question on pleasing your partner...

[ghengisvan]

ok... so i was a virgin up til about 1 month ago note im also 21, late bloomer i know... but my first sexual act was with a man and we both went at it for hours, i made him cum 3 times but not once was i able to... i dont know why i throroughly enjoyed it but i just couldnt do it... now im looking at finally being with a woman i like and im worried because i dont want to be horrible at it, plus im worried if il be able to cum or not... it made the last guy i was with get very down, so does anyone have a idea how i can get over this?
i mean im good with my mouth and all, and i love to make a man cum in my mouth its a huge turn on... im just not sure how to apply that to a woman and all because im very attracted to her i have no problem getting hard im just clueless lol...

 

[breezyblue]

well i'm no expert as i have trouble with this myself, but i think the first thing you should do is to become very familiar with pleasing yourself and to figure out whether this trouble having an orgasm is general or situational. If you have no trouble making yourself cum and feel good about doing it then you can look to the part of the experience involving your partner to be what is causing you this issue. It is very common for people to be nervous and unsure of themselves when first involved sexually with someone else and as you probably know the mental aspect is just as important as the physical aspect of stimulation when it comes to orgasm. It is also possible that you were just not receiving the type of physical stimulation you enjoy most. A great way to fix that is to tell or show your partner exactly what you like - which leads back to becoming familiar with yourself sexually.

If it indeed is all in your head then the worst thing you can do is to put more pressure on yourself. Try to loosen up about it - no matter what you do things never go perfectly the first time so concentrate on enjoying the experience rather than trying to force things to happen just as you imagine. Also if your new partner is already experienced sexually she will understand that you may be nervous. I don't know what exactly your relationship is with this lady but communication is always very important - it may do you good to ask her what types of things she likes so that you can concentrate on pleasing her with what you are good at - oral etc and not be so focused on your apprehension about whether or not you will cum.

Try not to focus on your last partners reacting negatively to you not cumming as it will only make you feel worse - your new partner may not feel badly at all especially if you talk to her about your concerns ahead of time. A mature and understanding partner will understand and certainly not be depressed about it. Good luck