 

[Richard49]

Re: Richard

Actually I am a submissive but NOT stupid.

I stand by my original opinion...don't try this at home kids.

Been there...done that.

annie

You sound very angery and judgemental
but that is your right

IMHO a Dom that can not control him/her self
is not a Dom

 

[anniebug]

No Richard...not angry or judgemental.

Just someone who has seen things go awry and prefer to be careful.

annie

 

[James Blandings]

Breath control is very risky behavior, and something I would caution novices to stay clear of. Many of even the most seasoned BDSM players will not engage in it due to it's inherent dangers. For example, jay Wiseman, author of SM101, after much study, concluded that it is never safe.
I've done it, and I understand that it has a powerful attraction. But consider that it is not just breathing that is endangered. The throat is contains many small bones that are easily fractured. The laryngx can be damaged. And the arteries to the brain can be blocked, which can even cause a stroke.
I dont pass judgemetn on those who do breath play, but please, let me urge that anyone who does so exercises the caution that they would bring to any other possibly life threatening activity.

 

[cymbidia]

Like James, i've done it, too.
Like James, i know and knew then it was exceedingly risky play.

I cannot imagine doing this with anyone who i hadn't spent a huge amount of time with, years maybe, before working up to the level of trust required for this level of risky play. Even then, one second of split attention could mean i'd be permanently brain damaged - forever. Or dead.

Does the possible fun aspect of this sound worth it to you?

As one who has been there, i assure you that for the deadly risks involved, the pleasure one can derive from this isn't any greater than in other kinds of intensive BDSM play.

Here's the essay by Jay Wiseman (a very well-known BDSM author and lifestyler) that James ref'ed. Read it beofre you consider this kind of play, please. http://members.aol.com/Oldrope/breath.htm

Safe, Sane, and Consensual, guys. Remember that. It's the only way to get through this maze of sensational possibilities and walk the edge without falling over in what could be a horrifyingly disasterous manner.

 

[anniebug]

Thank you James and cymbidia for your posts. Richard seemed to be offended by my words.

I didn't mean to sound like I was angry or judgemental, but meant to be cautious...maybe too much I guess.

annie

 

[Richard49]

Thank you James and cymbidia for your posts. Richard seemed to be offended by my words.

I didn't mean to sound like I was angry or judgemental, but meant to be cautious...maybe too much I guess.

annie

Richard does not get offened
Those that know me here on these boards know that.

 

[Richard49]

Breath control is very risky behavior, and something I would caution novices to stay clear of. Many of even the most seasoned BDSM players will not engage in it due to it's inherent dangers. For example, jay Wiseman, author of SM101, after much study, concluded that it is never safe.
I've done it, and I understand that it has a powerful attraction. But consider that it is not just breathing that is endangered. The throat is contains many small bones that are easily fractured. The laryngx can be damaged. And the arteries to the brain can be blocked, which can even cause a stroke.
I dont pass judgemetn on those who do breath play, but please, let me urge that anyone who does so exercises the caution that they would bring to any other possibly life threatening activity.

Thank you James for a well thought out answer.

I have seen more than opnce Subs wearing a chcok chain and the chain used to "control" etc. the sub. Is this the same effect or is it more/less?

 

[Richard49]

Here's the essay by Jay Wiseman (a very well-known BDSM author and lifestyler) that James ref'ed. Read it beofre you consider this kind of play, please. http://members.aol.com/Oldrope/breath.htm

Safe, Sane, and Consensual, guys. Remember that. It's the only way to get through this maze of sensational possibilities and walk the edge without falling over in what could be a horrifyingly disasterous manner.

The url comes up page can not be found.

Yes SSC is the only way to go...
(I would through in some other things like honesty and communications but that is not the point here)

Cym I respect you beyond measure .... I think U know that......
However U have went places in this lifestyle that I would not
I have proably been places U would not go........

It is in sharing here that we all learn from each other

 

[SierraMoon]

i thank all of you for your very imformative replies.... i will pass the info on....

getting off the breathing control subject just for a bit....
during my play date yesterday, my Dom used a pinwheel on me... (you know like the one that cym has in one of her wonderful avs?) and it was absolutely wonderful!!! Also, he used 2 different canes, which i was scared of in the beginning.... still probably not my favorite things, but they were tolerable.
Anyone else with something to share?
hugs to all... sierra

 

[artful]

Sierra

i thank all of you for your very imformative replies.... i will pass the info on....

getting off the breathing control subject just for a bit....
during my play date yesterday, my Dom used a pinwheel on me... (you know like the one that cym has in one of her wonderful avs?) and it was absolutely wonderful!!! Also, he used 2 different canes, which i was scared of in the beginning.... still probably not my favorite things, but they were tolerable.
Anyone else with something to share?
hugs to all... sierra

Not meaning to hang up on the Erotic Asphyxiation play, but only to put it in perspective, there are MANY practices in BDSM participations, that really need to be WELL thought out before TWO partners engage in it.



Whether they have known each other and played together for a long time, or not,... simple OVERSIGHT can be,...and HAS been permanently injurious to even the MOST experienced. A binding too tight,...or for too long,...a blindfold applied when one can move freely about.



Dangerous, but unobserved objects in places where where those who are manacled,ankle cuffed, spreader bars attached, among other restraining devices applied when still capable of mobility.


Even the lowest temperature of melted wax when used in a thoughtless, careless manner, or by oversight can do PERMANENT damage. Nipple clamps used improperly or for too long period of time (carried away in the heat of the moment)kinda thing.



In my mind, for such things as bull whips, asphyxiation, knives, and EXTREME positionings, it's just not good enough to TRUST anothers experience,...INSTEAD,...you better *KNOW* !


(jmho)

 

[cymbidia]

Sierra? Oh gods, anyone else with anything to share? Oh yes. Indeed, i've had a marvelous couple of days, too, Sierra. And since you asked...

This is how it's been for me. Well, partly. We did and said and played with far far too much in the last couple of days to put into a single post - but here is some of it. Nothing of substance has been added to my account but a bunch of stuff has definitely been left out. Nothing here is pretend.

In part, i'm posting this because i was invited by Sierra. In part, though, i'm posting it because when he left my house an hour ago, he asked me to write my impressions of the last couple days for him. He knows i think and process my feelings and the events in which i participate by writing them out.

In any case...

When i walked up to my play partner's door yesterday morning, there was a note above the doorknob. Walk in, it said, and look straight ahead. Put your things down on the floor. Sit down on the sofa. Don't move.

Taking a deep breath, i entered his house. In the entry hall, i put my toybag down and slipped out of my shoes, then walked forward to comply with the rest of his instructions. There was a very sturdy massage table set up in front of the couch and covered by a couple towels.

My heart was beating erratically. Already. I could feel my nipples contracting and my pussy getting wet.

I sat down and tried to compose myself, breathing shallowly, straining to hear something, anything, to let me know he was coming. Suddenly, though, without any sound to announce him, i felt hands on my shoulders. The hands moved to my face and stroked me gently from behind. He was wearing leather gloves, the leather soft against my skin.

I relaxed as he continued touching me silently. His hands stroked firmly, gently, soothing me, calming my bit of anxiety, stroking over my face and neck, my hair and shoulders, massaging my shoulders.

"Close your eyes," he said quietly, and i did.

He opened my dress and slipped it off me. I was wearing a bustier, stockings, and panties under the dress and left those one as he moved me to the table and helped me lie atop it, face down.

"Do you want a pillow?" he asked.

"No," i answered, my fingers already curling into the toweling, "no thank you."

Opening the garters, he slid each stocking down my leg and off my foot, then attached cuffs to my ankles. After he finished attaching the cuffs to a spreader bar, he pulled the spreader bar way down, almost to the floor, perhaps, where he attached it to the table.

He came around the table and kissed me. We were both already highly aroused and it was a kiss of ignited passion, of play to come. It made me moan, that kiss.

He attached cuffs to my wrists and told me i could open my eyes. I looked up at him and gasped with the heat flooding me: he'd dressed in fetish clothing. For me. All leather. Vest. Chaps. Dick covering thing (i don't know what they're called). Black, of course.

"Are you ready to play hard?" He was smiling and i answered him with a smile and nod - and a moan. Yes. Oh yes. I was ready to play hard.

He gathered up a length of chain and used that to affix my wrists to the table. We tussled over the extra chain i was holding, just so i could have room, but he won it from me, as we both knew he would. He allowed me some hand moving room, though. I like to be able to move my hands, my arms, even a little. I would be able to. This time.

There was a table nearby with an array of BDSM type toys laid out on it. From the pile he chose a thin sticklike thing. A cane. A small cane, one of his favorite toys. He knows how to use a cane, though, and we've discussed my fear of them. I don't want to be afraid of them anymore. If i chose not to play with a thing because i don't like it, that's one thing. If i run from it because i'm scared of it, that's another thing. I don't want to let fear rule my decisions.

"A good warm-up toy," he said, smiling at me again, his eyes demanding a response.

"Yes," i murmured, body filling with mixed reactions. Above all other emotions, though, was a certainty that he would stop if i said "RED" and slow it down if i said "YELLOW". I trust him in that.

And so it began. The thin small lightweight cane between my legs, on my ass. There were other sensation toys he used, too, over the course of the next couple hours. Many of them. I remember that a long time into it, after i'd been bobbing around the edges of dropping a time or two, he used some kinda leather strap that sent me spinning into screaming fits of "YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW".

There were a couple kinds of floggers, one of them with a sharp bite like no flogger i've ever felt. The blindfold went on and came off. Kisses. Gentle touces. Sips of water. Then more, paddles and slappers and the scratching of his nails over my welts.

There was the big bad scary real-as-fuck cane he used, too. By then i was blindfolded. He brought it to me to feel as i lay there, my ass and thighs already welted and burning. It was thick and hard and heavy, so gods heavy. It was smooth. I was shaking from everything else and when i touched it, i could hardly say a word because i was so far into the energy flow and the sensation play between us. He moved around me, around the table, and laid that cane in the place where my ass cheeks meet my legs.

"Right here," he said gently (he is so gentle for being such a big man - even when he's being rough). "It goes here. There's the necessary padding here." He paused. "How many do you want?"

"One!" i croaked, my voice shaking.

There was the horsehair whip, too, and a singletail - both weilded with remarkable accuracy and skill. Each of them leaving another hot brand of sensation against already tender and highly sensitized skin.

Later, much later, after i was off the table and we were talking, cuddling, laughing, sharing other kinds of touching, i realized how much i loved being able to relax into the care of a dominant who i *knew* would watch out for me and not push me too far, too fast - but one that would, indeed, push me.

I kissed him one last time and walked out the door, his assurance of being at my house in the morning still making me smile. The smile faded, though, as i looked at my car and wondered how the hell i would be able to sit down. By then i was already coloring up and the welts were still raised and giving off radiant heat in astonishing large amounts.

This morning he came to my house, just as we'd planned. We both knew i was far too sore to play in the way we'd done the previous day, but he's nothing if not a match for me in kink - and there's a lot for a couple of seriously kinky people to do together besides sensation play of my skin, you know?

It was wonderful seeing him again so soon. He came in, we walked around my house (his first visit to my house) then went upstairs to my bedroom. We snuggled and talked. He laughed with proud astonishment at my array of "trophies" from the previous day's play. We talked more deeply about the kinds of kinks we both had, and found more places of similarity between us. We spent hours talking and laughing, hours that were mixed with wildly intense sexual interludes, too. I shaved him. It's a personal service i love to do for my dominants, a thing i've done for almost all of them since the very first one. It's sensual, not sexual, and is a thing i can do better than can they.

He has a maso side, too, and we explored some of his interests in that, as well as more of mine. He pushed manipulated and did things to all my bruised places, telling me the blood was stagnant there and this (even though it was fucking painful) would help in the healing.

In his past, he's spent time as a wrestler. He's also studied some odd kind of pressure points martial art. He demonstrated to me, over and over, how easy it was for him to subdue me, to put me into holds i could not move out of, how the application of pressure right there would make me go immediately immobile.

It was easy and fun and erotic and i loved the time with him. We talked, again, about our boundaries, mine, his, and his partners for us. When he left, we kissed warmly and smiled at each other, knowing the playful, erotic, non-sensation-play-but-still-definitely BDSM hours we'd spent together were very good ones for us both.

I've had a great couple of days, Sierra. Thanks for asking.
Now i'll go email this link to him.

To you, my play partner: you're fun!
You're as kinked as i am.
I like this energy we've got going.
I like it a lot.

 

[RisiaSkye]

I too have had an interesting couple of days...well, couple of weeks, actually.

My partner is developing as a sadist, one who can give me the strong sensations I desire, and with the strength of will to deliver it to me without fear, the comfort in our relationship to trust me to know my limits and safe-word out if I need to do so. I went further into submission than I've been before, and accepted a leash, a thing which brought him tremendous satisfaction. And in that satisfaction, I found my some of my own.

I've also pushed my partner, MasterMe, further than he's ever gone as a sub. And he liked it, loved it, relaxed into it like he never has before.

He came to me requesting Dominance (a thing of careful negotiation, particularly because we both Switch, but he's more comfortable and relaxed as a Dom). I took time to plan the scene and to push his limits a bit, perhaps more than a bit.

I cuffed him in leather, then bound him to bars with chain. He was anxious but visibly aroused. We moved, slowly, into sensations he fears--particularly heat. We spent the afternoon before our session making candles, candles he knew I would use on him. Inspired by my recent story, he wanted to experience them, to decide for himself whether his fear was greater than his desire. In the end, his desire won.

And then he dropped, or started to. But, I pulled him back, something I've struggled with in the past. And he came back and recovered quickly, ready for more, also a new development. He begged to be collared, a thing he's never done in any way--and he more than wanted it...he needed to feel owned, possessed, freed to submit fully to Me.

And he pushed me in response, tested my limits, my committment, whether I'd let him get away with topping from below. I didn't. And that, too, was a lovely development for us both.

Previously, a session of his submission has always been followed by a renewed desire to Top me. I think this is partly a desire to reassure himself of his masculinity and his ability to be Dom.
For the first time, this was not the case.

We went to a fetish club Saturday night, and that night discussed our fantasies and desires more honestly than I think we ever have before. And then I Dommed for him, with more loving gentleness than the most recent time before it, but with clear and reinforced control. He didn't panic or manipulate, and at the end, he didn't judge himself for it.

We're growing into this, I think.

 

[SierraMoon]

Oh cym and Risia.... thank you both for your wonderful accounts of your last couple of days....
cym, i am very happy for you, that you have confronted one of your fears: the cane. As i said, i had mixed feelings about them, partly from listening to you talk about your fears with them, and when my Dom wanted to use it on me exclusively (after our play, and snack break), wanting to know "how much of the cane i could handle"... i told him that i have heard horror stories about them in the past. He promised to go easy, and made sure that i remembered my safe words. After the first couple of whacks with the longer cane, i had tears in my eyes, and all i said was, "Sir, may we try the shorter one, now?" and he had no problem switching for me. The shorter one still had a little bite to it, (maybe i was just numb from the longer one, i don't know)... but, he gave me a couple swats with that, then i heard, rather than saw, his belt coming off.... my whole body tensed up, wondering if i would be able to withstand any more pain on my behind... he had me stand up, and look in the mirror, and what i saw astonished me.. i saw many lines raised from my skin (i'm sure from the canes), and several small round bruises (i'm assuming from the studded paddle). He had me bend over, elbows on the bed, and gave me a couple whacks with his belt, to which i turned around, and looked at him, and said... please Sir, no more... he had a smile on his face, and told me he was so proud of me, for all that i had done that day... i had surpassed all his expectations... i think i actually blushed!! Right after that, he walked out to the living room, and i kind of scooted behind him, as my ass was SO sore... and he came up to me, and took me in his arms, and hugged me, while running his hands down to my ass... little did i know that he had grabbed some ice, and i finally felt the coldness start to permeate my hot cheeks.. it felt so good, to be held, and told how wonderful i was, and of course, the ice felt fantastic!!! lol.... anyway.. i will not bore you anymore with my accounts from the other day... i just know it was a fantastic experience, especially since i had been so nervous about disappointing him... we will probably be getting together again this weekend...
hugs to all, and thanks again for sharing!!! sierra

 

[cymbidia]

cym, i am very happy for you, that you have confronted one of your fears: the cane. As i said, i had mixed feelings about them, partly from listening to you talk about your fears with them

Oh no!

My fears are my fears.
They come from my past, from my experiences.
They are mine to work through.

Your experiences have to be different, your fears different, your joys, too, different. Yours are yours.

I was afraid that my being so vocal about my fear of canes might negatively affect other people. It's partly that, quite honestly, that made me determined to work away from such a public stance. (The other part is that this particular play partner has an immense fondness for and facility with canes - and if i'm gonna work myself out of the fear, he's the one the gods seem to have sent my way to do it with, you know?)

Sierra, it sounds as if your dominant was careful and tender, kind and strong. It sounds as if you chose well, darlin', in him as your first. It sounds as if your initiation into the fierce joy of BDSM sexuality couldn't have gone better for you. I really don't have the words to express how incredibly glad i am it was so for you. Please give him my regards and, if you're comfortable with him being here, invite him in to say hello sometime. (For some, this is thier own place and partners aren't welcome here. For others, that's not so. I'm not suggesting anything beyond your comfort levels in this matter, Sierra, please know that.)

Somewhere down the line, i want what Risia and MasterMe have. Ummm. Well, not the switch part, the other part, the open honest, committed, in-it-forever part.

 

[CarolineOh]

Woo! I am fanning myself from reading what cym, Risia and Sierra have written on this thread.
cym, I for one am glad you posted your reservations about caning. They were a great help to me before I got my caning. It was only because I was able to weigh your concerns into my decision making that I was able to go through with it, as I felt i was doing it more fully imformed.

 

[Richard49]

Woo! I am fanning myself from reading what cym, Risia and Sierra have written on this thread.

That makes two of us ......

 

[SierraMoon]

cym... i, like caroline, am most thankful that you posted your reservations about the cane... the cane seems to be to me one of the implements deserving of the most respect, as to the damage it can do.. therefor, i was prepared for it better, after hearing what you had to say about it... i mean, your hangups about it, didn't cause me to NOT do it, just be a little more careful.. and for that i thank you!!!
Thank you Caroline and Richard for your feedback about our stories... glad you enjoyed them (not half as much as we did, tho!!!)
hugs to all... sierra

 

[Ebonyfire]

Risia & Cym....

It seems you two have been two busy ladies. wonderful descriptions of your adventures.

Ebony