Question

[unusuallyconfused]

Heart breaks for many years. Finally, takes the heart back and becomes indifferent. Now, spouse realizes mistake and wants to make amends. Does anyone have a formula to deal with anger and pain to go on and start over. A grudge question was asked a few days ago, how in the hell do you forgive a broken heart?

 

[Weird Harold]

Heart breaks for many years. Finally, takes the heart back and becomes indifferent. Now, spouse realizes mistake and wants to make amends. Does anyone have a formula to deal with anger and pain to go on and start over. A grudge question was asked a few days ago, how in the hell do you forgive a broken heart?

I don't think you can forgive or forget the bad memories and broken heart. They will be a part of you forever.

You can however, mend a broken heart, and bury the bad memories with good ones. A first step is communication, possibly with the mediation of a marriage councilor.

Once you've aired all of the greivances, on both sides, set them aside and start over. Never, ever, bring up the past to use against your partner.

Making amends, changing a lifetime's habits is not easy. Success requires a commitment by both to start over and bury the past.

My second marriage failed (in part) because my ex-wife could not leave the past buried. Any disagreement eventually deteriorated into a recitations of my past sins without regard to whether they applied to the current disagreement or not.

If either of you have a trophy case full of stuffed grudges, you can't start over. You have to put them in the attic and leave them there.

 

[morninggirl5]

I think the first question you have to ask yourself is "Can I ever trust him or this relationship again?" If the answer is no the relationship is already over, it just hasn't been buried yet. If the answer is yes, then you're both going to have to work very hard to lay all your cards on the table, bury the resentment in the back yard and leave it there.

I would also ask myself if that indifference wasn't a defense mechanism to hide how much his actions were still hurting you. If so, you're going to have to come to terms with your own feelings before you can begin to deal with his.

 

[GuyJD]

IN REFERENCE TO WHAT MORNINGGIRL SAYS

Once the trust is gone, so is most of the feelings. In my opinion, I know of a few exgirlfriends that I may still have feelings for but not enough trust to love again.

 

[p_p_man]

You can't and don't...

...let's do lunch instead.

 

[unusuallyconfused]

Re: You can't and don't...

...let's do lunch instead. [/QUOTE

ok, next time I am in England you have got a date!