Question from the wife of a bisexual man

[Bigboobbabe]

My husband has been a crossdresser our entire 30+ year marriage. I was the only one who knew. Several years ago, he and I experimented and he describes himself as bisexual.

As that developed, he began to let information about his crossdresser side come out to one individual.

Now his whole family and our daughter know.

I am happy he is able to express himself. It should have happened sooner. (Hind sight)

Since opening up, and discovering his brother is gay, he has not been able to be completely satisfied having sex with me.
He goes soft during intercourse. Cannot orgasm in me. Even with the help of medication and doctor visits. He can cum daily if masturbating.

I read this may be psychological. Is opening up giving him signals that being with a woman is wrong? Could he be gay and opening up gave him mental permission to accept this?

It's very upsetting when I cannot satisfy my husband.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

 

[jimmyturtleman]

My husband has been a crossdresser our entire 30+ year marriage. I was the only one who knew. Several years ago, he and I experimented and he describes himself as bisexual.

As that developed, he began to let information about his crossdresser side come out to one individual.

Now his whole family and our daughter know.

I am happy he is able to express himself. It should have happened sooner. (Hind sight)

Since opening up, and discovering his brother is gay, he has not been able to be completely satisfied having sex with me.
He goes soft during intercourse. Cannot orgasm in me. Even with the help of medication and doctor visits. He can cum daily if masturbating.

I read this may be psychological. Is opening up giving him signals that being with a woman is wrong? Could he be gay and opening up gave him mental permission to accept this?

It's very upsetting when I cannot satisfy my husband.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

There is a whole lot going on in your lives. Not sure if I can offer any useful advice for you except to say that you and hubby need to sit down and discuss your situation. If you are both honest with each other, you might discover there is a way to keep the spark going between the two of you. Have you considered seeing a sex therapist? It might help. Also, some variety goes a long way towards satisfaction, and orgasms. I am always open to P.M.'s, if you would like that. (I have had some mutual experiences.)

 

[michaelinteas]

Hi BigBoobBabe.

I have a lot of Personal experience with this as well. I am more then happy to chat with you and share my experience on the subject with you. I don't know that I have any solutions for you, but maybe some better understanding.

 

[rae121452]

My husband has been a crossdresser our entire 30+ year marriage. I was the only one who knew. Several years ago, he and I experimented and he describes himself as bisexual.

As that developed, he began to let information about his crossdresser side come out to one individual.

Now his whole family and our daughter know.

I am happy he is able to express himself. It should have happened sooner. (Hind sight)

Since opening up, and discovering his brother is gay, he has not been able to be completely satisfied having sex with me.
He goes soft during intercourse. Cannot orgasm in me. Even with the help of medication and doctor visits. He can cum daily if masturbating.

I read this may be psychological. Is opening up giving him signals that being with a woman is wrong? Could he be gay and opening up gave him mental permission to accept this?

It's very upsetting when I cannot satisfy my husband.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

is your husband sexually active with other men? a whole lot of cross dressers are not gay, they just have a fetish. you two need to talk about what's going on.

 

[OldFred65]

My husband has been a crossdresser our entire 30+ year marriage. I was the only one who knew. Several years ago, he and I experimented and he describes himself as bisexual.

As that developed, he began to let information about his crossdresser side come out to one individual.

Now his whole family and our daughter know.

I am happy he is able to express himself. It should have happened sooner. (Hind sight)

Since opening up, and discovering his brother is gay, he has not been able to be completely satisfied having sex with me.
He goes soft during intercourse. Cannot orgasm in me. Even with the help of medication and doctor visits. He can cum daily if masturbating.

I read this may be psychological. Is opening up giving him signals that being with a woman is wrong? Could he be gay and opening up gave him mental permission to accept this?

It's very upsetting when I cannot satisfy my husband.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

I have never had this problem and still have sex and orgasms with both men and women. However, I seem to remember there being a guy on here a while back who said that his dad had developed a problem where he could get it up for men but not women. He still loved his wife, so they invited the son, who had come out as bi, to join them in bed and the son fucked his mom while his dad fucked him. As I recall it resulted in the son fathering his own little brother and sister.

 

[BigButtSlut47]

I have never had this problem and still have sex and orgasms with both men and women. However, I seem to remember there being a guy on here a while back who said that his dad had developed a problem where he could get it up for men but not women. He still loved his wife, so they invited the son, who had come out as bi, to join them in bed and the son fucked his mom while his dad fucked him. As I recall it resulted in the son fathering his own little brother and sister.

That was my dad, he passed away a while back from COVID.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

As a life long, and now full time, cross-dresser, I fully understand why your husband is the way he is. That said, I have never had any problem getting, or keeping, an erection for any woman or man, so I have no idea how to deal with that part of it.

 

[Dusty753]

That was my dad, he passed away a while back from COVID.

So sorry for your loss

 

[Bigboobbabe]

is your husband sexually active with other men? a whole lot of cross dressers are not gay, they just have a fetish. you two need to talk about what's going on.

He has been sexually active, oral only, in 3somes with me, I don't "think" he has been alone,

He wants a man to cum in his mouth. He likes to sit on a dildo and cum and has discussed wanting to bottom.

 

[dkak001]

My husband has been a crossdresser our entire 30+ year marriage.

Since opening up, and discovering his brother is gay, he has not been able to be completely satisfied having sex with me.

It's very upsetting when I cannot satisfy my husband.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

So, there's probably a lot going on here. But there are a few points to note.

First, I don't let him not being satisfied upset you too much. 30+ years, that's a long time together. We've been married 20, that's a long time too. I don't always stay hard in my wife anymore, and am not always completely sexually satisfied with her. However, and this is the important part: I love her, and would never want to loose her.
So, we compensate by finding ways other than PIV (Penis in Vagina) to be creative in the bedroom. Toys, and other implements keep sex fun. Reading stories together on this site and others works too. After a couple of decades, we need a few things to spice it up.

Remember that good sex is like 90% in the brain. If his brain or yours isn't all there, or able to let go and enjoy that'll kill the mood for sure. Which brings up another point. If you're worried about sex, and performance, that just kills the mood. Relax, and find ways to enjoy it. If he feels you're relaxed, it'll help him relax and get into the groove too.

I'd suggest you buy some toys. Find some stuff that you like, and use that stuff around him. Let him see you enjoying sex. (At least for me, when she's all hot and bothered, I find it easier to finish in her!). Just gotta figure out how to relax and get each all fired up!

As far as his brother being gay. I wouldn't read too much into that. It probably takes some of pressure off him, since someone else in the family is 'alternative' too...

Maybe this helps, maybe not...

dkak

 

[rae121452]

He has been sexually active, oral only, in 3somes with me, I don't "think" he has been alone,

He wants a man to cum in his mouth. He likes to sit on a dildo and cum and has discussed wanting to bottom.

you 2 need to have an honest discussion. it sounds to me like he's asking for your permission. if that is the case, make it clear that it runs both ways and you will be free to do your own exploring. i can only speak from personal experience but the vast majority of me that i've fucked have been married and their wives (supposedly) knew nothing about their activities. if you can handle it and your marriage is strong, why not branch out? everyone wins.

 

[sterculius]

As suggested by a previous poster, try introducing toys into your sex play. A few years ago, I confessed to my wife of many years that as a teenager I enjoyed giving blowjobs to my best friend, and served as his willing and eager personal cocksucker for many years. I have always enjoyed performing oral sex on both men and women over penetrative sex. After having experimented with a number of toys, we have settled into a pattern of me performing cunnilingus on her while using a double dildo partway embedded in my throat and in her pussy as I masturbate. She often experiences multiple orgasms before I ejaculate, followed by me eating my cum as she looks on amused. What we enjoy might be "unusual" and not for everyone, but it works for us. Experiment and try to find what works for you both.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

I sympathize with your situation. That must be concerning.
My very first thought is that you are responsible for your sexuality and he is responsible for his. I understand you wanting to please your husband and it is laudable that you want him to orgasm in your vagina. BUT, it is not your fault and further, likely, that you can at best, assist in the solution. Is be able to masturbate to a climax with your help? Does he enjoy when you fellate him?

 

[SuperSissy]

My husband has been a crossdresser our entire 30+ year marriage. I was the only one who knew. Several years ago, he and I experimented and he describes himself as bisexual.

As that developed, he began to let information about his crossdresser side come out to one individual.

Now his whole family and our daughter know.

I am happy he is able to express himself. It should have happened sooner. (Hind sight)

Since opening up, and discovering his brother is gay, he has not been able to be completely satisfied having sex with me.
He goes soft during intercourse. Cannot orgasm in me. Even with the help of medication and doctor visits. He can cum daily if masturbating.

I read this may be psychological. Is opening up giving him signals that being with a woman is wrong? Could he be gay and opening up gave him mental permission to accept this?

It's very upsetting when I cannot satisfy my husband.

Any thoughts are appreciated.

My first question would be how long has all of this been going on, which ties into my first thought, he may be currently completely infatuated with his new found sexuality, and focusing more on the "gay" side (I hate labels). It might be so new that it is currently much more exciting than the male/female sex he's known for so many years. That said, perhaps the newness dissipates with time, and he rediscovers the joys of being with a woman, and specifically with you.