Question of limits and safewords

[NCShin]

I was reading a few threads about limits and it got me thinking.

Normally in any form of D/s I establish a safeword no matter how light what we might be doing is. (i'm a beginner afterall, i don't go too far)

However, with the japanese woman I've been posting about, for some reason we just didn't. Maybe because it all started between us while in a vanilla bedroom scene..........

Anyway here is the situation

If you read my questions you know she is japanese and has limited english.

I want to bring up a safeword during her next visit. This will likely be a long conversation of me explaining why.

My first question is, should I choose a japanese word for her to use? I think this would be good because it would be easier for her to say that if her head is floating. The problem with this is choosing a word. I don't know how to say "red" in japanese, for all i know it could be a 4 sylable word for her. (just an example)

My next question, and I ask this because I have read that some people do or have done this.

That is, bring her to use the safeword, so she knows what will happen if she ever needs it. I don't like this idea really, but at the same time kind of want to do it to be sure that she fully understands. I just worry I'd reach my limits before she would. I've never attempted to push her limits, so as of yet I can't be sure where they are.

Ideas?

 

[Rantalith]

The idea of a safeword is a good one. No safeword=No play in my book. No matter what we intend to do.

Have her choose a word that is simple and you will understand, but ensure that it is not a common word that might slip out while playing.

Pushing her limits is a good idea also, however if you are concerned that you will reach your limits befores she does, then you need to find something that will work for both of you. Example if you re going to flog her, then try a paddle or something else instead.

 

[Netzach]

I would use a signal with her, from your prior posts.

It's already esablished that she has a hard time speaking directly about desires, partly due to culture, partly also as a personality trait, it might seem more neutral to simply drop a ball or wave a hankie as a way of opting out of something. Make sure to explain that you won't be displeased if she does.

 

[ghosst_K&H]

i'd try words like Nippon, or Fuji, something that she's familliar with, but not something that will be brought up during conversation in a scene.

 

[sifer]

Me and mine are all for save words.

At your level one is probably good. When you start into pushing limits you may want to set words for slow down, and to indicate that what is going on needs to change. The latter can be employed to move into better things as well a if part of a scene is not working out or feels like it is going wrong without stopping the scene.

On the getting them to say the word we will get well into a scene and instruct the sub to state the safe word. This establishes lusidity in an edge scene and ensures that the sub understands and can express the safe word. Pushing to that point at your skill level is asking for trouble. Take your time enjoy the scenes and progress as you learn. We have done scenes involving gags where grabing a bar or holding the back of chair with the instruction of "if you let go the scene will stop" this makes a safe indicator and can be used as part of the domination, restraint by will.

Good luck with your sub.

 

[bunny bondage]

yeah, somthing like "itai" (it hurts)

something that makes sense, but she wouldn't say it in ordinary play. japanese culture treats women differently than american, and you have to expect certain conflicts like this! best of luck!

 

[NCShin]

itai is FAR too common of a word.

itai literally means "it hurts" but is more often used more as "ouch"

I was thinking of using

aka ao kiiro (green, yellow, red)

for lack of something better...

 

[Mr Blonde]

Establish her own name to be the safeword. What other reason would she have to say her own name during a scene?

Edit: Oops, for second question, there is no need to intentionally bring her to the point of saying the safe word. Do as you please for the first time (honoring what limits she has managed to articulate) and then talk with her afterwards to see how it went. And do the same after subsequent scenes to fine tune things.

 

[MissTaken]

There are a number of good ideas here.

A practice that I have used and have had used wtih me when subbing has been to repeatedly check. Even a gutteral sound might lead the Dominant to ask, "Am I hearing your safeword?"

By double checking, you will learn to read her as she "floats" and can associate her physical reactions and verbal utterances , regardless of the language, with where she may be at in terms of comfort.

Best wishes,
MissT